The Fellowship of the Pufflemouth
by aka Misguided Ghost
Summary: Imogen Snow is about to embark on her last year at Hogwarts, but with the endless line of stupidity and insanity coming from her three best friends Beth, Peri and Dora, it'll be a wonder if she manages to catch Oliver Wood's eye at all, let alone a date.
1. Chapter 1: House Rivalry

** House Rivalry**

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><p>I wasn't ready for this to be my last year.<p>

It had crept up on me so suddenly and now I'm stood on Platform 9 ¾, staring up at that glorious scarlet steam train and… I just wasn't ready.

I looked around me and smiled, remembering the time Beth tried to levitate her trunk onto the overhead storage and almost killed Percy Weasley… although I'm not sure that wasn't her actual intention.

Or what about the time we convinced Peri that the reading list had been changed and she'd bought all the wrong books? I thought she'd never stop screaming.

Or what about the time Dora ran into the wrong brick wall?

I grinned, and breaking out of my reverie, looked round and spotted the latter two of my friends waving at me.

Shaking my head I waved back, pushed my way over and hugged them both sadly, then we all turned back to stare at the train again.

It was a really poignant moment.

I mean truly moving…

One of those times you stop and think - 'I'll never forget this…'

…and then a fourth voice suddenly announced:

"You guys are such _losers_!"

Sigh.

"Trust you to be completely unaffected," I said, reaching up to hug the towering blonde, Bethany Twycross.

"Emotions are overrated," was the careless reply as she moved to greet the others.

"How was your summer then?" I asked, heaving my trunk down the train in search of an empty compartment.

"Mummy and Daddy took us round Europe," she immediately dove in, "Paris was dull, Barcelona too hot, and I honestly thought about pushing my sister off the Eiffel Tower… maybe just strangle my brother to death…"

"Standard," I replied stowing my things into the overhead storage and flopping down onto the seat, "What about you Peri?"

"My parents and I went to Egypt! It was the most incredible experience…" she gushed, "Did you know that the Ancient Egyptian wizards used to… bla, bla, bla, bla, bla…"

So I might be adlibbing the bla's.

I'm sure it was very interesting, whatever she was saying, it's just that I've developed a very annoying defence mechanism to zone Peri out whenever she gets going on any form of educational subject.

I kind of wish I didn't,

I might have done a little better on my O.W.L's…

Suddenly I noticed there was a lull in conversation and looked up to find Peri waiting expectantly for a reaction to what she'd just said…

"Sounds awesome?" I tried.

Seemed to be an appropriate response.

Phew.

"What about you then Dora?" I sighed.

To be honest I'm always a little reluctant to hear whatever Dora's got up to during the summer.

"Oh, Mother and I knitted jumpers for all the gnomes in our garden!" she beamed back proudly.

…see?

"…of course you did…" I said, sharing a look with Beth, who then said, "Snow?"

I forget when or why, but at some point during our first year at Hogwarts everyone began calling me by my last name – Snow. I'm now so used to it that it's super weird when I go home and get called Imogen. I _hate_ being called Imogen… oh yeah maybe that's why…

"I didn't do much, but all my brothers were home for a couple weeks, and my sister, so we got in a few great games of Quidditch!" I enthused.

They all just rolled their eyes at me.

I kind of wanted to break into a play by play account, just to annoy them, but they were already busying themselves with settling down for the long journey.

Dora was enthusiastically setting up her food hamper in pride of place beside her, then when she was satisfied it was in the perfect position, she began to hand out freshly baked pumpkin pasties to each of us.

These would be the only consumable products she would share with us for the entire academic year, and that was only because they were purposely made for us by her mother. You could see this in the slight reluctance she had of letting each one go, but she soon turned to devour her own with a look of pure ecstasy on her face.

Peri on the other hand was extracting an intimidatingly large textbook from her bag – from the cover it seemed that she was brushing up on the intricacies of canine transfiguration.

As everyone does to pass the time on a train…

And Beth with no need for an excuse to ignore people, pulled a flashy Walkman from her bag, popped her headphones in and started to read a copy of Witch Weekly.

Well.

Nice to see we were all making the most of this last milestone journey together eh?

But who was I kidding? I was happy to now wonder what compartment Oliver Wood was in…

Maybe I could casually amble down the train and have a look…?

Ask him how his summer was…

"You know," Beth said suddenly, to no one in particular, "I thought I'd lost my Walkman the other day," she hadn't even looked up from her magazine, "but then, this little voice at the back of my head just said '_but where's the music coming from Beth…?_'" _(TS)_

I looked up and stared at her, then burst out into belly aching laughing at the sheer stupidity, "You mean like the time you thought you'd lost your phone and realised you were talking to me on it?"

Beth looked up at me in annoyance and regret and said to herself, "Why do I tell you these things…?" as I continued to laugh heartily at her expense.

A few hours passed quickly in idle chit chat, games and a visit from the trolley lady (Dora: "God I would love her job…") when all of a sudden the train came to a slow stop.

"We're not at Hogwarts yet…" Peri mused, looking out of the window for an answer.

"Weird," I replied, and got up to poke my head out of the compartment door.

I was greeted by a few other faces doing the same, but we all just shrugged at each other and returned to our seats in confusion.

It was getting pretty cold now, so I unwrapped the hoody from my waist and pulled it on over my head, but as my face broke the surface the next breath I let out froze and curled up in front of my eyes.

"What the…" I began, looking over in confusion to the others who were all looking pretty freaked out as they held themselves against the sudden cold.

This rapid drop in temperature was making me feel pretty anxious, and then that slowly turned into completely terrified… now I was beginning to feel like we were never going to get out of here alive… like we'd never make it to our last year at Hogwarts… like we'd never, ever be happy again…

And that's when I saw it.

My mouth opened in the thought of screaming.

My hand flickered towards my wand pocket.

But the horrific image of that creature was burning itself into my memory, its abilities paralysing me to my seat as it passed along the corridor…

I started to phase out… my mind clouding with the worst of my own memories…

…when a burst of silver light ignited the train.

The swirls of blackness receded.

Warmth and feeling returned to us like a big ripple of happiness.

And eventually regained the ability to shout the words…

"_What the f**k_?!"

I looked round incredulously at the others.

Peri was curled into herself, arms over her head in protection, quietly sobbing, so I quickly moved over to comfort her… then stopped when I clocked Dora.

She had somehow managed to pull herself up into the luggage rack where she was now curled up into a protective ball, like a hedgehog.

Frowning I turned to see if Beth had seen this.

But Beth had her eyes closed, obliviously bopping her head along with the music of her Walkman as if nothing had happened…

I slapped the back of my hand sharply against her leg and her eyes snapped open in pain.

"Hey!" she cried, ripping her earphones out.

"Did you seriously not just notice that?" I asked incredulously.

"Notice what?" she asked.

"Oh, just the sudden freak temperature drop of all your good and happy feelings being unwillingly sucked out of you by the Dementor that just passed by our compartment door," I replied, pointing.

"What?" she said, looking round wildly, "are you _serious?!_"

I nodded, disbelievingly.

"Oh, well, I guess I did feel a little sad, but I was listening to a sad song, so I thought maybe I was actually getting emotional about something for the first time…"

I simply stared.

"Heartless for the win!" she cried, smiling and holding her hand up for a high five.

I shrugged in defeat, and high fived her anyway.

It took a good ten minutes to coax Dora down from the luggage rack, and it was only under the threat of us emptying her entire hamper out the window that she complied.

When she got down, she let out a shriek and dived to the floor, retrieving a cauldron cake that had obviously fallen when she climbed into the luggage rack.

"It was so young…" she cried, clutching it to her chest.

I rolled my eyes and sank back down into my seat, rubbing a hand briefly up and down Peri's arm when I saw the look of fear still eminent in her eyes.

She gave a quick smile of gratitude, and settled herself down to look out of the window at the passing countryside, but she was clearly still shaken because her book remained closed beside her.

The rest of the journey was then spent absorbed in theories about the presence of the Dementor.

We were quickly directed to the right train of thought by Peri who produced a copy of the Daily Prophet, from which the sunken face of Sirius Black blinked gloomily out at us.

By the time we reached Hogsmeade station Beth was exclaiming, "maybe _he's_ trying to get into the Chamber of Secrets?!"

"What!" I cried, "Potter killed the monster you idiot!"

"But did he…?" she interrupted, narrowing her eyes and looking around suspiciously.

At this point it was time to change and get off the train, but it didn't hinder Beth's _incessant _debate about Sirius Black's interest in the Chamber of Secrets.

I humoured her with nods and non-committal noises all the way up to the castle, and then the doors of the Great Hall, but there my focus was immediately lost in search of a certain Quidditch Captain at the Gryffindor table…

When I spotted him my stomach gave a familiar flip of anxious excitement… and then he caught my gaze and waved at me.

Caught off guard I lost my senses and grinned goofily in return, and then for whatever reason, I shot him a kind of over enthusiastic thumbs-up…

"Why did you give Wood a thumbs-up?" Beth asked immediately.

"I don't know…" I said, slumping my shoulders and reddening in embarrassment.

"It was hot," she continued, "he probably really wants you now. I wouldn't be surprised if he didn't just jump you across the table right this second…"

"Shut up."

"Oh… he's moving… he's on the move… he… oh no, never mind, he just reached over to grab the mashed potato…"

"I hate you," I growled.

"And speaking of hate," Beth chimed, flicking her long blonde hair behind her shoulders and straightening her tie, "we're back at Hogwarts now - House rivalry has begun. I officially hate you all," and with that she sauntered off towards the Slytherin table.

I laughed and bid farewell to Peri, who proceeded to the Ravenclaw table.

Then to Dora who drifted off to join the Hufflepuffs…

And with a sad sort of joy at having returned to this familiar scene for the very last time, I headed for the Gryffindor table.

For our very last first feast.

Sad face.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong> So if you haven't guessed, though it's the characters final year, this is actually set during the third HP book. These characters are actually loosely based off me and three of my friends, its a long story how it got started, but I basically did a one chapter for fun and now they won't let me stop. Seriously. It's been like 4-5 years, and almost 50,000 words. Someone, please, help me.

Or review!

p.s. if you see (TS) anywhere, it means that was said or happened in real life. Like a "Yeah, that happened." moment. Enjoy!


	2. Chapter 2: The Boggart

**The Boggart**

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><p>When we walked into Defence Against the Darks Arts the next day, we were highly intrigued, as no sooner had we set foot into the classroom, were we all led right back out and all the way down to the staff room.<p>

We were then assembled in front of a battered looking wardrobe.

The new Professor stood before us, hands in pockets, looking just as battered as the wardrobe behind him, and smiled at each of us as we recoiled from the wardrobe's first ominous wobble.

"Would anyone like to hazard a guess as to what may be lurking inside this wardrobe?" he asked casually.

I hadn't the foggiest, and neither did anyone else.

After a few moments of dead silence, he smiled again and began to pace about.

"Well, you already know that they prefer dark, enclosed spaces, such as the wardrobe in which it resides. So what if I add the fact that few know what the creature actually looks like?"

"Ooh," I said, a lightbulb going on, "a boggart?"

"Well done, five points to Gryffindor," he beamed.

I grinned over at Beth who folded her arms at me in annoyance.

"Now, who can tell me the spell best used against a Boggart?"

The majority of arms flew into the air this time, and Lupin pointed one out.

"_Riddikulus_," answered my dorm mate, Serena Atherton.

"Good, another five points."

I grinned even more widely at Beth, who now looked sullen.

"And finally, who can tell me the best technique when dealing with a boggart?"

I flung my arm up confidently.

"Ah, yes, Miss…?"

"Snow, sir, Imogen Snow, and it's best to attack in numbers, to confuse it," I announced.

"Well done! Another five points!"

I grinned broadly at Beth who mouthed, "_I hate you_."

"_Suck it_," I mouthed back.

"So, Miss Snow," Lupin announced, and I snapped my attention back to him, hoping he was a bad lip reader, "I assume you won't mind being the first to face the boggart?" he smiled knowingly.

Well.

That wiped the smile off my face.

Beth grinned evilly at me, so I knew I couldn't say no.

Taking a deep breath, I stepped forward.

"Excellent!" he cried, and moved out of the way, positioning himself near the door of the wardrobe, "now, I want everyone to form an orderly queue behind Miss Snow, then, after Miss Snow has performed the first curse, I will yell 'forward' for the next student to take her place. Now, whilst you're waiting, focus hard on what you fear the most, and think of ways to make it comical."

I took my place in front of the wardrobe and breathed deeply, unsure of what my deepest fear was.

"Okay Imogen, on the count of three, I will open the door…"

I held my breath.

"One…"

My heart beat a little faster.

"Two…"

I could hear it beating in my ears.

"Three…"

And with a loud bang, the door burst open, and something gigantic flew out.

I ducked to the floor and threw my arms above my head and screamed,

"_Christ_! I _hate _moths!"

I heard laughter emanate from behind me, the loudest being from Bethany. Cheers.

"Come on now Miss Snow, concentrate, think of something comic, and cast the spell," said Lupin encouragingly.

I peeped out cautiously.

The gigantic moth was buzzing around erratically, occasionally diving in my direction and causing my stomach to spasm in fear.

I stood up slowly, flinching when it came too near, and thought wildly for something funny, but all I could think of under this pressure was what I wanted to _do_ to it, so I raised my arm, focused, and cried _"Riddikulus!"_ and with the sound of a whip's crack, a giant fly swat appeared and flattened the boggart to the floor, where it twitched miserably.

The class laughed, and I grinned triumphantly as Lupin cried, "Well done! Now, next one forward!"

I moved to the side of the classroom to watch the next attempt.

It was Charlie Quigley, Wood's best friend. He moved forward cockily, lazily raising his wand in preparation.

With a renewed burst of strength at this new prey the moth flew out from under the swat, and with a loud crack shifted, and now facing Charlie was a large mirror. He gave out a stifled cry, which I thought was a little strange, being scared of your own reflection, but when I looked closer, I saw that he was distorted.

Buck teeth, spots, a bowl haircut and wrinkles.

The class burst out laughing, and he ruffled with annoyance, drew himself to full height and cried "_Riddikulus_!" and with a large crack, he merely forced the mirror to reflect the true image again, a handsome messy-haired blonde, with square shoulders and a crooked grin.

And before moving off, he even took the time to arrange his hair and crack a winning smile at the girls behind him.

The girl's giggled and Wood shoved him out of the way, so he came to join me at the side of the classroom grinning.

"With vanity like that you'd be Beth's soulmate," I joked.

"I don't think anyone rivals me on vanity Snow," he laughed.

"We'll see."

Wood stepped forward, and the mirror immediately shifted into none other than Slytherin captain Marcus Flint, who held the Quidditch Cup victoriously above his head.

Wood gave out a huge groan and dropped into a crouch, squeezing his eyes closed and putting his hands over his ears so he couldn't hear Flint's jeering,

"We absolutely _flattened you_… you didn't _stand a chance_ with your pitiful rabble of _losers…_"

"Come on Ollie," cried Charlie beside me, "think of something funny."

Wood merely groaned in response as Flint started booing him.

"Come now Mr Wood, stand up, face him!" Lupin urged.

And Wood did stand, slowly, shaking with anger as he stared furiously at 'Flint'.

"Now raise your wand, focus," Lupin commanded.

And Wood did as he was told, just as the Flint boggart heckled, "and I've even had an offer from Puddlemere United!"

Then to everyone's surprise, Wood dropped his wand…

And punched the boggart square in the face.

"Oh," said Lupin, starting forward, "not quite what I was after…"

"Sorry Sir," he mumbled, cradling his fist and breathing heavily as he stared down at the groaning Flint Boggart - rolling around the floor clutching its nose in immense surprise.

He then moved over to our side of the classroom where Charlie and I were bent double with laughter.

"Right, er, next one forward?" Lupin said, darting furtive looks back at Wood.

Next up was Beth's Slytherin friend Felicia Calchas, who already looked blank with fear, even before the boggart with a whip's crack transformed into an adorable kitten.

Yeah.

A kitten.

And it wasn't even a giant kitten.

It was just a normal sized kitten.

And whilst the rest of the class gave a confused chorus of "Aww…" Felicia completely freaked out, scrambling against the person behind her, her friend Celestina Nitt, who was equally as terrified. The two girls screamed bloody murder and ran from the classroom, and we were left laughing in utter confusion.

"…next?" asked Lupin, now looking very concerned and stood with a hand over his mouth.

Next up was Seth Ackerly, a Slytherin we knew mainly through Dora as they lived in the same village.

The kitten, who was by this point rolling around the floor playfully, cracked into none other than Dora herself, who announced to Seth that she would never date him in a million years, that his hair was too long and it made him look like a woman. To this, Seth shook furiously with annoyance, flushed with embarrassment, and eventually yelled, "Fine! Well f**k you then!" and also stormed out of the classroom.

I looked over at Beth, both wide-eyed with shock, before we burst into laughter, and Lupin feebly called out, "N-next...?"

Serena then stepped forward, and with a wicked smile, Boggart Dora popped into a middle aged woman, with dark, straggly hair, a cigarette hanging from one mouth and carrying two babies under each arm, whilst more children crawled around the floor beside her, whining and crying. I quickly realised the girl was an aged Serena when both women looked at each other and gave out identical screams.

"Now Serena," Lupin called loudly, "focus!"

She stared at the image, wide eyed, looking frantically from one child to another, and I thought for sure she was going to be the fourth run away as she started to hyperventilate, but surprisingly she raised a shaky hand, and screamed a panicked, _"R-riddikulus…"_ and one of after the one, the babies exploded.

The class watched in absolute horror until the very last child had burst into flames, and someone from down the line eventually, very rightly pointed out, "that really _wasn't _funny…"

Serena, hands already flown to either side of her face then screamed in her defence, "I know, I _know_! I just _panicked_!" She then buried her face in her hands, and finally ran from the room.

"_I_ thought it was quite funny," said Beth, as she moved forward for her go, and I just shook my head at her.

The aged Serena narrowed her eyes at Beth, and with a crack, turned again, unsurprisingly, into another mirror. A large gilt mirror that reflected everything in its frame.

Everything except Beth.

Her face screwed up as she touched the glass, and said, "Where am I?"

I started laughing.

"Why can't I see me?" she called to me.

"I dunno Beth," I replied, "but you should fix your hair."

"My hair?" she screamed, grabbed it, and looked at me, "what's wrong with my hair?" then she turned wildly back to the mirror, "how do I make this work?" she screamed, scrabbling her hands all over it in pure panic.

I was laughing pretty hard by now, and managed a, "Think of something funny Beth!"

"Oh, I'll give you something _funny _Snow," and instead of cursing the mirror, she shot a hex at me, which I narrowly deflected.

"Right!" roared Lupin, and with a flick of his wand both Beth and I's wands flew from our hands. He then moved forward to the boggart, which shifted into a floating orb, and with a shout of "_Riddikulus_!" it deflated like a balloon and Lupin trapped it back inside the cupboard.

"I'm afraid that's ten points from Slytherin for attacking a classmate," he said to Beth, who was breathing heavily and clutching her hair, "we might have to have a second attempt at the art of facing Boggart's next lesson. Class is dismissed while I round up your missing classmates," he announced, clutching the bridge of his nose with one hand as the other hung casually in his pocket, then when he had collected his thoughts, he left the room muttering, _"wasn't this hard with the third years_…"

"Ten points from Slytherin!" I called triumphantly after he'd left, "and how many did Gryffindor get? Fifteen was it?"

"Shut up," said Beth, rifling through her bag for her mirror.

"Did you hear how many points we got Charlie?" I asked innocently.

"I'm pretty sure it _was_ fifteen," he replied, then turned to Beth, "Fifteen whole points, to minus ten."

Beth was now calmly smoothing her hair in her handheld mirror, snapped it shut and said, "I hope you all die," then with a flick of her mane, she stormed out of the classroom.

"Aww Beth, you love me really!" I cried after her cheerily.

"How'd you know she'd freak out like that if you mentioned her hair?" Charlie asked me amused.

"Oh I do it to her on a daily basis. She knows I'm probably messing with her, but her vanity won't let it slide - she has to check," I grin, **(TS)** then I dropped my face into a frown and added, "though you on the other hand do need to check your hair."

He eyed me suspiciously, his grin faltering, reappearing then dropping once more, trying to figure out whether or not I was joking .

"No seriously," I said, looking at Wood for back-up, who quickly mirrored my face and agreed.

Charlie looked pained, his hands almost flew to his head of their own accord, but he wrestled them back to his sides before he eventually caved and said, "You guys suck," and flew out of the room like Beth.

Wood and I barked out in laughter, and he held out his hand for a low five which I quickly took him up on.

"Nice one," he said, grinning at me before he followed after Charlie.

"Cheers," I replied coolly, but after he left it broke into a blushing, triumphant grin.

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><p><strong>AN: I don't think moths are my biggest fear, but it was an interesting question to ask myself! I'm sure it would really be more along the lines of Mrs Weasley's, but that's not very light-hearted...<strong>

**ALSO,**

**Gave this to 'Beth' to proof read last night:**

**"I know you're just joking... but now I actually have to go check my hair!"**

**And talking about this scene with 'Dora':**

**"I wonder what my boggart would be... maybe an empty store cupboard?"  
><strong>


	3. Chapter 3: Charms

**Charms**

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><p>I had Charms with the Hufflepuffs first thing next morning,<p>

"Morning," I yawned as I sleepily approached Dora hovering outside Flitwick's classroom.

She just nodded, looking nervously into the classroom.

"What's wrong?" I said, peering inside.

"People," she said in answer.

I looked at her, and then back into the classroom, then back at her "Would you look at that," I said, "there really are people. Crazy. Anyway, I'm gonna head in…" and I left her to nervously follow me inside.

"Good morning class!" piped Professor Flitwick from his tottering pile of books.

"Morning…" we mumbled in reply.

"Right then, today, we will begin work on the devilishly tricky, Bubble Head Charm!" he squeaked excitedly.

There was a vaguely enthusiastic response, and an ecstatic squeak from Dora beside me, who straightened up eagerly.

"Now the incantation, if you will repeat after me, is _Bulla Caput! _Altogether now, that's right, _Bulla Caput. _Yes! Very good, very good! Now, with your wands, on the _Caput_, you give a small, quick, sharp revolution, in a clockwise motion, like this," he demonstrated, "A diagram is given on pg 934 of your textbooks if you feel the need. So, everybody watch me, are you watching? Emily Desford, are you watching back there? Right, so, point your wand towards your face, and '_Bulla Caput_'!_"_ he shrilled, and round his head a large bubble burst into existence, giving him the appearance of a tiny deep sea diver.

I stifled a small giggle at the mental image of Flitwick exploring the deep depths of a fish tank, and looked over to Dora, whose eyes were wide with wonder.

"Right, get practicing; it's all in the wand motion!" he called cheerily.

Dora dove into her back to retrieve her textbook, rifled through the pages feverishly to find the diagram and then poured over it in immense concentration, a manic gleam in her eyes.

Rolling my eyes, I took out my wand and began practicing the motion Flitwick had shown us. It seemed relatively easy, and once I gotten the gist, I started trying to be more precise with my small circle each time.

I looked up sneakily to see if anyone had yet to try the spell. I was standard practice in most lessons - no one wants to be the first to try and fail.

I soon noticed my closest Gryffindor friend, Ariana Penrose, taking in a deep breath of preparation, so I settled to watch intently as she nervously cast the charm.

Well, no huge bubble appeared around her head like it was supposed to, but what did happen is that a vast amount of bubbles came sharply shooting out of the end of her wand, which then continuously pelted her in the face.

Coughing and spluttering as the class giggled, she began to turn a shade of red before Flitwick piped in, "Not to worry, not to worry, it'll be all you can do to begin with! Quite normal!" so then the class began to follow one by one, shooting varying degrees of bubbles into their own faces.

I shot Ari a thumbs-up with a mocking grin to which she scowled, before I turned quickly to watch Oliver Wood's attempt, who at that moment was taking a moment to prepare himself, as Ari did, before he cast the spell.

Now, Wood _did _manage to produce a singular, and large bubble, but to the same effect as Ari's, so it basically came shooting out of the end of his wand and essentially punched him in the face, sending him toppling backwards over his chair.

I snorted in laughter at this, and when he scrambled up he happened to catch my eye, so with a grin I held up my forefinger and thumb a small distance apart as if to say 'close!' with a small wink. He raised his eyebrows at my teasing, and motioned at me to have a go, and my cockiness immediately ebbed, and I gulped as I pointed my wand towards my own face.

Now I must say, I found this an oddly unsettling thing to do. It's felt like playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun... so I took a breath, cleared my mind, then with a quick burst of confidence, cast the charm.

I achieved much the same effect as he did, a single large bubble, but it just burst wetly in my face, soaking me and the front of my robes. I was the first to laugh, and I could hear him laughing too, and looked over to see Charlie mock clapping. Dora was beside herself in a fit of giggles as I wiped my face with my sleeve, and then used my wand to dry myself off.

"Come on then Dor," I said, "your go," now drying my hair.

She looked resolute, and like me took a long moment to prepare herself. Then all of a sudden, she pointed her wand at her face, and gave a strangled yelped of, "_Bella Cupoot_!"

My heart leapt in fear at her pronunciation.

I waited.

I watched.

And just as I exhaled a sigh of relief that no consequence was coming… her head started to slowly swell.

"Uh, Professor Flitwick…" I said, watching in horror as her face began to bloat.

"One moment Miss Snow," I heard him chime.

"No, really, Professor!" I yelled in panic as Dora's head continued to inflate. My heart was seizing in my chest as I tried to think of something to do to help, but I was frozen in dread as I watched, completely powerless.

Her eyes were now completely rounded in fear. Or at least I think they were… it was hard to tell… they were kind of popping out like one of those toys that you squeeze and their eyes pop out in huge orbs? Not the point…

"Professor!" I shrieked, unable to take my eyes off Dora, whose head was now twice as wide as her body, given her the appearance of some grotesque wooden spoon in the shape of a cartoon person.

"Oh my goodness," Flitwick said, and with that, Dora'a head popped.

I screamed loudly and covered my face with my hands, barely able to comprehend what had just happened.

Oh my god.

Dora's dead.

She's dead!

I just watched one of my best friend's heads explode.

Oh god… oh god…

"Snow!" I voice said in my ear, grabbing my shoulder, "it's okay!"

"How on earth is it okay?" I yelled.

"Just look," they said, and I looked at the face of the person speaking, and saw Wood smiling at me in relief. Relief?

I looked round wildly at Dora, and to my absurd relief her head had simply popped to a normal size again.

"Holy s**t," I cried, placing my hands back over my eyes again in release, "I seriously thought I was going to open my eyes and see your brains all over the wall Dora!"

"Language Miss Snow," chirped Professsor Flitwick in annoyance.

"I'm so sorry Professor," I said, breathing heavily, still with my hands to my face trying to calm myself, "that just really freaked me out."

"Yes… well… understandable I suppose… circumstances….," I heard him say, "How are you feeling Miss Dobbs?"

I looked at her through my fingers, and she seemed to take a long moment to think about this.

"Light-headed," was her reply.

And the whole class erupted with laughter.

I shook my head at her disbelievingly and put my hands to my chest, willing my heart to stop racing.

"And how are you feeling?" Wood then asked me, and I turned to see a look of genuine concern on his face.

"Oh…" I said, feeling a blush rising in my cheeks, making me blunder ever further, and I think my heart began to beat even faster, "Oh fine… no I'm fine… still a little in shock I think…" my head keeps nodding, why is my head nodding so much? Stop that! I clasp a hand to my head to stop it's bobbing movement, then clear my throat awkwardly as he's still staring at me, "Thanks…?" I offer.

At that he looks suitably convinced that I'm okay, as breaks in a smile and says, "Good," before returning to Charlie, evidently without another thought on my behalf, or at least that's what I figure as he doesn't even look my way the rest of the lesson…

"Stop staring at Wood," Dora hisses.

"Right, yes, no, staring bad, I remember," I said, averting my gaze quickly, but not before Charlie has noticed me looking, and is now eyeing me quizzically as I blush.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> **Oh Oliver... you heart throb you! By the way, it is incredibly weird to write essentially myself with a love interest. Like really weird. This was never my intention with this story but from it's origins it was inescapable, plus obsessive crushes I think I can safely say are one of my identifiers. Like 'Beth''s Vanity :D**


	4. Chapter 4: Slam anyone?

**Slam anyone?**

* * *

><p>I was incredibly grateful for the weekend when it finally arrived, and thanks to an unseasonably warm outbreak of wintry sun we took to the grounds Saturday afternoon, though it was still cool enough for us to need jumpers.<p>

I dumped my jacket at our usual spot by the lake, and flopped down on the grass, giving a cursory reflex glance for Oliver Wood in the vicinity. Sadly, he was nowhere to be seen.

Peri as usual withdrew one of her many books from her bag and buried her nose inside, as Beth began setting up a muggle card game Dora had taught us called Slam.

No one had been able to beat her at this game yet, which gave her much joy.

As Beth was just gearing up to demolish me in a game, Peri suddenly chirped "Dora!", and we looked up in unison to see, shuffling towards us, a slightly roughed up Miss Dobbs.

"What happened to you?" Beth asked, uncharacteristically worried.

Dora sighed heavily, looking incredibly flustered and embarrassed.

"Well… I was trying to walk past a group of the… 'conventional cool kids'… because they were all sat on a circle in the grass… and I was trying to pretend that I was interested in the Whomping Willow… so they wouldn't notice me… and then… and then… and then I tripped over one of the pumpkins in the pumpkin patch." **(TS, apart from it was a curb.)**

Peri at least had the good will to barely supress a smile as she made room for Dora.

Beth and I laughed for ten minutes straight.

We may have re-enacted it a few times.

Eventually we settled down to playing Slam, Beth winning victory after endless victory whilst slowly our other wayward friends begin to join the circle.

"Hey Seth, did you get your hair cut?" I said loudly as I clocked his close cut new locks.

He simply mumbled in assurance and sat down to talk to Dora, over whose head I caught Beth's eye and we started sniggering.

My attention was then taken by Dora's Hufflepuff friend, Aurora Goodfellow.

She was rolling around in the grass.

Just rolling.

Back and forth, back and forth...

...eventually Peri asked her why.

"I'm showing Elodie the best way to get all of the air out of your air bed! She's going camping at Christmas!" Aurora beamed. **(TS)**

I looked over at Elodie who looked back in confusion, blatantly never having asked for this stellar piece of advice.

I turned to Peri slowly and asked, "Why do we hang out with these people?"

"I don't know," she replied, narrowing her eyes at Beth and Dora who were tying up their hair underneath their chins to create beards. **(TS)**

Dora then held up two fingers in front of her in between her eyeline and Beth's, so that I assume her fingernails were, in her view, covering Beth's eyes and exclaimed, "It's like you're wearing sunglasses!" **(TS)**

I sighed and shook my head in bewilderment along with Peri, when a voice behind me called "Hey Snow!" and I turned to see Charlie heading over, with an ever so slightly puzzled looking Wood in tow.

My heart leapt for both the proximity to Wood, and the fact that Beth and Dora were dancing around with their beards on…

"Hey Charlie!" I called loudly, noting Beth hastily returning her hair to normal for the presence of boys. Dora for the presence of outsiders.

"Nice weather huh?" he grinned as he reached us.

"Uh… yeah sure," I said, sharing a slightly confused look with Wood as we each said "Hey."

It wasn't that I wasn't friends with them, and had been for almost seven years, but we rarely hung out outside of class like this, or at least purposefully sought each other out.

And before I knew it (or could thank the gods) Charlie had dumped his jacket next to mine to be taught Slam, and I'm chatting enthusiastically about the latest Quidditch league news with Wood.

"Did you hear the Cannons dropped Booton?" Wood said.

"Yes! What the hell are they thinking? He's the best beater they've had in years. And it's not like people are _lining up_ to play for them. I think that Weasley kid's the only supporter they have in the whole of Hogwarts," I laughed.

"I think you're right! They've only dropped him as he's nearing forty, but I don't see why, that hasn't affected his game at all," he continued, with a gleam in his eye I've noticed he gets when talking about Quidditch. It becomes more manic as the Hogwarts season progresses.

"It's disgraceful," I countered, just as a scream emanated from behind me.

I looked over, startled, to see Beth looking with both fury and confusion at the single card Charlie held in front of him, casually leaning back on his free hand as they both were sat crossed legged in front of each other.

"Oh my God you beat Beth!" I cried disbelievingly.

"No!" Beth screamed back defiantly.

"Oh I think he did beat you," Peri smirked.

"Noo!" she screamed.

"Oh he definitely beat you," Dora joined in, beaming.

"Nooo!" she screamed louder.

Charlie looked from one to the other of us then back at Beth's meltdown, "So I'm guessing you don't like to lose then?" he grinned mischievously.

Beth narrowed her eyes at him, before saying forcefully, "Rematch."

"Oh I need to watch this," I said to Wood, scrambling over as the others gathered round.

The game was furiously fast. Their hands almost a blur as they tossed cards onto each pile, slammed, re-shuffled and laid out their cards and continued to play again. Each time one of them got close to winning the other would narrowly snatch the victory away from them at the last minute, until finally…

"_Slam!"_ Charlie yelled, holding the single card up victoriously.

Beth screamed in fury again, and Charlie simply said, "Oh baby, I love it when you get angry," with an added wink.

At this her eyes popped in rage and she stormed over to the lake.

I was in joyous stitches by this point, and held my fist out proudly for Charlie to bump it.

"You might be my new God," I said.

"I get that a lot," he grinned back, ruffling his hair as Wood shook his head, amused at his friend's arrogance.

Eventually after much coaxing Beth calmed down and re-joined us, refusing to play Slam again, but submitting to sitting huffily and rigidly on the edge of our group.

Luckily I noticed a distraction was walking by.

"Beth look!" I said, pointing out a receding figure.

"Oh my god it's Joel!" she cried, immediately forgetting herself. Nothing could cheer Beth up like teasing Dora.

Dora looked up at us when she heard the name, like a rabbit in headlights, and breathed out a "No…!"

She only got wide Cheshire cat grins in return.

"Don't sing the song…" she pleaded.

"So sorry about this," I said to Charlie and Wood.

Then we took a sharp intake of breath... and Dora squealed and shoved her fingers in her ears.

"_Dora wants Joel's babies! Dora wants Joel Ooooh!_" (to the tune of 'Don't you want me baby?" by the Human League. (A muggle band).) **(TS)**

Now, Dora didn't actually have a thing for Joel, he was just the brother of a friend, but I once teasingly asked her 'Do you want Joel?' and somehow she misheard this as 'Are you tired?' and gave out a breathy, slightly mournful sigh of "Yees…" and then we sang the song, and all fit so perfectly, and she just gets so mad… we've even re-written the first verse. **(TS)**

Speaking of which, Dora by this point is half torn between having a tantrum of embarrassment, and trying to beat us to death to get us to stop, when suddenly, she snapped.

I literally didn't even have time to say "Uh-oh" before she'd pulled out her wand and a spell was heading our way.

I felt a strange, burning heat overtake my upper lip, and my hand immediately sprung to the area.

There was hair quickly growing where it shouldn't be.

I looked over at Beth in panic and I let a wild laugh escaped my lips.

Because she was now sporting a rather fetching handlebar moustache.

But before I could truly appreciate the spectacle before me, the horror of realisation set in about the fact that I was now also had some form of a moustache.

I had a moustache.

On my face.

In front of Oliver Wood.

Oh my god…

Oh good god…

I tried not to look over at him…

I tried to think what to do…

But I could hear him and Charlie laughing hysterically…

The blush rose in my cheeks and I shot daggers at Dora who was now stood timidly, obviously immediately regretting her actions - in fear of retaliation.

So in the end I decided it was just best just to roll with it.

And with a quick flick of my wand Dora was sporting an incredibly large and elaborately curling moustache.

She immediately squeaked and covered it up, but at my outbreak of laughter she quickly relaxed and joined in, then we were both giggling hysterically.

"This isn't funny!" Beth fumed at us, which just made us all laugh even harder.

"Oh I think it is Beth," Peri said. She was crying a little.

"Oh you think this is funny Peri?" Beth said, gesturing her wand.

"Oh no…" Peri began, backing up a little.

"Well I think your nose looks lonely!" she said vengefully, and before Peri could even say 'wait' she had a rather long and handsome pencil moustache.

I bent double as I looked from one to the other of each of us.

Beth's handlebar….

Dora's elaborate curls…

Peri's pencil…

Then Charlie howled, "Snow you look like a Persian night club owner!"

I creased even further at this, but still managed a, "H-hey, hey Charlie… I moustache you a question!"

And that was it, we couldn't stop laughing for a good half an hour.

And what was even funnier was that Dora's continued to grow slowly , and work itself into ever more elaborate designs.

My cheeks burning and my stomach in pain, I finally managed to get a hold of myself and borrow Beth's mirror to admire Dora's handiwork.

"You know what... I actually look disturbingly good with a moustache…" I stated proudly.** (TS)**

"You actually do," Wood chuckled in agreement from my left where he was sat.

"I might grow one properly," I concluded.

"You should. Reckon it would suit me?" he stupidly asked.

"Rookie error," I said, grinning widely, as his eyes grew wide in realisation.

"No… wait!" he said, trying to grab my wand before I could raise it.

But too late.

He had a Poirot.

"Oh..." I giggled as he assessed the damage with his hands in panic, then grabbed the mirror.

Charlie just straight out pointed and laughed as hard as he could when he saw, so Wood sent a spell at him without a second thought.

"Not cool," he said to Wood as a Chinese style moustache began to slowly grow down past his lips, and all of us fell about laughing again until the sun began to set, and we had to start trudging back towards the castle.

"I love how you finally snapped at us Dora and the worst thing you could think to do was give us facial hair," I teased her.

"I know," she winced, "but it seemed so villainous in my head at the time..."

"Well this has been stupidly fun," Charlie said, catching up, "we should hang out with you guys more often."

And I could only manage a grin as response.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> **Well, you may have noticed quite a few (TS)'s, wanted to record a few of our favourite real life moments from college so we don't forget! **

**Gave this to 'Beth' and 'Dora' to read,**

**'Beth': "No one beats me at Slam! THIS IS NOT REALISTIC! I DO NOT ACCEPT THIS SNOW!"**

**'Dora: '"Wheras in real life my only defence is "Guys… guys stop it…" (in a whining voice)**

**Also, I do look weirdly good with a moustache. No seriously.  
><strong>


	5. Chapter 5: Potions

**Potions**

* * *

><p>I was pulling my books out of my bag, stifling a huge yawn, when Bethany sat down stiffly beside me.<p>

She had a very strange look on her face.

Kind of confusion mixed with deep thought.

And a little bit of shame.

"What's going on?" I asked, genuinely intrigued.

She opened her mouth, closed it again, and then said, "I think I was just solicited by a thirteen year old."

"What?" I cried, causing Snape to look over angrily from his desk, and we both hurriedly finished getting our ingredients out.

"By 'solicited'," I whisper, "do you mean that a thirteen year old has asked you for legal advice, or that a thirteen year old has offered you money for sex?"

"The latter," she replies.

"What?" I cry again, earning an even dirtier look from Snape, who is now waving instructions onto the blackboard with his wand.

"Who the hell offered you money for sex?" I hiss.

"What do you mean by that?" she says.

"What do you mean what do I mean?"

"Well you make it sound like it's crazy that someone would offer to pay me for sex."

"It is crazy!" I burst.

"Oh, so you mean I'm ugly?" she cries.

"What? Oh, no! I don't mean it like that!" she looks unconvinced, "I'm sure lots of people would pay to have sex with you…" I realise how weird this sounded.

"How much?"

"Huh?"

"How much do you think people would pay me?"

"Oh for Christ's sakes," I reply, putting my face in my hands, "Bethany, who offered you money for sex?"

"Well, they didn't actually ask for sex," she whispered.

"Oh," I say, highly confused, "so what exactly are you talking about?"

"Well, just as I was leaving the Slytherin common room, that kid, you know, Draco Malfoy?" I nodded in confirmation, "comes sauntering up to me, and asks me out to the Halloween Hogsmeade trip!"

"Okay, in no way is that someone offering to pay you for sex," I confirm.

"I'm not finished!" she hisses, "so, I obviously say no, and that's when he offers me twenty galleons to go with him!"

"To go with him to Hogsmeade?" I check.

"Yes."

"Not to have sex?"

"No."

"So we're clear on the meaning of the term 'soliciting'?"

"Yeah yeah, I get it, I was exaggerating!" she says, clearly annoyed.

"So what did you say?" I ask, beginning my potion.

"I said I'd think about it."

"What?" I cry, and this time Snape shoots me a death glare, and I know next time he'll take points. Or blood. Perhaps a vital organ.

"He's thirteen," I hiss.

"_Almost_ fourteen," she tries to defend.

"Oh yes, now it no longer borders on child abuse…"

"I'm not going to have sex with the kid! He just wants to impress his mates!"

"What, with you?"

"Okay now that was definitely an insult."

"Chill out I'm joking. You're not seriously considering this are you?"

"Well, to be fair, twenty galleons is a lot of money…"

"Beth!"

"And it is only a trip to Hogsmeade…"

"Beth, just no."

"Though you would probably tease me forever…"

"Yes. I would. Ceaselessly," I reply, "It'd be like 'Hey, remember that time you were a paedophile?'"

She smacks me in the arm.

"You're not doing it," I reply, rubbing my arm.

"Oh come on, we'll just grab a butterbeer and then wander around!"

"I think he wants to grab more than your butterbeer…"

"He just wants arm candy! I'm happy to be arm candy for twenty galleons."

"Hey, maybe you can use the money to buy some kind of costume? Use it to entice children into your van."

"I'll buy you chocolate if you shut up," she says angrily.

I think about this carefully, "Okay, give me a five galleon cut, and I'll let you go."

"…and you won't crack jokes?"

"Promise."

"And you won't tell Peri and Dora?"

"Cross my heart."

"Done," she says, happily chopping her rat's tail.

After class we find Peri and Dora in the library.

"Hey!" I cry when I see them, "guess who's paying Beth for sex!"

"Oh for god's sake!" Beth shouts, "fine I won't do it!"

And then Miss Pince threw us out for shouting about sex.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: This was a fun chapter to write because I literally told 'Beth' this scene over Skype and said 'Right, now try to convince me to let you go', so a lot of this is an ACTUAL conversation me and Beth had in character! Very fun!<strong>

**Oh hey Beth, remember that time you were a paedophile?  
><strong>


	6. Chapter 6: Transfiguration

**Transfiguration**

* * *

><p>"I can't believe Pince threw us out," I grumbled to Peri as we made our way to Transfiguration.<p>

"You did shout sex_ really_ loudly," she clarified.

"What was that Miss Poliakoff?" demanded a slightly shocked Professor McGonagall.

"_Check,_ Professor!" I cried, then quickly regained my composure, "we were playing chess in the library and I uh… yelled _check_ really loudly and… Miss Pince threw us out…" I trailed off.

She didn't look like she'd bought it, just pursed her lips, looked disapproving and motioned us to towards our seats. I smiled awkwardly at her and then shot a look at Peri, who looked amused and slightly mortified at the same time.

"Right, today class you will be turning your partners into pumpkins. Proceed," she said, waving her wand to cast instructions on the board.

Peri and I looked at each other briefly before both throwing our hands up in the air and yelling: "Dibs not going first!"

"Dammit," I cursed, Peri having said it a noticeable split second before me, "fine," I sighed, and swivelled round in my chair, closing my eyes in a pained anticipation.

I heard her ready herself, and then cast the charm.

Nothing happened.

I opened my eye experimentally, to see Peri looking at me, wide-eyed.

"Oh god, what?" I cried, my hands flying to my face. It all felt normal but… "Holy crap I'm orange," I yelled, noticing my hands and staring at them in horror.

I heard a snort of laughter from behind me begin to travel around the classroom, and I couldn't bear to look at Wood so I buried my face in my hands.

"I thought you were meant to be good at this Peri," I moaned through my fingers.

"I know, I'm sorry!" she cried, "but look!" I looked up and over to where she was pointing, and Charlie was also now in the same predicament and looking equally horrified.

"Hey!" I called, "you've got a little something on your…" and vaguely gestured to my entire being, causing him to smirk.

"Yeah, you too," he said.

"_Hey_," I said, looking with mock shock at my new colour and back up, "I _pay_ to have this done. They call it the 'Hawaiian Tropic'," I smiled proudly.

Charlie and Wood laughed as I turned back to Peri, "Wanna try that again then."

She grinned and repeated the process.

This time my body popped into a huge pumpkin, but my head and legs remained the same.

I stared at her for a long hard moment as she collapsed into laughter before saying, "Are you actually kidding me?"

She only laughed harder.

"Guess it saves me on buying a Halloween costume, ay Professor?" I smiled as she passed.

She just rolled her eyes at me, and with quick wave restored me to normal.

"Okay," I said, as Peri wiped a tear from her eye, "last go and then it's _my_ turn."

"Okay, okay…" she breathed, trying with great effort to stop laughing, "I think I have it this time, I promise."

"Okay, I believe in you. You got it this time," I said, shuffling into a more comfortable position on my seat.

Turns out she managed to do it this time, as when I popped back into my senses McGonagall was congratulating her, and Peri had this immensely proud smile on her face that she gets every time she excels in class. A smile I am very familiar with.

"Hey! My go!" I cried happily, jumping down from my seat, and she suddenly looked fearful.

"Oh come on," I moaned, "it won't be like last time…"

"That's what you said last time," she said warily.

"Well, it's not my fault I'm a mediocre student. You should pair up with Sheppley next time," I said, gesturing to Herbert who had just successfully turned Toby Howell into a pumpkin and back.

She looked thoughtful for a second then shook her head as if clearing her mind, "No, no, you have to learn I suppose…" she said, settling herself into her chair.

"Well… that is the general idea of a Transfiguration lesson, but whatever…" I mumbled, positioning myself.

"Ready?" I said, and she nodded, eyes squeezed tightly shut, so I breathed, and cast the spell.

Well.

She did turn into a pumpkin.

But it was kind of, oddly shaped, and her face was still on the front.

I choked out in laughter and bent double, looking back up at her as she frowned at me like an animated jack o' lantern.

"What the hell did you do?" she cried, and I had to fall down to sit on the floor as I was laughing so hard.

"Well done Miss Sn… Oh…" McGonagall said as she caught sight of Peri's face glaring out from the front of the deformed Pumpkin.

Her left eye was about two inches higher than the right one, both slightly slanted, and her mouth was half open on the one side and too far to the right.

"You look like a Picasso Pumpkin!" I spluttered from my state of hysterics on the ground.

McGonagall simply looked at me disapprovingly and restored Peri to her original form, but I swear I saw a slight twitch of a smile in the corner of her mouth as she turned away.

"Not funny," Peri said, brushing her skirt down against her leg and straightening her tie.

"Oh yeah, nothing even vaguely hilarious about that," I said, wiping my eyes.

"Right, ready when you are," she said.

I composed myself stoically, and tried again.

Okay, I really lost it this time.

I fell straight to the floor and couldn't look back up, because Peri's hair had transfigured into an obscenely tall Pumpkin stalk, complete with two leaves either side of her head. And she was cleanly bald underneath it.

"Oh my god that looks like a…" began Peri's Ravenclaw friend Elodie before McGonagall snapped, "don't say it Miss Bennett. Hold still Miss Poliakoff," then she waved her wand, and the stalk suddenly flopped flaccidly onto its side and slowly turned back into Peri's immaculate hair.

I could barely breathe.

"Do you need to step outside of the room Miss Snow, to control yourself?" McGonagall sniffed pointedly, and I nodded weakly, eyes streaming as I ached with laughter, "you too Mr Quigley," she said, and Charlie and I sat outside laughing for a full ten minutes, setting the other back off each time we calmed down, until eventually the class filed out past us as the lesson ended.

"I can't _believe_ you turned my hair into a penis…" Peri said furiously as she stormed past me, and we were gone again.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Ah ha ha ha ha <strong>ha ha ha ha <strong><strong>ha ha ha ha <strong>******ha ha ha ha******** ha ha ha ********ha ha ********ha ha ha******** ha ha ha ha ********ha ha ha ha******** ha ha ha ha ********ha ha ha ha****!**!**

**Ha!  
><strong>


	7. Chapter 7: Halloween

**Halloween**

* * *

><p>The term was flying by and before I knew it, Ariana, Emily, Serena and I were shuffling sleepily around our dormitory, pulling on and discarding various combinations of warm clothes for the Halloween trip to Hogsmeade, trying to be cosy whilst still looking vaguely presentable for the attentions of boys.<p>

A hugely difficult feat.

Eventually, with each of us only vaguely satisfied we headed down to the great hall for breakfast, chatting excitedly about the visit until I left them to join Beth at the Slytherin table, under the agreement that I would meet back up with them at the Three Broomsticks.

I slid into the space next to Beth, just as someone was sliding into a seat the other side of her.

"So, Bethany," came a high, drawling voice from her other side, "did you consider my offer?"

I snorted in laughter and looked over at Beth, who now had a stiff, pained expression on her face.

Malfoy was giving her what I assumed he thought was some suave, alluring gaze, and Beth's eyes darted to mine as I sniggered away.

"Oh Malfoy…" she squeaked, "uh… the thing is… I uh…" she looked at me pleadingly for help.

I laughed loudly and simply replied, "Answer the poor boy Beth," immensely enjoying watching her struggle.

She mouthed a bad word to me, and turned back to Malfoy, "Ah well, you see, I can't go because… because… my uh, my permission slip, eaten by badgers, terrible tragedy and…"

"Eaten by badgers, what the devil are you talking about?" he demanded angrily, looking around conspiratively and lowering his voice, "how about thirty galleons?"

I gave another snort of laughter and had to shove my knuckle into my mouth to try and control myself, as I saw the cogs in Bethany's head moving around slowly.

She'd looked at me again, the images of shoes bouncing around in her eyes.

"Oh for Christ's sake," I shouted, "sod off Malfoy, you little git, before I tell Potter and that Weasley kid you had to pay a girl to date you."

He gave me a look of pure fury and genuine fear, and after a moment of angrily looking from one to the other of us, spluttered, "You'll regret this!" and stormed off, muttering something about contacting his father.

Beth returned to her food as I laughed unrestrainedly beside her, wiping a tear from my eye.

"Shut up," she grumbled.

"What's going on?" said Peri as she arrived with Dora.

"Oh, nothing, Bethany just raised her child sex trafficking rate," I replied.

"_I am not involved in child sex trafficking_!" she cried, and half the hall looked round at her curiously, which caused her to mumble, "I hate you," to me.

"No you don't," I yelled, flinging my arms around her, "you _love_ me!" crushing her to my chest as she mumbled incoherently, though I did catch a whining of, "think of the shoes!"

She continued her foul mood all the way to Hogsmeade, refusing to talk to me, so I wandered on ahead with Dora as she hung back muttering furiously to Peri,

"All I had to do was go on _one _Hogsmeade visit, she's just jealous, yeah that's it, she's jealous, because she's never been offered and money, and it was a lot of money. The shoes, _oh_ the shoes and the clothes! Perhaps I could just go tell him the deal's back on… but Snow would tell Potter, and he wouldn't risk it... thirty galleons! _Good God Snow why did you tell him no! I hate you!"_ she shouted, which caught the attention of Wood and Charlie who were passing.

I smiled and shrugged, to which Wood shook his head and Charlie continued to look back at Bethany's unrelenting rant with amused interest.

By the time we'd finished at Honeydukes, I'd had to buy her three packs of black pepper imps, promise to undergo a dare of her choice, and buy her a chocolate frog any time she wanted one, until she found the very last card she needed to complete her collection, just to get her to shut up.

We pushed our way into the bustling Three Broomsticks, and I ordered a round of butterbeers, and joined my Gryffindor dorm mates at a large table towards the back. Within half an hour we had a pretty large group, as everyone's house friends had joined us.

"I don't believe it," cried Beth suddenly, causing me to slosh a little butterbeer down my front.

"What," I said, moodily mopping myself up.

"It's Herpo the Foul," she said disbelievingly, looking down at the chocolate frog card in her hand incredulously.

Beside her hand lay a discarded chocolate frog box, the one and only box I'd bought for her since we'd made our deal, and I barked out in laughter,

"You're joking," I cried, grabbing the card from her, and I burst out into further laughter as Herpo glared foully out at me from within his frame, "well that's two out of three conditions down!" I announced to her joyfully, throwing her final chocolate frog card back to her, which she caught as though it were the most priceless jewel she'd ever encountered, and held it closely to her chest, eyeing me angrily.

"Fine," she cried, "Then I dare you to go over and talk to Wood," she smiled wickedly.

I stopped laughing and a little trickle of foreboding ran down my back as I wondered about her intentions.

"That's it?" I replied after a second of silence, confused.

"Nope," she smiled, and I swallowed ominously, "I want you to have a conversation about Quidditch, in which the word broom," she grinned, "actually means penis."

I sprayed back out the sip of drink I'd just taken, and choked on it a little for good measure, as Peri and Dora collapse into nervous giggles beside me, and Arianna clapped me on the back worriedly.

"Oh…" I finally coughed out, looking back at Bethany as her eyes glinted with mischief, anxiety knotting in my stomach before I decided with a flash of nerve "this will be interesting," and not wanting to give her the pleasure of any hesitation or embarrassment on my part, I downed the rest of my drink, stood up, and moved into the throng quickly.

I soon found him lingering in the corner, not only with Charlie, but none other than Fred and George Weasley, running through beater tactics for the upcoming Gryffindor vs. Slytherin match.

"Hi," I coughed nervously, nonchalantly trying to join the conversation.

"Oh, hey Snow," he said, looking only briefly at me for a second before continuing his animated discussion.

Ouch.

I could see the Weasley's eyes glazing over as they listened to him,

"So if you guys beat the bludger back and forth between you whilst I…"

"So," I cleared my throat "Wood… I hear you have the best broom on the Gryffindor Quidditch Team?" I announced, "other than Potter's I mean," I added, forgetting myself, than grimacing when registering what I'd actually said.

Behind me I hear the stifled giggles of my friends, obviously having positioned themselves within earshot.

Wood looked at me with slight confusion at my interruption, whilst the Weasley's eyed me with interest, and Charlie looked at me a little in shock and amusement, obviously having understood my meaning immediately.

"I wouldn't say the best…" he replied, "but certainly the most powerful."

"Oh," I said, trying to maintain my seriousness, as Charlie and I both looked down with a stifled smile.

I glanced back at the girls before I continued, "I see. I've also heard it's the biggest, you know, length wise?" I tried to look at him innocently.

"I wouldn't say so…" he replied, looking at me as though trying to figure me out, "I mean, compared to Fred and George's, it's relatively small."

I bit my lip at this, and Charlie had to look away, causing Wood to glance at him suspiciously, and I knew the amusement was becoming evident on my face as a fresh peal of laughter rang out from behind me.

The Weasley's now looked like they were twigging onto my real meaning.

"So, do you often compare broom lengths?" I breathed, shooting the twins a sideways glance, and confirming the joke to which they started to snigger, and Wood began to look more perplexed, eyeing the girls over my shoulder nervously. Charlie had to close his eyes tightly.

"Not really… but just because it's slightly smaller doesn't mean it reduces my performance in any way," he said quickly, "I think it's because I take good care of it, you know, keeping it trimmed, and I polish it most nights," he said proudly.

"Really… most nights," I say, and I had to move my hand to my mouth as I was seriously struggling to contain my laughter, which was bubbling out a little, whereas the girls were bent double, and I think George was literally crying into Fred's shoulder who was looking up in earnest effort to keep from laughing, I couldn't even look at Charlie any more for fear of losing it, "and of course, it's not really the size is it, it's what you do with it," I say, pressing my lips together tightly.

"Of course," he says, turning toward me, evidently getting into the conversation, his eyes lighting up like they do when he talks about Quidditch, "and, I don't mean to brag but, I know what I'm doing with a broom. And it's not just about skill, it's about the way it feels and even down to the way you hold it, you know, the position of your hands?" Fred's knees gave out beside him and he had to turn his face away to hide his laughter.

Wood glanced at him briefly before returning his attention to me and announcing, "I even find if you squeeze it a little, it goes that much faster."

And to this, we all lost it. Bethany and Charlie were on the floor and I had to shove my knuckle into my mouth as Wood looked back and forth between us, obviously wondering what on earth was so funny, then he looked at me,

"We're not talking about brooms are we?" he asked, folding his arms.

I shook my head slowly, eyes streaming.

He narrowed his eyes at me for a second and then said, moving his hands to his pockets, "Well in that case, I'd like to confirm that I do have the best and biggest broom on the Gryffindor Quidditch team," he glanced back at the twins, to which George opened his mouth to argue and Fred said "Hey!", and then he leaned in to pointedly add, "and I definitely know what I'm doing with it."

And with that, he winked at the girls behind me and moved off into the pub, looking back only once to smile at the bemused look on my face.

I looked back at the girls whose eyebrows were all raised.

"Dude, did Oliver Wood just flirt with me?" I asked disbelievingly.

"I think he did," Bethany confirmed with a laugh.

"Score," I said softly, raising my eyebrows and turning back to look at the space where he'd disappeared.

"Oh," said a laughing voice from the floor, "that was priceless," it was Charlie, being helped up by the twins as they all wiped tears from their eyes.

I smiled breezily at him, knowing he'd just heard my reaction to Wood's flirting and reddened ever so slightly, putting a hand in one pocket and scratching the back of my head awkwardly.

"So what was that about, may I ask?" he said, eyes twinkling.

"Beth dared me to do it," I cried childishly, pointing at her as I said it.

"Give it a rest Snow, everyone knows you like Wood apart from Wood," she said loudly, and then she sniggered at the innuendo of me liking wood before she returned to our table.

I looked at her furiously, and then back at Charlie, now blushing more deeply as I opened my mouth to speak.

"It's true," he confirmed grinning, as both twins nodded sagely from either side of him.

I dropped my mouth open at them in horror.

"Are you serious?" I cried, and looked back round at the large group of my friends at my table, who all nodded back.

"Bugger," was my reply, and I moved to the bar with the desperate need to order another butterbeer.

"Look, Snow," said Charlie, moving in beside me, "if you want Ollie, I'm afraid you're just going to have to make it blatantly obviously. He's crap with girls, couldn't see a pick up line if it hit him in the face, so just go for it mate, and if it helps, I reckon he likes you too," he said with his trademark grin.

"You're just saying that," I said suspiciously, but none the less, my stomach filled with anxious excitements.

"Nah, he's always said he liked you, I mean, in a friend way, but with the level of thought that Ol puts into the romantic side of girls, that pretty much means he loves you," he smiled cheekily, "He doesn't really talk about it, but if it was anyone, it'd be you, I promise," he said, holding his hand up in sincerity.

"Hmm," I replied non-committally, eyeing him inquisitively, "why the sudden urge to help?"

He grinned in reply, "let's just say in the future, you owe me a favour?"

I narrowed my eyes at him momentarily, and then quickly softened to the idea of having Charlie as my inside man, and stretched out my hand to him, saying, "You're on," and he shook it gleefully.

I was in pretty high spirits by the time we returned to the castle, Beth and I skipping around like children in our hyped up butterbeer state, and we excitedly separated off to our own tables for the Halloween feast.

I sat down heavily next to Ariana, and ducked to narrowly miss a cloud of swooping bats, and when I looked back up I saw Charlie's grinning face again, next to a wryly smiling Oliver.

Out of sheer awkwardness and the memories of Wood's proud announcements about his broom, I leant my face onto my fist to stifle my sudden giggles and the three of us laughed hard for a minute or so.

"So why did Beth dare you do that, Snow?" Charlie asked teasingly.

"Oh, I lost her thirty galleons," I side-stepped artfully.

"Thirty galleons?" they both cried.

I twitched my face and nodded.

"What did you do?" Wood asked curiously.

I laughed, and relayed the events of Malfoy's offer, and by the end we were all laughing so hard that Charlie managed to knock his pumpkin juice all over himself.

We spent the rest of the feast chatting animatedly about the nearing Quidditch match, Wood relaying the effort he'd already forced onto the team, and our speculations of how many fouls the Slytherins will incur in their desperation to win.

By the end of the feast we were all literally groaning with food, and we heaved ourselves up sleepily to begin the trek to the top of the castle.

"I reckon they did this on purpose," moaned Charlie.

"Did what?" asked Ariana.

"Put the dorms at the top of the castle, because they feed us up so much. It's either as an exercise regime or a sick, sick joke."

I laughed, "What about the Slytherins and Hufflepuffs?"

"Well, that's obvious isn't it? The Slytherins don't need the excercise, because the fat gets eaten up by the throbbing black holes of evil they have instead of hearts. And it's definitely no coincidence they put the Hufflepuffs next to the kitchen... probably so they can eat their own feelings…"

I barked out in laughter as he added, "…gotta give the poor buggers something."

I looked ahead and saw a large crowd of students had formed around the portrait hole, and we all looked at each other in confusion.

Someone pushed roughly past me, and I would have lost my balance if I hadn't of fallen into Wood, who straightened me awkwardly as Percy continued pushing through crying, "Let me through please."

We strained our necks trying to a get a good look, but could see nothing, only hear the low mumbling of Percy's voice.

Suddenly another person pushed past me, and this time I face-planted Wood's chest as Dumbledore swept past, and I blushed and mumbled "Sorry," just as two more people pushed past me as Snape and McGonagall hurried past, and after the fourth time I cried, "You know what, I'm just going to stand over here," and moved down the steps to his side, burying my face in my hands.

When I looked up Charlie and Arianna were openly laughing at me as Wood stood stiffly beside me in embarrassment.

We all soon quietened as information began to trickle down to us.

"_The Fat Lady's portrait's been slashed_," whispered a voice ahead of us to their friend.

Arianna and I exchanged shocked looks, then had to duck quickly as a loud and familiar whooshing sound came above our heads.

Peeves cackling manically, began to bob gleefully about our heads shouting, "You'll be lucky," at the headmaster.

Dumbledore raised his voice to speak to him, and now we could all hear the conversation very clearly, especially the part about Sirius Black.

The crowd gasped and I felt Wood's hand grab the middle of my arm instinctively, as he looked back over his shoulder for any sign of Black.

I widened my eyes and looked over at Charlie, whose face matched mine until he started grinning again.

When Wood finally finished looking around, he seemed to only just notice he held my arm tightly, and let go as though it were red hot, mumbling, "Sorry…"

I just smiled awkwardly, feeling mightily pleased with myself.

Eventually Dumbledore was calling for quiet, and ordered us all to return to the Great Hall, where we stood around awkwardly waiting for instructions as the others houses joined us.

Soon Dora, Peri and Beth were hurrying over worriedly.

"What's going on?" asked Peri nervously.

"Yeah, someone was saying something about Sirius Black?" Beth whispered.

"Yeah, he's been in the castle," I said, and their jaws dropped.

"I knew it!" Beth then exclaimed, "He's going for the chamber!"

"The chamber?" asked Charlie quizzically.

I rolled my eyes, "Beth, if he was going for the chamber, why would he try to break into the Gryffindor dorm?"

"Maybe he needs Potter to get him in?"

"Potter wasn't even there! We were all at the feast you nutjob!"

"Oh yeah…" she said, now getting lost in thought.

I shook my head disbelievingly, just as the tables rose in front of us, and piled themselves at the side of the halls. In their wake appeared hundreds of squishy purple sleeping bags.

We looked from one to another then eventually shuffled forward to claim one.

Beth grabbed one next to me, and I looked up to see her grinning and looking a little past me. Turning I saw Wood had happened to grab the one on my other side, and saw Charlie grinning at me from behind him.

"Oh how I wish you'd stop grinning," I hissed at Beth.

"Oh no, this isn't grinning, this is a knowing smiling, there's a difference," she grinned.

I kicked off my shoes and clambered into the bag inelegantly, just as Dora cried, "Look guys, look!"

We obliged.

She then flung her sleeping bag out to unravel in front of her, at the same time crying with a smile, "_Expandus_!"

Oh… head shake.

"Oh my God," she then suddenly cried, dropping her bag in shock, "maybe he's an Animagus!"

We all looked at her like she was crazy, "No really! Maybe he can turn himself into a beetle or something, and that's how he escaped and got into the castle! Like through an open window or something?" she said excitedly.

"Dora, that's ridiculous," I said as I settled myself down, leaning one arm back behind my head.

"Yeah, plus it's called Animagus, not… insectagus…" Bethany chided.

"Oh, well," Peri chimed in, "actually a beetle is an animal, as the latin 'animalus' roughly translates to 'having breath' so essentially anything that has breath is an animal, and then they are broken into subsequent categories like mammals, invertebrates…"

"Yeah, yeah, we get it Per…" Beth said moodily.

I snuck a glance over at Wood, who was chatting quietly with Charlie.

If I shuffled myself over just a little bit, I thought, I could eavesdrop on their conversation…

I could easily make it look like I was trying to get comfortable or something…

I glanced over at Beth who was looking the other way, and quickly shuffled over a little, trying to make it look as though I was wriggling into my sleeping bag further.

"Snow," Beth said immediately, "what are you doing?"

"Nothing," I squeaked, "just trying to get comfortable," and I lay very still as she smirked at me.

I could just about hear them, and I listened carefully…

Quidditch.

Of course they were talking about Quidditch.

I turned grumpily onto my side as Percy shouted "The lights are going out now! I want everyone in their sleeping bags and no more talking!"

A low mumble of annoyance sounded as everyone settled themselves down to sleep, and the sound shuffling of sleeping bags increased for a full minute.

Something brushed the back of my bag, and I turned to look over my shoulder, to see Wood turning to look over his shoulder, mumbling, "Sorry, just trying to get comfortable…"

"S'okay," I replied, and turned back onto my side, grinning.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Oh broom innuendoes... endless fun!<strong>


	8. Chapter 8: Defence Against the Dark Arts

**Defence Against the Dark Arts**

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><p><em>"Have you heard?"<em>

I jumped a little in shock and spilt my orange juice on the table, looking round worriedly to see who was addressing me in such a wild manner.

It was Wood.

"Heard what?" I said, suddenly blushing for no apparent reason…

"The Slytherins!" He said, throwing himself down into the seat next to me and beginning to pile random foods furiously onto the plate in front of him.

"What've they done now?" I said, eyeing his behaviour curiously.

"Managed to spin Malfoy's _scratched_ arm into a ticket to sub out of this week's game! They've switched out with Hufflepuff!" he raged.

"What?" I said, mouth falling open in equal shock, "the slimy b***ards!"

I immediately spun round and looked for Malfoy, who was blatantly pitifully bemoaning the fate of his arm to all those around him who would listen over at the Slytherin table.

"Eurgh, look at him, the smarmy little git… _Oh hey Malfo_y!" I yelled

He looked up in confusion.

"Twenty Galleons say you're a lying little toerag, or better yet – _how about Thirty_?" I grinned maliciously with a wink.

He opened his mouth a few times like a bewildered fish, blushed furiously then excused himself quickly from the table, dragging his two ham-headed cronies with him as he cast startled looks back at me occasionally.

I shook my head in anger and sat back down in my seat, looking back at Wood, who was sporting a wide grin.

"That was great!" he said, happily beginning to eat.

"You're welcome," I laughed.

"What was great?" said Beth as she arrived.

"Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah… don't even think about it Slytherin," I said, holding my hand up, "You best be getting back to your table."

"_What_, no fair… what have we done _now?_" Beth cried.

I didn't even answer, just shook my head and motioned my thumb back towards the Slytherin table, to chivvy her on.

"_Aww man_… stupid oversensitive Gryffindors…" she grumbled.

I rolled my eyes at Wood who grinned again.

We then lapsed into such easy conversation, drifting back and forth between Slytherin and Hufflepuff bashing ("No Dora, you can't sit here today." "What why?" "Just no. Go sit with your Slytherin cronies." "…but they're so threatening…") and discussing Quidditch tactics, that it wasn't until Charlie's voice roused us that we realised we were sat together in the classroom ready for Defence Against the Dark Arts.

"Oh, I see how it is," Charlie said, mock-hurt, "A pretty girl indulges your Quidditch madness for five minutes and it's bye-bye Charlie…" he moaned shaking his head and beginning to move off to find another seat, where he bumped into Beth, "Oh, look Bethany, we've been replaced in their hearts," he gestured back at us, "care to join me in rejection?"

"Aww, look at them," Beth jibed as she and Charlie sat down to stare at us, "so cute it makes you want to… oh.. oh dear… I think I may have just thrown up in my mouth a little…" she covered her mouth appropriately.

"Yeah I see what you mea… oh god… it's nauseating…" Charlie joined in, pretending to retch.

By this point Wood was a bright shade of red, looking incredibly uncomfortable, and pretty much speechless.

I on the other hand was absolutely fuming.

"Pretty quick for an excuse to sit next to Charlie, Beth, what's that about?" I asked nonchalantly.

"What?" she said, becoming immediately flustered, "I didn't _want_ to sit next to Charlie, it's my only choice thanks to you and Mr _loverboy_!"

"Sure…" I said, getting my textbooks out and trying to contain my blush, along with my power in this battle of wills.

"Oh, so you _aren't_ sitting next to_ the_ Oliver Wood, the one you've been obsessing about for the last seven years? Because I'm pretty sure the picture you keep under your pillow _is_ of him, unless you've changed it," she shot maliciously.

My mouth hung open briefly in shock before I quickly regained my composure. I'd obviously hit a deep nerve with the Charlie thing here, but that was too far…

"Good one Beth. At least I'm getting _some_ interaction with boys, as opposed to the girl whose _only_ action is thirteen-year-olds with cash up front," I smiled cynically.

"I don't just date people who pay me!" she screamed, "And at least people _want_ to pay to go on dates with me! When was the last time you went to Hogsmeade with someone who wasn't me, Dora or Peri?" she demanded.

"…When have you?" I countered.

That had her stumped for a minute.

"When you weren't there…?" she tried pathetically.

"Oh yeah? Okay, for argument's sake then, let's say it was the _one_ time I missed Hogsmeade last year because I was sick. Who did you go with?" I asked.

You could see the cogs whirring feverishly in her head, and her eye started to twitch as she ran out of plausible thinking time, until eventually she burst - "I got drunk off firewhiskey and made out with Oliver Wood!"

"What?" I cried.

"What?" Charlie cried.

"Wha…?" Oliver said.

"Detention," Snape moaned.

Ah, Crap.

"Professor…" I began.

"Not another word," he drawled as he swept passed, and I was suddenly confused by his presence. 'This _was_ Defence Against the Dark Arts right...?' I thought as Beth and I sat back down in our seats (from which we'd risen in argumentative anger without even noticing) shooting dirty looks at each other.

"I'm really sorry about that," I mumbled to Wood.

"Uh, that's okay… I didn't make out with Beth, by the way," he whispered back.

"Yeah, and I don't keep a picture of you under my pillow…" I whispered.

Anymore…

"Professor Lupin is unable to attend his classes for the time being," Snape then explained, "Turn to page three hundred and ninety-four."

There was a collective groan from the class as today would obviously involve no practical magic, but we were quickly silenced with a single glare.

I looked up from my page turning to glare at Beth again, who was glaring back and mouthing – "I hate you."

I flipped her the finger.

Dropping her mouth in outrage, she grabbed her wand, and subtly flicked it as Snape glided past.

I sneezed.

I sneezed again.

And then again.

And again.

I couldn't stop...

Wood looked at me worriedly.

Snape looked at me angrily.

Beth was pointing and laughing...

"Sorry Prof…_CHOO_…"

Snape curled his lip in distaste, then turned back to the board so I was able to quickly rectify myself. Then I sent a hex back at Beth.

Her eyes darted round wildly as she waited for the effects to begin, to figure out what I'd done...

She felt it suddenly as the hair began to slowly lift from where it rested on her cheek, her hands springing up immediately so she could feel it slowly curling itself tightly into a perm.

It was at this point that Charlie happened to then casually look to his left at Beth, doing a double take and jumping in fright...

This caused me and Wood to fall into suppressed laughter, trying not to attract Snape's attention as he continued to write up notes about Werewolves on the board. God knows why. We'd covered those in third year... but Beth with her well-developed knowledge of hair spells was easily able to end the jinx before Snape turned back to address the class.

"Can anyone tell me the difference between an Animagus and a Werewolf?" he drawled.

My hand flew up of it's own volition thanks to Beth.

I smiled pleasantly at her as I answered – easy question.

She looked sour and made a disparaging noise - a rookie error as it drew Snape's attention to her.

"And with so much to say Miss Twycross, how about you instruct the class on how to _recognise_ a werewolf?"

Her eyes widened in horror and she sat up straighter, hesitated, then cleared her throat to speak...

but all that came out was a high pitched voice, like she sucked a balloon full of helium.

I sniggered away behind my hand as I concealed my wand back into my sleeve as subtly as I could.

"What the devil is going on here?" Snape demanded, easily recognising the magical tampering of Beth's voice.

He turned to look at me immediately, but I returned the look innocently, holding my hands up in defence to show my lack of wand.

He narrowed his eyes at me, then flung his wand arm back at Beth to rectify the damage without leaving my eye contact, "Miss Snow, as you answered so eloquently before, perhaps you can enlighten us again?"

I swallowed, this question was a little trickier.

But when I finished the process of swallowing to open my mouth and speak, my tongue remained jammed to the roof of my mouth.

I tried to pull it away, then speak, but I could only make noises… I tried to motion to my mouth to say I couldn't speak, and Snape spun round to look at Beth, who mirrored my actions before - look no wand! He then whipped back round to me, but as soon as he did Beth whipped out her wand again, and my feet began to tap dance. Snape whipped back round to Beth, whose wand concealed, couldn't stop my counter-curse. Thank god I'd mastered non-verbal.

She suddenly slipped out of her chair in shock at the feeling in her legs, and was then was unable to gain support from them as they wobbled beneath her.

"No fair!" she broke, "I don't know the counter-curse!"

"Unjellify!" Snape cried, pointing his wand at Beth's legs, then correcting my uncontrollable dancing ones, "Snow, Twycross. Twenty points from each of you, and both of you to the Headmaster's office _immediately_!"

We hung our heads in shame and collected our things, me bidding a quiet farewell to Wood, and hoping it wasn't a larger farewell thanks to me and Beth's outbursts today, I thought as I followed Beth out the classroom.

We walked miserably and silently next to each other as we made our way to see Dumbledore, until eventually Beth said as we waited for the staircase to appear - "I can't believe I didn't know the counter curse was just Unjellify…"

Sniggered I knocked on the door, and waited for the deep resounding "come in" to sound from inside.

To be honest I loved any excuse to go to Dumbledore's office (yes, this wasn't the first time…) it was really, really cool. And he had a _Phoenix_…

"Hello Professor Dumbledore…" we both chimed solemnly as we entered.

"Ah, Miss Snow, Miss Twycross!" he smiled cheerily, looking up from his obvious letter writing, "I was expecting to see you two much sooner than this, well done!"

"Thanks," Beth said as she dumped herself into one of the chairs in front of the desk.

"Does good behaviour earn a stroke of Fawkes…?" I asked cheekily.

He twinkled at me from behind his half-moon spectacles, and inclined his head in agreement.

I beamed back and made my way quickly to Fawkes' perch, extending a hand slowly and cautiously until the beautiful bird bowed his head to accept my petting.

I remember our first visit to Dumbledore in our first year. Beth and I's house rivalry had gotten the better of us in the days leading up to the final, and we'd managed to turn each other our house colours from across the great hall at breakfast, earning us a sharp reprimand from McGonnagall who escorted us up to this wonderful office. Beth and I were shaking in our boots, thinking we would be expelled... but Dumbledore was mostly impressed that we were able to turn each other the colours that we actually wanted as mere first years, and only half-scolded us under the stern glare from McGonnagall.

"So what was it this time ladies?" Dumbledore asked, continuing to write his correspondence at his desk.

"Snow started it," Beth said immediately.

"Doesn't she always?" he replied chucklingly, well used to this line.

I sighed, "We had an argument before the start of the lesson, then continued it through a subtle jinxing war whilst Professor Snape was teaching."

"How long was it before he noticed?" Dumbledore asked.

"Oh only about four to six spells in. We could have kept it going much longer but we went for the obvious too quickly," I replied, marvelling at Fawkes beautiful plumage. I was lucky enough to be catching him whilst he was at one of his healthiest stages.

"Ah yes, so often does anger scupper our best work… well, as always, try to refrain from mischief, or one of these days I'll have to do something drastic, like punish you," he smiled dryly, so we knew he was being serious.

"Yes sir," we replied in understanding.

"Now, take a sherbet lemon and be off with you," he said, returning his attention to his letters.

"Yes sir," we smiled, diving into the bowl of sweets on his desk, slapping each others hands away.

"Bye Fawkes," I cooed, and the bird bowed its head a little in response.

"Bye Professor," we both chorused.

"'Til we meet again," he replied wearily.

We quietly sucked on our sweets as we descended back down the staircase, til I sniggered again and said, "Ha! You couldn't even figure out the counter curse was just unjellify..."

"Shut up," moaned Beth.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> **HA! Idiot... me and 'Beth' had some fun with this, as I asked her what she would do to embarrass me and she typed out the thing about the photo thing, then I typed back.. and so on until Snape's arrival. Some casual Starkid stuff in there too.. yeah... we're HUGE Starkids... maybe too huge at times... we dressed up once... (I was Lupin, 'Beth' was Lucius (go figure), 'Dora' was Umbridge (complete with homemade Dumbledore hand puppet), and 'Peri' was Snape! We then went to the 7.1 midnight showing... and I cried my moustache off... no seriously. (TS) )**


	9. Chapter 9: Hufflepuff vs Gryffindor

**Hufflepuff vs. Gryffindor  
><strong>

* * *

><p>The morning of the Hufflepuff vs. Gryffindor match was a mundane affair, as it really didn't have the gravity to generate much excitement. <strong>(TS)<strong>

I sat down sleepily at the Gryffindor table, and started to pile sausages onto my plate, when I had to stop, because there was a panda staring at me.

That's right.

A panda.

Now, how I didn't immediately notice a panda sat at the Hufflepuff table when I walked in was beyond me, but there it was, looking at me.

I looked behind me, over my shoulder, to confirm I was indeed the one it was looking at, and when I looked back, it was waving.

Peri slipped onto the bench beside me and I turned to her.

"Am I high?" I asked.

She looked at me, startled, "I don't know, are you?" she asked.

"Well, there's a panda waving at me," I said, looking back at it.

She followed my eyeline, and jumped a little when she saw it.

"Oh good," I said, "you can see it too."

"What the f…" said Bethany as she arrived, when suddenly the Panda put its paws to its neck, and popped off its own head.

The three of us recoiled a little in disgust and shock, when we realised a new head had appeared, the head of Dora, from within what I now realised, was a panda suit.

The three of us looked at each other, then they looked back at me.

"Am I taking this one?" they nodded, "okay..." I said, and I lifted myself up and made my way over to Dora, with Peri and Beth trailing behind.

"Hi Dora," I said brightly, sitting next to her as she tried to clasp a fork in between her giant paws, and direct bacon into her mouth.

"Hey Snow!" she replied happily.

"Watcha doin'" I asked.

"…eating," she replied in some confusion.

"No," I sigh, "I am of course, referring to the giant Panda suit."

"Oh!" she says, "what about it?"

I looked back at Peri and Beth, who are staring in incredulity at Dora, then turned back to her myself.

_"Why?_" I ask.

"Well, I thought it'd be fun to dress up as the team mascot!" she says brightly, now using her wand to levitate food into her mouth.

I narrow my eyes at her, and assessed her outfit.

"Dora…" I say slowly, "you do realise the Hufflepuff mascot is a badger… right?"

Then Dora proceeded to burst out into laughter, and I felt a little hopeful that I'd made a mistake, when she said,

"The Hufflepuff mascot isn't a badger, Snow!"

My heart sank, and my face began to crack into a grin,

"Um, yes it is Dora," I say, trying to remain calm.

"No it isn't," she replies stubbornly, "is it guys?" she directs at Peri and Beth, who slowly nod in agreement with me. Dora's face drops a little. She turns to a groups of first years beside her, "the Hufflepuff animals not a badger is it?" she asks, and then they look at her like she's crazy, and nod.

Dora then looks down at her plate, and starts to go very red, whilst I am cracking a rib with my suppressed laughter, and Peri and Beth are both crying.

Then, Dora promptly pops her head back on, stands, and swiftly waddles out of the Great Hall, and I laugh so hard I can barely breathe.

I look over at Wood, who's looking sick with nerves as his breakfast lies untouched in front of him, and he looks up and catches my eye, narrowing them suspiciously. It's then that I realise that I'm now sat at the Hufflepuff table and get up quickly so as not to look like a supporter, and we return to the Gryffindor table to eat breakfast. I motion at Wood to eat, but he just shakes his head minutely and I give up.

The ceiling above us is thick and congealed with cloud and pouring rain, and I draw my coat around myself, not relishing the thought of having to step out into it. Eventually we agree that we should head out there, and traipse into the entrance hall, securing our coats, tucking our trousers into our socks, and wrapping scarves tightly around our necks and faces. From the entrance to the dungeon, Dora emerges in what is now an artfully edited badger costume, and we all smile teasingly at her.

"Shut up," she says, popping her head on, and marching out into the pouring rain, and with one huge gust of wind, she topples over and rolls away. Beth and I double over immediately, laughing so hard my stomach hurts, whilst Peri squeaks and rushes off out into the storm to help her. We quickly follow, laughter tumbling out of us as we try to catch Dora, who each time she stops, tries to get up, and then tumbles back down. Finally we manage to grab her, and force her through the wind toward the Quidditch pitch, all four of us freezing cold and soaked to the skin, but laughing like maniacs.

**(highly entertaining if you listen to 'Tubthumping' by Chumbawamba as you read that bit ^)**

Settling into the stands, we could see that the match had already started, but could see nothing of the actual action but the passing of the occasional red and yellow blur through the thick rain. Pretty soon a few of the people who had been crazy enough to brave the weather in the first place trudged off miserably, leaving only us _hard-core_ fans sitting there pointlessly, trying to figure out what the hell was going on.

At some point a flash of lightning lit the sky, a shrill whistle blew, and the coloured blurs touched down on the ground.

We grabbed our binoculars and stared hard through them, just about making out the players assembled on the ground below.

Wood was gesturing wildly to Potter, and then his bushy haired friend raced up to them, grabbing Potter's glasses and tapping them with her wand.

"That was clever," mumbled Peri, but I didn't bother listening to her explanation, as I was too busying stewing over the look Wood had just given the Granger kid.

"_I thought he was going to kiss her!"_ whispered Bethany, and I grumbled in response.

The players then returned to their brooms and took off into the rain, another flash of lightning passing with a roll of thunder.

You seriously had to wonder about the faculty of Hogwarts sometimes, allowing a Quidditch match to take place in a thunderstorm. Nutters the lot of them.

Suddenly a blur of yellow streaked upwards, closely followed by a blur of red, and I cottoned on that it was Diggory and Potter chasing the snitch, but just as they disappeared into the cloud line, a cold trickle of dread and fear creeped across my chest, and the temperature dropped unbearably...

My eyes dropped to the ground where a mass of black had descended onto the pitch, and my heart leapt in fear. They were pointing up toward the sky, and from where they motioned, a block of red plummeted. We all leapt to our feet and crowded the rails, as we watched with horror as Potter plunged down towards the ground, and landed with a huge splat into the mud below.

It was mayhem.

Everyone was racing down onto the pitch where the teachers were driving off the Dementors with beautiful displays of silvery light, and we too were rushing with the crowd over to Potter.

Suddenly my senses kicked in and I flung my arms out to stop Dora, Peri and Beth from going any farther, sure that Potter would be dead and not wanting them to see.

But to my surprise he was being hovered onto a stretcher, still breathing, and taken off in the direction of the castle.

I noticed the cry of arguing voices, and looked over to see Diggory brandishing the caught snitch, saying, "I didn't know Oliver, I swear, we'll have a re-match, I don't feel right about…" but Wood simply waved a hand and said, "No, you caught it, fair and square, nothing to be done," and trudged off towards the changing rooms without another word.

My heart sank at the loss, just as Dora said, "Does that mean we won?" excitedly.

We began to battle through the mud and head back to the castle, when I saw two red-heads come out of the Gryffindor changing room.

"I'll catch up," I said to the others, who nodded and ploughed on.

Catching up with the Weasleys I asked, "How's he doing?"

"Not good," said George, shaking his head.

"We can't get him to come out of the showers," said Fred.

"Think he's trying to drown himself," George added.

I nodded sombrely, and after a moment's battle with myself, headed towards the changing rooms and battled my way inside, shutting the door loudly from the wind.

I could hear the shower running, and so called loudly, "Uh… girl in the changing room..." so that he wouldn't happen to come out naked or something, thinking he was alone.

"Katie?" he called, and I felt a little stab of jealously, "No, it's Snow," I called, "I wanted to... uh… check if you were okay, which is pointless, because I know you're not okay, because it's you, and it's Quidditch... so I guess I wanted to see if I could help, or something... and now I'm rambling, and you're in the shower… and you know what, I'm just gonna go!" I shouted, spinning on my heel.

"No, wait," he said, and I could detect a small amount of amusement in his voice as the shower turned off, "just give me a sec."

I turned to wait awkwardly, and caught sight of myself in a mirror...

Good god.

I quickly un-tucked my trousers from my socks, grabbed a nearby clean towel and began to wipe my face desperately clean from mud, then used it to attempt to rustle my hair in to something more resembling my usual deliberate dishevelment. Gingerly peeling off my sodden Gryffindor scarf, which was trickling water down underneath my coat, and then tried to dry my neck and...

"Hey," said Wood as he appeared round the corner, fully clothed and drying his hair with a towel.

"Hi," I said, pausing in my endeavour with embarrassment, "…it's wet out there," I said stupidly gesturing toward the door.

"I noticed," he smiled, but it didn't quite reach his eyes as he moved towards the benches and sat down.

I wrapped the towel around myself as I was getting pretty cold and I felt disgusting, and went to go sit next to him.

"So how are you doing?" I asked pointlessly.

He just sighed and shook his head, then groaned and leant forward to bury his face in his hands.

I sat for a moment uneasily, and then stretched a hand out gingerly to rub his back in what I hoped was a soothing way, but I think it was just too awkward.

I at least managed to stop myself from saying, "there, there…"

He seemed to sit there quite contentedly for a while though, and then eventually sat back up, so I retrieved my hand quickly and wrapped myself back up in my towel protectively. He leaned back against the wall and looked straight ahead, and I did the same.

"You only lost by a hundred points," I said.

"To _Hufflepuff_," he whined.

"Exactly, they're not exactly going to go on a winning streak are they? Diggory's their only good player. They'll lose to Ravenclaw and then…"

"Yeah, but they'd have to lose by at least two hundred points!" he said, turning to look at me.

"Not an unimaginable feat for Hufflepuff," I pointed out, and he smiled in spite of himself, "You just need to win the next two matches, which you will of course. This is the best team we've ever had, and you're the best captain," I said confidently.

He nodded despondently, looking off into the distance for a long moments thought, then back at me, "Thanks," he said quietly.

"Welcome," I replied, and smiled. And then he unmistakably looked down at my lips.

The bottom of my stomach dropped out with sudden nerves as he looked back up at me, and Charlie's voice rang out in my head,_ "you're just going to have to make it blatantly obvious"_ ...so with a spur of confidence, I turned on to my side, causing our faces to become obviously close. I then looked down at his lips deliberately and back at him as he'd done, and by some miracle work of the wizard gods, he started to lean in...

And that's when I started to freak out a little.

I mean, I'd been fantasising about this for years... what if I'd built it up too much in my head...? ...What if he was a bad kisser...? What if I was a bad kisser...? I mean I'd had some experience, but not much... so what if it's this awkward, horrific kiss, that so awful we can't even remain friends anymore...? And then he'll tell all his friends about how bad I am, and I get ostracised from society and… _oh my wizard _god_ what if kissing really does get you pregnant…!_

But then he kissed me.

And it was awesome.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> **N'aww. And so unbelievably weird to write...**


	10. Chapter 10: Detention

**Detention**

* * *

><p>"I mean, I love Quidditch, seriously, what's not to love? But Wood literally talks of nothing else," Beth moaned in furious hushed tones from our corner in the library, "And even if you talk to him deliberately about something else, he manages to drag the conversation back around. It's like, "Oh hey, did you hear about the Chamber of Secrets?" "Yeah, it's meant to be huge. Bet you could play Quidditch in there!" or "Man, Cheering Charms are difficult huh?" "Yeah, I should really try and perfect it though, be great to keep the team's spirits up!" or "Oh my god, look at all these dead puppies! What the hell could of happened?" "I don't know, I could use the bodies for Bludger practice though!"<p>

I looked up at her worriedly.

"…okay I made the last one up. The other two though. One hundred percent true."

I sighed and rolled my eyes and continued with my work, trying to hide the fact that I completely agreed.

We'd been dating a few weeks now, so he and Charlie spent most of their spare time with us, and half the time I had to make out with him just to get him to stop talking about Quidditch.

"I swear though, if you took your top off in front of him, I'm not sure if he'd see boobs, or Quaffles."

I laughed this one off, but I may have been secretly concerned…

"Oh my god and _Charlie_," she continued, gaining a shushing from Madam Pince as she passed, ever wary when me and Beth were together in the library, "is driving me crazy, it's like his entire purpose in life is just to _piss me off…_"

Okay, I did have to openly agree with this one.

"He does seem to relish in that," I said begrudgingly.

"I know and, _oh bloody hell, speak of the devil…_"

"Hey guys," said Charlie as he slipped into the seat beside me.

"Sup Charlie," I said, not looking up from the essay I'd just pulled out.

Beth just studiously ignored him.

"Hey Beth," Charlie said, leaning across the table to grin at her.

Her jaw visibly tightened...

He continued to stare.

Her eye began to twitch...

He continued to stare.

Her lip bean to tremble...

He continued to stare.

"_What?"_ she burst out shouting.

_"Out!"_ Miss Pince yelled, pointing towards the door.

Charlie and I grinned at Beth as she huffily packed her things away, and was escorted out by Miss Pince.

"That was fun," he said, and I nodded smilingly as I returned to my work.

I could tell from a vibe that he was staring at me.

I looked up to confirm.

"Did you need something Charlie?" I asked, though the answer was obvious by his returning grin.

"Well! Now that you mention it… I was wondering, now that you and Ol are together… if you could help me out with that little favour you owe me?"

I looked up, set my quill down, entwined my fingers and said, "Okay…" intrigued.

"Great," he grinned, "I want you to help me get with Bethany."

I stared at him for a long second.

"Bethany?" I said finally.

"Yes," he replied.

"_Bethany_, Bethany?" I asked.

"Yes. _Bethany_, Bethany," he confirmed.

"_Bethany_, Bethany, who at breakfast this morning announced that she'd suddenly had the urge to check that she had still had hands before she picked up her knife and fork?" **(TS)**

"Yes, that's the one," he replied confidently, still grinning.

I narrowed my eyes at him, _"…why?"_

He raised his eyebrows at me, "You don't have a very high opinion of your friend do you?"

"Oh, I do," I replied, "it's actually that when it comes to girls, I don't have a very high opinion of _you_…" I said honestly, smiling pleasantly.

"Ouch," he replied, "point taken. But I assure you, I have nothing but noble intentions towards your friend. Well, not completely noble, I'm a teenage boy of course, but noble… _overall,_" he said, eyes twinkling.

I leant back in my chair, and surveyed him for a long while, thinking carefully, before eventually saying, "Okay."

He punched his fist with a "_Yes_" and stared at me gratefully, before getting up to leave, when I called him back with an "_Oh, and Charlie…_"

I leant toward him, beckoning him to join me, so he leaned back down eagerly to listen.

"You break her heart, I break your face," I said softly, raising one eyebrow to show my seriousness.

He smiled nervously and recoiled quickly, grabbing his bag to leave and said "Loud and clear Snow, loud and clear," before disappearing with one last Cheshire cat grin.

I stared after him for a long while, and wondered what exactly I'd just gotten myself into, when Peri and Dora arrived.

"Note from Snape," said Peri, proffering a piece of parchment to me before settling down to her homework, whilst Dora extracted a large pile of knitting from her bag, From the looks of it it seemed like she was trying knit a large shaggy dog.

I unrolled the scroll to reveal the note -

* * *

><p><em>Be present in my classroom at six o clock this evening for your detention. Do not think I had forgotten.<em>

_~ Professor Snape  
><em>

* * *

><p>In fact that's precisely what I'd thought, that he'd forgotten. Beth and ours jinx war had been well over a month ago… it must've been because when the group of us passed Dumbledore and Snape in the hallway this morning, Beth had said "Big up the Dumbledore!" and I'd held out my hand for a fist bump, which Dumbledore had of course indulged. Not exactly the interactions between two recently chastised students and their harbinger of justice…<p>

Or he may have spent a month stock piling filthy cauldrons for us to clean out by hand, because that's exactly what he had us doing.

After he left us alone to get on with it, I considered this to be a perfect opportunity to begin subtly working on Charlie's favour.

"I think Charlie has a thing for you," I announced, scrubbing away at some indescribable gunk at the bottom of a copper cauldron.

"What?" I heard Beth squeak from the other side of the classroom.

I smiled at the slight hint of delight I'd caught in her voice.

I didn't say anything else, just let her mull over it until eventually she broke.

"Why on earth do you think he likes me?" she demanded.

I didn't look up from my work, "It's classic playground bullying isn't it? Pushing you down, pulling your hair, because he likes you…" I shrugged.

"That's ridiculous," she sniffed.

I smiled to myself, knowing she was falling for it hook, line and sinker.

"You should ask him out," I said, nonchalantly.

"What?" she cried, "there's not a chance in hell."

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because he's arrogant!"

"So are you!" I countered.

"He's annoying!"

"And again…"

"Antagonistic…"

"Like I said…"

"Alluring…"

"And I… what?"

"Attractive…"

"But you just sai…"

"Amazing, incredible…"

i looked over at her, and she was gazingly lovingly off into the distance…

"…beautiful, sexy, smart…"

I abandoned my work and moved towards her worriedly, waving a hand in front of her face when I reached her.

No response.

I looked down at the cauldron she was cleaning and gave it a tentative sniff.

I could smell fresh laundry, the wax Oliver uses on his broomsticks and his aftershave.

"Oh…" I said, and my face broke out into a grin as I looked at Beth.

"Do you really think he's in love with me Snow?" she cried, looking at me suddenly with an absurdly hopeful look in her eyes.

"Of course I do Beth!" I smiled, "tell you what, how about we go and see him? You can tell him how you feel?"

She nodded manically and climbed off her seat, marching off towards the door.

I stood there for a second and deliberated.

I knew what I was planning to do - take her to the hospital wing.

But…

I _could_ take her to Charlie…

It would be _so_ funny…

She probably wouldn't talk to me for _at least_ a week…

She may not talk to me _ever_ again…

But…

It _could_ be worth it…

And so, _so_ funny…

If I just…

Just for second…

I…

No.

No I can't, I eventually resolved, rushing to catch up with her and taking her by the arm.

"Hey Beth," I said, "I heard Madam Pomfrey has this amazing tonic that makes your skin really clear and you hair all nice and shiny, shall we swing by the hospital wing and pick some up so you can look your best for Charlie?" I asked innocently.

"Yes." Beth said immediately, turning on her heel, now marching toward the hospital wing.

Ha. Nothing trumps the powerful effects of Amortentia better than pleading to the vanity of Bethany Twycross...

I decided to let her make her own confident way up to the Hospital wing, following a few steps behind her with my hands in my pockets, an occasional wave or thumbs up to any passers-by who decided to stop and stare – when suddenly I heard two familiar voices up ahead and froze.

"And so I told Angelina that her was chasing effort in practice today was mediocre, and then all of a sudden she has Fred's bat in her hand, and she's chasing _me_ round the pitch trying to beat me to death, screaming 'How's my effort at chasing _now_ Wood?'…"

"Oh s**t," I breathed, grabbing Beth, pulling her back and shoving her roughly into a nearby broom cupboard, just as Charlie and Wood came round the corner.

"Hey," Wood said as he spotted me, grinning goofily and greeting me with a kiss.

"Hey," I said, trying not to let him pull me away from the door as I tried to keep it shut behind me.

"Snow, any movement on what we discussed earlier?" Charlie asked eagerly.

"Uh…" I said, just as some banging started to sound from the either side of the door.

"What's that?" asked Wood, eyebrows furrowing.

"Um…" I said, started to struggle to keep the door closed against the banging.

"_Snow_?" came a muffled shout from behind it.

"Is someone in there?" asked Charlie, highly confused.

"No… no it's uh… um…" I said, now physically moving with the vicious banging from the other side of the door.

"_I know what this is Snow. You're just jealous! You're trying to keep me away from him so you can have him all to yourself! Well I won't let that happen! I'll kill you first!_" screamed Bethany.

"Is that _Bethany_?" asked Charlie.

"Maybe," I said pathetically, now trying not to laugh.

"What the hell's going on Snow? Who do you want all to yourself?" Wood asked anxiously.

"Oh no! She didn't mean…" I said, putting my hands up in front of me and moving away from the door...

meaning Bethany was now able to burst out of it.

"Charlie!" she yelled, her eyes manic and smile wide. She looked genuinely insane, "you came for me! I knew you would!" she said, throwing her arms around him as he stood there looking bewildered.

"Seriously, what the hell is going on?" he asked me desperately as Beth began nuzzling and licking his neck, then rubbing the sides of her face against his cheek.

I was laughing pretty hard by now, and said, "It's Amortentia!"

"Not exactly what I had in mind when I asked for your help…" he said trying to fend Beth off whilst half enjoying it.

"No I didn't do… just help me get her to the hospital wing!" I laughed, holding onto Wood for support as Beth began trying to unbutton Charlie's shirt with her teeth.

We each tried ineffectually to drag Beth away, and eventually it wasn't until Charlie whispered something inaudible into her ear that she consented to allow him to take her by the hand and lead her away to the hospital wing.

"I don't even want to know," I said to him as he grinned at me cheekily.

In the end Professor Snape had to be called in to handle Beth's antidote, as it turns out that Amortentia becomes more potent as it ages, and though Beth only inhaled the fumes, it was from a batch brewed almost three months ago.

By the time Snape arrived, Beth was chasing Charlie round the wing with a metal bed pan, screaming at him and trying to bludgeon him to death because apparently he was having an affair with Madam Pomfrey.

"Sympathise with you on that Angelina thing earlier now mate," panted Charlie to Wood as he tried to catch his breath, Beth now having been restrained and being administered the antidote.

Snape eventually swept towards us and told us to go home, telling us that Beth would have to spend the night here to sleep off the effects, and that apparently I should return as early as possible as thanks to the potency of the potion she would be left disorientated and wouldn't remember what had happened.

"Well," said Charlie on the way back to Gryffindor tower, "on the bright side, looks like she has the hots for me," he smiled brightly.

"Yeah, too bad she thinks you're an arrogant git," I said honestly.

"And that's a bad thing, right?" he said, and Wood and I laughed.

"I'll ask her out tomorrow," he said happily.

"I wouldn't," I said.

"Why?" he asked, confused.

"Because I _know_ Beth, she's too stubborn. You rile her up, and she wouldn't want to give you the satisfaction of letting you know that she's into you. Like I said, she's thinks you're arrogant."

"What should I do then? Stop pissing her off? Because I'm not sure I can do that… it's too much fun…" he said.

"Yeah I know what you mean," I smiled, "just leave it with me, I'll try and figure it out."

"Cheers Snow," he said, racing up the stairs to the boys dormitories, leaving Wood and I alone in the common room.

"So anyway, in Quidditch practice today," he said, moving to the sofa by the fire and flinging himself down, "I say to Angelina, in the nicest way possible…"

I sighed, stood in front of him, and lifted up my shirt.

"Out of interest Wood," I said, "what do you see?"

He sat there, wide-eyed and gulping as he stared at my bra and said, "…b-boobs?"

"Good," I said, pulling my shirt back down, "just checking," and I ruffled his hair as I passed him on my way to bed.

Beth was awake by the time I arrived the next day, looking highly confused.

"Snow, why the hell am I in the hospital wing?"

"Well…"

And for about a week afterwards I had her fully convinced that she'd caught Sirius Black attempting to get into the Chamber of Secrets, fought him off, survived, and that the Ministry wanted to keep it quiet because of the bad publicity it would cause, Black having got into Hogwarts a second time, so couldn't mention it to anyone.

She didn't talk to me for two weeks after she found out what really happened.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: The hands things? Yeah, me and 'Beth' went bowling once, she goes over to the balls, stops, looks at her hands and says in massive confusion, "I just suddenly had the huge urge to check that I still had hands..." And then I died for about ten minutes.<strong>


	11. Chapter 11: Hogsmeade

**Hogsmeade Visit**

* * *

><p>The morning of the next Hogsmeade visit met with a falling of fresh snow, so everyone assembled in their warmest clothes for breakfast, pouring out copious amounts of hot chocolate, hot porridge and anything else they could do to brace themselves for the cold.<p>

I smiled as Wood joined me, the two of us planning on ditching everyone else as soon as possible…

But just as we had all began to get ourselves together to leave, we got up to find that Dora was standing right behind us, looking off into the distance, her brow furrowed with concentration.

We left it a full minute to see if she would say anything.

I looked at the others, and we slowly turned back our backs to Dora and huddled round, then burst into a furious game of rock paper scissors. The loser would have to snap Dora from her reverie and unlock the crazy.

Peri lost.

Giving a huge sigh, she turned round and said kindly - "What's going on Dora?"

Dora jumped slightly, looking over at Peri as if only just realising where she was.

"I think I've realised something…" she said, moving towards the table and slowly lowering herself down onto the bench.

Peri looked at us for help, but we shook our heads and motioned at her to continue.

"What is it you've realised…?" she asked nervously, already visibly cringing as she waited for the answer.

"I think…" began Dora, and then suddenly she looked very sure of herself, drawing herself up to full height and announcing proudly, "I think I'm the Heir of Hufflepuff."

The only response I could muster was to let my head flop down onto the table, my forehead connecting with a satisfying thud.

I heard a second thud next to me as Bethany followed suit.

"What's up with those guys?" I heard Dora ask.

"They're just… tired… Dora, why do you think you're the Heir of Hufflepuff?

She opened her mouth a few times, obviously concentrating furiously on how to phrase her words and convey this revelation in a way that we would take her seriously - "Well, I know this is going to sound weird, but… I think I can talk to badgers," she finished.

At this, I burst into laughter, my whole body shaking against the table.

I could hear escaping's of sniggers from Bethany beside me, and a loud silence from Peri.

I knew she would have her eyes closed in deep concentration as she tried not to laugh.

The silence grew longer.

The silence grew louder.

I heard a few escaping of air as she tried to contain herself...

"So you're a… _Pufflemouth_?" she finally squeaked, then dissolved into hysterics.

I looked up at her and could no longer contain myself, my stomach aching with laughter.

Dora looked at us each in confusion, from one to the other, "It's true!" she cried, which only caused us to laugh harder.

"They find me!" she shouted,

I felt like my rib was cracking...

"Whisper things!"

Bethany fell backwards off the bench.

"No seriously you guys! Over the summer, when I was picnicking with mother…" she began.

"Dora…" I gasped, "badgers are nocturnal… how often do you picnic with your mother at night…?"

"Well… never…"

"And, do I have to remind you," I sucked in more air between hysterics, "that not three weeks ago you thought the Hufflepuff animal… was a _panda?"_

She blushed a furious shade of red, opened her mouth to try and argue a few times until eventually she burst out "I hate you guys!" and stormed off.

None of us were able to chase after her.

"What's so funny?" Charlie asked Wood as he sat down, shooting a grin at Beth whose face quickly slipped into an angry grimace. She then started stabbing her breakfast with vigour.

"Dora thinks she's the Heir of Hufflepuff. Apparently she can speak to badgers," I told him, wiping the tears away.

"Of course she can," he said in amusement.

"Oh my _god_ you are so annoying!" cried Bethany suddenly at Charlie, throwing her cutlery down.

"What? I haven't even done anything!" he laughed, throwing his hands up in defence.

"It's just you, you're the most irritating… arrogant… idiotic…" she rambled.

Charlie then began mimicking each word she said in a high pitched, irritating voice.

"What are you _five?" _she gave up angrily.

"Only if you want me to be baby," he grinned.

"_What…?"_ she demanded, confused.

"Well I thought you'd liked 'em young, that Malfoy kid…" he began.

"Oh my _god_ how do you know about that?" she yelled, spinning round to give me a deadly look.

I simply shrugged and returned to my meal, catching Wood's eye and sniggering.

"If you tell anyone about that Quigley I'm going to ram this knife down your throat and use your intestines as _Christmas decorations_," she hissed, brandishing the knife in her hand feverishly.

"Okay, okay Twycross," he said, holding out his hands in forgiveness, looking genuinely scared, "I promise I won't tell anyone about your child trafficking…"

"_I'm not a child trafficker_!" she yelled, standing up and causing half the table to look at her.

At this she then screamed in fury, threw herself back down and resumed the furious stabbing of her food.

I finished my breakfast, and with a wink to Charlie, looked at Wood and gestured my head towards the door, signalling that we should leave.

We both stood and began walking toward the door, but as soon as I got past Bethany, I paused thoughtfully, and then starting miming energetically, as if I were trying to push something large between Charlie and Beth.

They looked at me in confusion, and Wood eventually asked, "Snow… what are you doing?"

I stopped, wiped my brow as if this entire production had caused me to expend a large amount of energy, and simply said, "Oh, I'm just trying to cut the sexual tension."

Charlie and Bethany draws dropped.

After a few attempts at speaking, Beth finally opted for standing up furiously, throwing down her napkin, and storming out of the Great Hall.

Charlie retained his mock surprise throughout this, but as soon as she was out of sight, sniggered loudly, holding up his hand for a high five.

I slapped my hand against it gleefully, as he said, "Man, I love fighting with her."

"You're a strange boy," I told him very seriously.

"Maybe," he said, eyes twinkling as he rubbed his hands together, then jumped to his feet, "I'll meet you in the Three Broomsticks Ol," he said as he rushed off, then added with a backwards yell, "_your girlfriends awesome!_" and disappeared.

I grinned widely at Wood and said, "Hear that, I'm awesome."

"Yes you are," he said, as though contenting a child, and stretched his arm out for me to slip under as we headed out of the Great Hall.

"So," said Wood awkwardly as we arrived in Hogsmeade, "do you… want to go to… Madam Puddifoot's… or something?"

I grimaced at him, "I'd rather feed myself to a pit of Fire crabs to be honest."

He face broke in relief, "Thank god – that place creeps me out more than the Shrieking Shack."

"Let's go there then," I grinned and we started headed for the dilapidated ruins.

"Do you really think this place is haunted?" Wood said, a hint of fear in his voice.

"Probably," I replied.

He looked at me wide eyed and back at the house.

"But what does it matter? We literally walk by ghosts on a daily basis at school, why's everyone so freaked out there'd be some here?" I concluded.

"That's a fair point," he replied. Before he was hit in the face with a snow ball that is.

It came out of nowhere and smashed across the side of his face, and a second one flew by narrowly missing me, as I had moved immediately after Wood's hit.

I looked down at the enchanted snowball, still retaining its magical shape where it had landed.

"Is that a… _penis_…?" I said, then ducked quickly as another came flying at my face.

Okay that one definitely was.

"Beth! Stop throwing frozen dicks at us!" I screamed, drawing out my wand and facing the entourage of flying phallic projectiles. I whipped my wand around my head and an invisible heat barrier generated a metre around Wood and I, and the snowballs…

"Oh I get it! Snow _balls_… funny…" I gave them.

…melted slowly as they met with the shield, falling as sludge around us and losing their momentum.

I then grabbed Wood and high tailed it for the nearest cover, a small bank of snow we could hide behind. We dived behind it and started generating snowballs – of the ordinary kind, no games in our war – and stockpiling them by either side of us. I then began reinforcing the snow bank with melting and freezing spells.

"All set?" I said. Wood nodded, snowballs at the ready.

"If you surrender now," called Beth's voice, "no harm will come to you."

"Right back atcha," I cried, creating a small peep hole in the bank.

I could see Beth peering out from behind a tree, and looking over to her left, where Charlie stood.

They must have put their differences aside for the mutual benefit of victory…

I looked up and could see there was a lot of snow collected in the branches above their heads. I wordlessly pointed this out to Wood, held up three fingers, and slowly counted them down…

Immediately after I'd hit one, I jumped up and sent a spell up into the treeline, knocking huge drifts down onto Charlie and Beth, who both stumbled out into view, their arms over their head protecting themselves from the sudden submerge. Wood was already sending snowballs at them, and I quickly joined in, pelting them in the face, stomach and backsides, and causing a few to follow them round, bouncing off their heads over and over again. With so much to defend themselves against, Beth and Charlie didn't have a chance as they battled the snowballs ineffectually.

"Do you surrender?" I cried.

"Yes!" Beth screamed, curling up into a crouch.

I grinned at Wood, holding my hand up for a high five which he did, but kept hold of my hand and used it to pull me towards him.

"Good teamwork," I smiled, Beth and Charlie's screams still in the background as we hadn't called the army off yet.

"Very good," he grinned, and we set off back towards Hogsmeade, only lifting the spells when we were back in the village and safe from retaliation.

We were sat happily thawing out over warm butterbeers with Dora and Peri when Beth and Charlie trudged in miserably, covered in snow and starting to drip.

"_Ha_, you guys suck…" I said as they sat down.

They just grumbled, getting out their wands and starting to dry themselves.

"You guys are _funny_," said Dora suddenly, and I looked up at her, a little bemused at her tone.

She was smiling broadly and staring at us a little blearily.

I cocked my head to the side as I assessed her behaviour, then looked at Peri, sat next to me, and then Seth sat next to her, who were trying to suppress giggles.

I leant casually over to whisper in Peri's ear, "Is she _drunk?_"

Peri nodded, eyes streaming a little, "Seth had managed to smuggle some Firewhiskey only managed to persuade her to have one swig but… this was the effect..."

"You are _so_ funny, that one has decided to knight you the uh… _Knight's_… of the… uh… Giggle… olians," she nodded solemnly, becoming suddenly rather pompous and royal.

"Thanks, Queen Dora?" I laughed.

"Oh _no_," said Seth, "Not Queen, you're talking to the _Heir of Hufflepuff_… peasant," he burst into laughter and shoved his fist into his mouth.

"Oh god…" Beth and I said in unison.

"Yes, _peasant_, one does not address the Heir in such a _wayward manner!_" piped Dora furiously, a little hiccup escaping.

"I do apologise, oh _gracious_ one," I mocked bowed.

"Don't bow to the Hufflepuff Snow, what's she going to do? Set a giant badger on you?" Beth sneered.

"I'll have you know that badgers are vicious creatures! And I'll have you know that the Honey Badger feeds on your petty snakes you… you, you swine!" She drew herself up pompously.

"Oh yes, the _Honey_ Badger, just takes what he wants doesn't he…" Beth scoffed.

"He does!" Dora cried, "He is the most fearless animal on earth!"

"Unlike you, who crawls into luggage racks when dangers around…" Beth countered.

"It was an... evasive maneuver!"

"Yes, which lead to you sobbing over a pumpkin pasty."

"Do not dishonour those who have fallen in battle, you strumpet!"

"Battle? You knocked it onto the floor, how is that a battle?"

"It was a battle for... survival?"

"Oh yeah, well does the Honey badger batter his comrades to the floor in an attempt to save himself?"

"I... well he..."

"And isn't loyalty the number one trait of a Hufflepuff?"

"Well yes but..."

"So wouldn't the _Heir_ of Hufflepuff show outstanding loyalty and stand by his comrades in battle?"

"You… you… just twist my words, you barbarian! I wash my hands of it!" Dora then stood up, spilling drinks everywhere,waving her finger half a centimetre away from Beth's face, "You have the pronounced whiff of a well-aged piece of Roquefort left outside on a balmy summer's eve, the mental wit of a toad that was dropped on its head several times as a youth and the honour of a crocodile beckoning red fish into its mouth with a sly smile. I will not deign to converse with you any more, you utter rapscallion, lowly tapeworm that you are. Good eventide to you, may your squawling never again burn my ears!"** (TS)**

And with that she left us...

...bewildered and highly entertained.

Eventually Peri and Idecided we should probablyfind her, and make sure she got back okay.

"I'll meet you back at the common room?" I said to Wood.

"Can't, Quidditch practice," he said, with tone I couldn't quite place.

It was like an... end of conversation tone, but not in a mean way.

"Okay, I'll wait up," I replied in the same tone, and left before he could reply.

We quickly scoured the village with no sign of Dora, so began heading back towards the castle.

"Oh crap…" I said.

I had spotted her…

Yelling at Professor McGonagall.

"How dare you insinuate that I am intoxicated, you and your muddied mind, you absolute fiend!" Dora slurred.

"Miss Dobbs I assure you if you do not give up this tirade immediately and accompany me back to the castle, the consequences will be dire," McGonagall said, her tone low and quiet. And scary as hell.

I withdrew my wand and sent a jaw-locking spell at Dora, at the same time as Peri sent a Confundus charm.

She stopped and swayed a moment.

"Dora!" I yelled, catching up and steadying her, "we've been looking for you," I avoided McGonagall's eyeline.

"Miss Snow, perhaps you can explain Miss Dobb's state to me?" she demanded.

Knowing there was no helping Dora by telling the truth, I convincingly said, "I don't know Professor, really."

She pursed her lips, "Miss Poliakoff?"

Peri merely shook her head.

"Well, rest assured, you will be receiving a month's worth of detention, and I will be writing home to your mother."

Even through the confusion of Peri's charm, that last threat of McGonagall's didn't stop the look of pure terror appearing in Dora's eyes.

McGonagall was writing home to her mother.

This meant one thing to Dora.

One thing only...

This meant a Howler.

**Three days later...  
><strong>

_**"**Nymphadora Porpentina Dobbs! Drinking? Is this the daughter I've raised? I'll bet you've been smoking too, haven't you! Worse! Smoking the, what do they call it... the woopy boopy... the whippy... no! The Wacky Baccy! For shame young lady! For shame! Well let me put your mind at ease! When you come home for Christmas you shall be sorely punished! I don't know in what way yet... I'm not very good at this... or used to it... maybe that's why you've become such a rebellious harlot... ah, I know... NO Pumpkin Pasties for you!..."_

Having been hyperventilating the entire Howler so far, Dora fainted at this revelation and didn't catch the rest._  
><em>

_"...I will be enlisting the help of the neighbours in your rehabilitation... Oh how did I not notice my daughter has become a drug addicted alcoholic...? You were so normal over the summer... we knitted all those wonderful little jumpers for the Gnome family, the Crumplebottoms... not that they were very grateful of course... I'll bet it was that wayward Bethany and Imogen's influence wasn't it!..."  
><em>

Beth and I shared outraged looks, snapping out of our hysterics._  
><em>

_"...well, perhaps I should write to their parents too, inform them that they are likely facing the same problems with their young girls... perhaps the Poliakoff's too... though to think of that lovely little Peri involved in this too... you'd never have thought... though I'd never thought of my Dora involved... Imogen! Bethany! Peri! If you are there which I'm sure you are, you ought to be ashamed of yourselves! Getting my poor innocent Dora addicted to drugs!..."  
><em>

By this point the entire faculty at the top table were looking over rather alarmed as they couldn't help but overhear, and I shrugged my shoulders and held my hands up widely with a 'I don't know what the nutter's talking about face' at Dumbledore. He dipped his head slightly with a smile to signify he didn't believe any of it._  
><em>

_"...I shall be writing to all of your parents immediately! And Nymphadora. You. Just. Wait. You just wait young lady until you get home, it'll be just bread and water for you this Christmas! No turkey! No stuffing! No world class Dobb's roast potatoes! Bread I tell you! Bread!"  
><em>

Dora having just come round, immediately fainted again._  
><em>

And the Howler, finally finished, blew a raspberry at the direction of the crumpled heap that was Dora Dobbs, ripped itself up, and burst into flames.

Silence.

"Well... looks like Ms Dobbs is going to write to our parents and inform them that we're drug addicted alcoholics," I said disbelievingly, then I raised my goblet of orange juice and smiled sarcastically, "Merry Christmas guys."

Beth flopped her head down onto the table painfully.

Peri looked like she was going to throw up.

Dora was still unconscious.

Eff my life.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: HEY! I would just like to thank our little band of fans that is starting to form, and for your reviews! I was worried this whole thing would only be funny for us and full of "in" jokes, but turns out my comedy is universal! Hear that guys? I'm FUNNY. If you haven't been already, I recommend you check out the reviews as the real life 'Peri', 'Dora' and 'Beth' have been occasionally reviewing as their characters, definitely worth a read! <strong>

**Oh yeah, and that (TS) in this chapter? Yeah that is word for word a rant 'Dora' once commented on facebook. She'd been stockpiling pictures of picnics off the internet (as you do) and some of these included children, so of course we started joking that she was looking at child porn, and eventually our bullying got her to a 'Dora' boiling point, and that's the rant that came out! Classic.  
><strong>


	12. Chapter 12: Christmas

**Christmas**

* * *

><p>I'm bored.<p>

Home is boring.

My brothers and sister hadn't arrived for Christmas yet, and my parents, unsure of whether I was a drug addict had a) forbidden me to leave the house, b) confiscated my Barn Owl, Finwick, and c) forbidden me to drink alcohol or take drugs. (Go figure)

Not that the third punishment was intrinsically related to my ability to have fun.

It wouldn't hurt though…

The gutting thing was that we were supposed to have stayed at the castle this Christmas, seeing as it was our last year, but all our parents had mutually decided that it obviously wasn't a good idea.

I rolled over onto my front, burying my head into my pillow feeling grateful that my parents were out, when a gentle tapping began to sound on my window.

An owl.

My heart leapt and my stomach dropped slightly as I launched myself across the room to retrieve the letter, clamped in the bird's mouth, hoping for something from Wood…

But it wasn't a letter.

It was a torn scrap of paper with "S.O.S" scribbled on it.

And from the style of the almost illegible scrawl, it was from Dora.

I stared at the scrap for a while, and actually scratched my head in thought, before I raced to the nearest phone and called Peri, praying she would be the one to answer…

"Hello?" It was a male voice. Her Dad.

Crap.

"Hello Mr. Poliakoff, may I please speak to Peri?"

"Who's speaking?" he asked, a tad suspiciously.

"Elodie sir, Elodie Bennett?"

"Ah yes Elodie!" he said, his tone becoming pleasant, "I'll just fetch her for you now, one moment!"

"Thank you sir," I said, grateful he was so gullible.

"Hello?" came Peri's voice.

"Yo, yo," I replied.

"Oh hey Sn… a…. o… eaker…?" she fumbled.

"Sneaker?" I scorned.

"How's it hanging Sneaks…" she tried to continue.

"Is he buying it?" I asked.

"I'm not too sure," she replied.

"Well, I'll make it quick. Have you heard anything from Dora?"

"_No_ Elle, I don't know if you left anything in the common room…"

"Well, an owl just showed up with a torn piece of paper with S.O.S written on. Well… scrawled on... which is why I think it's from Dora."

"Oh… that's worrying…"

"Yeah, but I don't really know what to do about it. My parents have me under house arrest, I'm guessing you're the same?"

"Yep."

"Okay… so… meet you outside Dora's let's say… 0200 hours?"

"Yep, see you back at Hogwarts!"

"See you later," and I put the phone down, just in time for the noise of a car arriving home to send me scurrying back upstairs.

Luckily for me my parents shared a bottle of wine over dinner, and were out like lights by half ten and tucked up in bed. I followed suit, bidding them good night and set my alarm for one in the morning.

Ten minutes after it went off, I was throwing stones at Beth's window.

"This _better be_ good Snow, or I'm going to hex you into _oblivion_," came a sharp voice after the window had flown open.

"Come on, we're going on a rescue mission. You've got half an hour to get ready, no more," and I settled myself down to wait.

"Half an hour? Are you kidding me! You can't do _this_…" she gestured to herself, "…in half an hour."

"Now it's only twenty-nine minutes," I said, closing my eyes.

The window snapped shut angrily.

At 1.56am Beth appeared disgruntled, but by all appearances ready, at my side.

"You're pushing me for time," I said.

"You're pushing me for patience," she growled, "this better be good!"

"Yeah, yeah, grab hold," I said, proffering my arm and apparating us to Dora's.

Peri was already there, sleepily sat on the front door step.

I casually saluted her, then moved to the side of the house and broke into their broomshed, taking Dora's battered Cleansweep out and passing two more out to Beth and Peri.

"Come on then," I said to the other two, and we headed round to the back of the house.

I kicked off from the ground and hovered up to Dora's window.

"Are these _bars_?" I hissed at the others, and they each stretched out a hand to test the stability of the metal rods encasing the window.

Peri started rapping her knuckles softly on the window pane.

"Dora…?" she whispered.

Nothing.

"Dora…?" she whispered louder.

Nothing.

"Dora!" she hissed.

Nothing.

"Lazy son of a…" Beth grumbled, "_Dora!_" she yelled, and I slapped my hand angrily against her mouth.

I heard a startled yell of "_Pasties!_" from inside, and looked through the gloom of the window. Dora was sat straight up in bed, looking around in what I assumed was bewilderment.

"Dora…" I said softly, tapping on the window, "Dora…!"

Dora then, of all things, screamed.

She buried her face in her hands and then yelled, "_Zombies!_"

Flying out of bed, she continued to scream, "Mum! Mum! It's here, the Zombie Apocalypse is here! Action stations! This is not a drill! I repeat, _this is not a drill!_" She scrambled to her wardrobe and began throwing things on.

After a minute of this, she appeared back in her room in what I assumed was an assortment of homemade armour. This consisted of a metal colander on her head, cheese graters on her shoulders, a frying pan hung over her chest, and a baking tray hanging down from that to protect her stomach.

"_Dora you paranoid freak it's us_," I hissed through the window, rapping on it.

She stared at us in shock, which then morphed into horror as she heard rapid footsteps coming up the stairs.

We quickly flew out of sight of the window, just in time for Dora's mother to burst into the room.

"Where are they? What's happening Dora?" she cried.

I flew gently closer to the window so that I could see what was happening, without being seen myself.

Dora's mother was sporting the same armour, wielding a Bludger bat with what looked like nails embedded in it. She then raced wild eyed right at the window.

"Scatter!" I hissed, and we flew to the roof.

"Are they out there?" Dora's mother cried.

"Uh… no! Mum… I'm so sorry… I… I think it was another one of my dreams… a really vivid… but… b-b-but now I'm awake I r-realise… false alarm… s-sorry…" Dora squeaked.

"Are you sure?"

"Y-yes… yes… they had… surrounded the house… in my dream… but as you can see… no zombies out there… no _anything_… out there…"

I heard movement against the glass of the window, likely Dora's mother pressing herself against it furiously looking for any trace of the undead outside.

"Yes, well… no sign of anything out there… you must be right," feet shuffled toward the door, "no way I'll get back to sleep now… I'll heat some milk… would you like some hot water, Nymphadora?"

Dora sighed loudly, "No_…_" she moaned, "that's okay, thank you…"

"Yes. Well. Goodnight Nymphadora. Well done on your preparation time, by the way, for the apocalypse… best yet."

"Thanks Mum… Night Mum…"

I heard her shuffle toward the door again. It opened, closed, and the footsteps descended the stairs.

"_Snow…?" _Dora whispered.

We flew back down.

"Yeah, really impressive prep time there Dora, don't want to be lacking your frying pan chest plate when the Inferi attack…" sneered Beth.

"Keep your voice down Beth," I both whispered and laughed, "her Mum's still awake, which, f.y.i Dora, now makes a rescue mission incredibly difficult."

"Sorry," Dora winced.

"Dora, how long have these bars been on your window?" Peri worried.

"They were on when I came home for Christmas. I think Mother's one step away from locking me in and installing a cat flap for giving me food. Oh… food…" Dora's eyes began to roll a little and if I didn't snap my fingers at her, she may have started drooling.

"Okay, well," I began formulating plans, "I can assume by your Mum being a squib that these bars aren't magically attached… so if we attach some rope to the brooms, we might be able to pull them off… but doing it quick enough before your Mum can make it upstairs… hmm… Dora…how opposed would you be to us putting a _brief _Petrificus Totalus on your Mother?"

"Snow you can't do that!" Peri cried.

"Awesome," said Beth.

"Wait," said Dora, "why would you want to pull the bars off?"

Silence.

"…to _rescue you_?" I said, confused.

"I don't need rescuing Snow!" Dora said, equally confused.

"But… you sent me a note… with S.O.S. on…?"

"Yes I know, come on guys, I don't need rescuing, I need _food!" _she cried.

Of course.

"Tell me you brought some…" she sobbed, "anything but bread…"

Peri started to gently giggle.

Beth was furious.

"You woke me up, at _one in the morning_, dragged me _halfway across the country_, to _rescue_ Dora… and all she wants is a _freaking pasty_?" Beth hissed.

"You have pasties?" Dora cried.

"Yeah my bad guys, I should have figured…" I admitted, "Okay, I'll go get some food from my house Dor, and I'll bring some stuff like every other day around this time?"

Dora eyes welled up, "You guys, are the Best. Friends. Ever."

We all smiled.

"And I'll bring you some of our Christmas dinner," Peri whispered.

Dora actually began to weep with joy at this.

"And I… will be going home now," said Beth, "if you're lucky, I will have forgiven you guys for this debacle by the start of term," and with that she flew to the ground, chucked the broomstick away and apparated home.

"Peri… m-maybe you could, maybe bake me some things…? You're so good at it…" Dora mumbled hopefully.

"Of course I can Dora," she beamed back.

"Great! Hang on!" Dora then rushed to her bed, lifted up the mattress and retrieved some kind of scrap book, rushing back to us with it.

"Maybe one of these?" she said, pointing out a cut-out picture of a delicious looking pie, then shuffled through the pages again furiously, "or this?" an oozing chocolate cake. Shuffle, shuffle, "or _this?_" beautifully gourmet tarts. Shuffle, shuffle, "Ooh, or this… _or this one_… or this one…" She was well and truly in a delirious world of her own now, "or _this_ one…"

I exchanged looks with Peri.

"Oh and Peri," she said, "When baking… I like to slip vegetables into cakes when I can, it gives me a strange sense of satisfaction…" **(TS)**

"You must have a field day with Carrot cake then," Peri replied, staring worriedly at Dora's fitful behaviour. ** (TS)**

I reached through the bars and tugged the book out of Dora's hands, flipping through the slightly erratic cuttings and pastings. It was almost equal to finding photos of a guy taken from a distance plastered all over her wall…

"Dora…" I said, "is this like… food _porn_ to you?"

Peri burst into such a fit of laughter at this she almost fell of her broom.

Dora just blushed furiously and stood there opening and closing her mouth, unable to formulate a response.

After a minute of this, I handed the book back and said, "I'll be back in ten minutes with supplies. You try and you know… _calm_ yourself, in the meantime. Maybe take a cold shower?"

Then Peri and I laughed our way to the ground, back to the broomshed, and all the way home.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> **To be honest, nowadays, I think "Beth" is the one with the hard on for food. Well, baking. Since she went to University she now has an addiction to baking. She keeps posting photos of delicious creations on facebook - which is really mean. Because I'm the other side of the country. Cake-less. **


	13. Chapter 13: Back to Hogwarts

**Back to Hogwarts  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Having finally convinced my parents I was drug free, mainly by telling them things about Dora's mother like their Zombie Apocalypse drill, I was finally reunited with Finwick and back on the train to Hogwarts for the start of term. I found the others in a compartment near the middle, said hi, dumped my stuff and went to find Wood.<p>

"_Nice to know your priorities Snow_," Beth called after me.

My mother, who had been monitoring what little mail I received over the holidays, presented me with a poorly wrapped gift and card on Christmas day from Wood. I opened it eagerly as my siblings whooped and cat called around me, and found inside a sky blue hoody with a dark blue double T on the front. It was a Tutshill Tornados jumper, my local and therefore favourite team. I grinned at the sentiment, and though my sports fiend brother Albert was equally impressed, my brother Halwyn readily pointed out that my boyfriend had bought me a_ jumper_ for Christmas. A fair point I decided to ignore.

So unable to communicate to Wood my thanks at the gift, or send him my own, I was anxious to find him, and find him I did.

He and Charlie were in a compartment close to the front, and Charlie looked like he was seriously contemplating jumping out the window. He spotted me through the compartment door, and gestured both wildly and subtly me to run, run for my life. I furrowed my eyebrows at him, and looked over at Wood, who was surrounded by discarded scraps of paper, on which I could see were cast-off Quidditch formations and manoeuvres. Wood was furiously sketching out new ones on a quickly depleting pad, and keeping up a furious tirade of ideas he was supposedly running by Charlie, but was really just talking to himself. I pulled an awkward face at Charlie, mouthed, "one minute" at him, and slowly creeped out of sight and back to our compartment.

"Beth," I said as I dumped myself into my seat, "do me a favour, Charlie and Wood are about seven compartments down, go start an argument with Charlie so that he follows you back here."

"Okay," Beth said, needing no reason to fight with Charlie. Or, I knew full well, would pass up an excuse to see and talk to him.

She returned within two minutes, Charlie in tow.

"Thank you," he said, grasping me in a hug then dropping me back on the seat, "Look… you can see the floor in here… no Quidditch anywhere…" he looked back at me and my Tornados jumper, "remove that. Now," he said sternly.

"Shan't," I replied, crossing my arms.

"Seriously though," he dropped the act and sat down, "I hope you've got some patience, because now Quidditch is in full swing, he's going to be crazy, and not even normal level crazy, I mean this-is-his-last-year-and-last-chance-for-the-Quidditch-cup crazy. He genuinely scares me now."

I grimaced and groaned, "I should probably go face him…"

"Good luck soldier," said Peri, and they all saluted me.

I stood and stared through the compartment window for a while. He did look crazy.

I took a deep breath and opened the door.

"Hey, Crazy McGee," I said, staying by the door.

"Crazy McGee?" he said, acknowledging me with a questioning look.

"Well, the crazy part, is in reference to the fact that I can't reach you, due to the fact that there is no viable floor space on which for me to reach you," I said, picking up the nearest discarded paper and gesturing it to him, "The McGee part… I don't know it just came to me," I shrugged, tossing the paper back down and leaning against the frame, putting my hands in the pocket of my hoody.

Wood looked at the chaos around him for what seemed like the first time, and looked back up at me slightly abashed, "Okay… warranted nickname. Maybe…" he put the sketchbook down and clasped his hands together as if restraining them. But his leg was bouncing up and down a little erratically.

"Thank you for my present," I said, and he seemed to notice I was wearing it.

"Oh good!" he said, looking relieved, "You liked it… I wasn't sure… I haven't uh… bought and uh… you know… before…"

I grinned, "Merry Christmas," I said tossing him a neatly wrapped parcel. He caught it deftly with practiced Keeper reflexes.

His eyes widened as he unwrapped it. It was a signed photo of the England keeper Denison Frisby.

"How did you get this?" he asked, as I tried to pick my way across the compartment.

"My Dad bumped into him at our local. Turns out he's from my hometown," I replied.

"What's the empty space for?" he asked, indicating the fact that I'd put it in a double frame and left the other side empty.

"That's for the picture of the Gryffindor team holding the Quidditch Cup," I said, sitting next to him and grinning.

He smiled back at me, then looked a little sick, "Only if I come up with some decent plays," he cried and picked his pad back up, starting to scribble furiously away, shooting a tirade of ideas at me.

Outside the window I saw Angelina pause to come in and say hi, but I gestured wildly and subtly to her to run, run for her life.

By the time we reached the common room he was pretty wild eyed, and immediately broke off to interrogate Potter about his broom situation.

He came back past us soon after, pale and mumbling, "I'll make her see… I'll make her see… a Firebolt… imagine… surely we couldn't lose…"

A week later at the Slytherin vs. Ravenclaw, he was inexplicably screaming, "Come on Slytherin you slimy b*****ds… _win!_"

Which they did, narrowly, but turns out it meant second place for us if we beat Ravenclaw as well, which improved Wood's spirits greatly, and also increased the number of Gryffindor Quidditch practices to fives times a week.

On one of the now rare chances I caught Wood before practice, he filled me in on the Firebolt situation.

"McGonnagall's got it in her head it'll throw Potter off or something," he moaned.

"Well, as long as he catches the snitch first," I shrugged, smiling.

"That's what I said! But she got all shirty with me…"

"Well, that's probably because I was joking, and you were serious. Now go whip that team into shape," I said encouragingly, slapping him on the backside as he jogged off out the portrait hole.

I sighed as I watched him go, but thought as much as it sucked that Wood was becoming crazed and distant, it at least gave me spare time to be working on the N.E.W.T's…? So I started concentrating on those. But soon as I did, I couldn't help but notice similar crazy Wood behaviour developing in Peri on this side of things.

She was spending inordinate amounts of time in the library behind a veritable fortress of books. You literally had to walk all the way around it to find her sat behind them. Often I found Herbert Sheppley back here also. Seemingly, as smart as they were, they'd only this year finally figured out that they would make good study partners. And her revision notes were now accompanying her to the breakfast table, not unusual behaviour for her but they usually didn't appear 'til about April, let alone January.

And Dora, having finally been reunited with a supply of regular home-cooked food was also going into an equal craze to that of Peri and Wood about it. Whilst Peri was skimming spell books, Dora was pouring over recipe books, and dragging us down to the kitchens to bake.

And then there was Beth and Charlie, who only ever talked about each other. Beth complaining, Charlie pining, and when they were together? They just fought and bickered and sniped and jibed…

_And they were all slowly driving me crazy._

So one morning I went down to breakfast early, in the hope of avoiding everyone, but alas…

"Snow! I've just realised I still haven't mastered Patronuses! Can you help?" cried Peri.

"Snow! I've just found a recipe for little lemon drizzle cakes! Can you help?" cried Dora.

"Snow! I finally decided I'm going to have to actually murder Charlie! Can you help?" cried Beth.

"Snow! I'm not seeing any progress your part on the whole get-Beth-to-like-me thing. Can you help?" whispered Charlie.

"Snow! Potter finally got his Firebolt back! Do you want to come see…"

"Oh my god guys will you all just f*****g leave me alone for five minutes?" I finally snapped and yelled.

"What…?" whispered Peri.

"Snow…" mumbled Dora.

"Woah," said Beth.

"Geez," said Charlie.

"Uh…" said Wood.

"Detention," drawled Snape.

…

Crap.

Snape continued sweeping past and I placed my head on the table, took a deep breath and sighed.

"Peri we'll work on Patronuses this weekend, stop freaking out. Dora, I'm crap at baking, but I will help you eat the cakes. Beth, no. Charlie, it'll take time. Wood, I would freaking love to see a Firebolt right now, but if you at any point talk about Quidditch tactics or the upcoming Ravenclaw game, I will punch you. Same goes to Peri about the N.E.W.T's, Dora about food, Beth about Charlie, and Charlie about you-know-what," I then stood up abruptly, grabbed Wood's hand and added, "sorry for swearing," and then I dragged him off happily to see a real live Firebolt.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Being surrounded by crazy people is hard. True Story.<strong>


	14. Chapter 14: Herbology

**Herbology**

* * *

><p>"Right," said Beth as I joined her at the Slytherin table, "I've narrowed it down to this list."<p>

"Of what," I said, taking the proffered parchment curiously.

"Of suitors," she said, as though I was mentally impaired.

I perused the list with interest, "so what exactly is the criteria here?"

"Rich, hot, taller than me in heels, and single." **(TS)**

"Is that also the order of priority?" I joked.

"Yes," she replied.

I raised my eyebrows at her and looked back at the list, "there's a guy in Hogwarts called Tarquin?" I laughed.

"Yes, he is of _high_ potential."

"Augustus Merryweather? He's been crossed off?"

"Mm," she said through a mouthful of cereal, "Hufflepuff."

"Of course," I replied, "but Cedric Diggory's still on here?"

"His Quidditch skills redeem him."

I nodded in understanding, "I notice Charlie's not on here," I said with a wry smile.

"He's not rich," she replied, bristling.

"You mean his parents aren't rich. But Charlie's tipped to be incredibly successful when he leaves," I said, taking a bite of toast.

She narrowed her eyes at me, then over my shoulder at the Gryffindor table, then back at me.

"…no," she said finally.

"But he fulfils all your criteria," I cried happily.

"I don't care," she said, snatching back the parchment.

"So what exactly is this sudden list in aid of?"

"_Sudden?"_ she cried, "I've been compiling this list for months!"

"Okay," I spluttered, "but why…?"

"Valentine's day," she simply, again seeming to question my mental stability.

"Of course, Valentine's day, why wouldn't you be making a list of suitors for Valentine's day…" I said quite seriously.

"You have a date, so I need a date," she concluded.

"Okay…"

"Anyway, who do you think I should choose. And if you say Charlie, I stab you with my fork."

I opened my mouth in dear temptation, but swallowed it back, "give me the list again."

I perused it a moment.

"Rob Timms…?" I queried.

"Ravenclaw. Parent's deal in Unicorn hair."

"_Tarquin_ Whitby…?" I sniggered.

"Slytherin," she announced proudly, "Old money."

"Eldred Wenlock?"

"Gryffindor, descendant of famous Arithmancer Bridget Wenlock who established the magical properties of the number seven."

"Interesting, Tiberius Zarkoff?"

"Slytherin, his family is highly connected."

"Roger Davies?"

"Ravenclaw, father's a successful investment banker."

"A what?"

"I'm not sure… something to do with muggle money…"

"So is he rich in muggle money, or wizard money?"

"I'm not sure… but rich is rich."

"Of course it is Beth. Caspar Withers…?"

"Slytherin, descendant of Lord Stoddard Withers, the first breeder of winged horses."

"Impressive..." I said, gazing at the list.

"So what do you think? Which one?"

"Well, Beth, have any of them actually asked you out? Or showed any interest in you at all?"

"No," she said firmly, as if this wasn't a problem.

"So what exactly is your plan here? Pick one and then… exert your feminine whiles…?"

"Don't be ridiculous," she cried, "I'm going to slip them a love potion."

My jaw dropped, "Beth, you can't do that!"

"Why not?" she asked, perfectly seriously.

"Well, I'm pretty sure it's illegal for one, and also, you've burnt through seventeen cauldrons in your Hogwarts career. _Seventeen_."

"Insignificant detail."

"Oh yeah, cauldrons, oesophagus', what's the difference ay?"

She merely rolled her eyes at me.

"So what, keep them doped up on the potion until you're married? Then slit their throat on your wedding night? Inherit the money?"

"No... but that's a _bloody_ good idea!" she announced, snatching back the parchment and scribbling furiously.

"Oh for God's sake…" I sighed.

"Right," she mumbled to herself, "I think it's going to have to be a Slytherin…"

"Oh please not Tarquin…" I pleaded.

"Okay, I think I'll go for Tiberius then."

"So which one is he?" I asked, craning my neck round to look down the table.

Beth glanced round nonchalantly, then turned back to me.

"The good-looking blonde near the middle of the table. Has slightly angry looking eyebrows and an aura of self-importance?"

"Well that doesn't rule out many when it comes to Slytherins…"

"I have an aura of self-importance?"

"Yes, and a smug nose."** (TS)**

Peri slipped into the seat next to me, and picked up the parchment, "What's this?"

"Beth's hit list," I said, just as Dora joined us, looking slightly alarmed.

"What is it really," Peri pushed.

"It's my list of Valentine suitors," Beth announced.

"All of these people have asked you to Valentines?" Peri asked incredulously, looking back at the list.

"Er…" Beth began.

"Oh no," I chimed in, "this is the list of hot, tall rich guys Beth's compiled so she can decide which one to date rape."

"I'm not going to date rape them!"

"Well, you have to consummate a marriage for it to be validated so…" I trailed off.

Peri was also now looking quite alarmed as she looked back at the list.

"She's gone for Tiberius," I said, "and was just trying to point him out for me," I craned my neck round again, looking for blondes.

"Oh," said Peri, looking round also, "there he is, the first blonde down the line from Malfoy's left."

I located Beth's victim, and eyed him curiously. He was pretty hot.

I then glanced over at the Gryffindor table, and caught Charlie's eyes, who motioned over to Beth and waved his hands in encouragement.

I cleared my throat, "Beth, you don't need love potion, here, I'll ask if you're nervous," and I stood up and yelled, "_Hey, Tiberius_!"

He looked over at me indignantly.

"_Fancy taking my mate Beth out for Valentine's day_?" I shouted, and Beth looked at me with pure murder in her eyes. It actually made my blood run a little cold.

Tiberius looked over at Bethany, appraised her, and then replied, "I'm sure I could take her off your hands for an evening."

My eyes widened in shock, and I looked back at Beth, whose face matched mine, she then seemed to gather her wits and shot him an alluring smile, which he returned, turned to whisper something to his friends, then stood up, walked over to us and presented his arm to Beth.

"May I escort you to Potions, and we can make some arrangements?"

Beth simply smiled and let out a kind of whimper, took his arm, picked up her bag and mouthed "Oh my god!" to us as she left.

I watched the proceedings with utter horror, then looked over at Charlie who mouthed, "What the f**k?" and waved at me wildly to come over there.

Oops.

"Come on guys," I said, and got up to head over to Gryffindors, and Dora and Peri happily followed not wanting to be left alone with the Slytherins.

"Hey," I said, as I sat happily next to Wood and then peeped cautiously at Charlie.

He didn't look very happy.

"What the _hell_ just happened?" he hissed, darting a look at Peri and Dora to check they weren't listening.

"I may have _unintentionally_… got Beth a date for Valentine's day," I mumbled.

"How?" he demanded.

"Well he wasn't meant to say yes!" I cried.

"Again… a very low opinion of your friend…"

"Well, if it makes you feel better, she's only with him because he's hot, rich and taller than her."

"That doesn't make me feel better."

"Okay, but maybe if I tell you that when I suggested you for Valentine's day, she did consider you for at least thirty seconds before she refused point blank."

"You know just what to say to make a guy feel special," he said sarcastically, "you're a lucky one Ollie."

"Sure am," said Wood, not looking up from his notes on the upcoming match against Ravenclaw.

I assessed this and added, "And I'm a lucky one too," to Charlie, who smirked.

"So, what's our plan for Valentine's Wood? Romantic one on one game of Quidditch, and then an invite to the afternoon team practice?" I joked.

He opened his mouth, closed it, then replied, "No…" and blushed furiously.

"Oh god..." I said, and buried my face in my hands on the table as Charlie laughed hard.

"But you _like _Quidditch!" he cried, and I groaned and then looked up at Charlie, who only laughed harder.

Wood looked helplessly between the two of us, and I heaved myself up and said, "See you in class Casanova."

Charlie quickly caught up with me to walk to Potions

"To be fair, I thought you would have liked the Quidditch match," he said.

I sighed heavily, "I would have, if there was literally anything we did other than Quidditch. Talk about it, think about it, play it. Anything. He even uses breakfast goods to map out plays, have you _seen_ that?"

"He's my best friend, of course I've seen it."

"By this point my perfect Valentine's would literally be a Quidditch free day," I admitted.

We'd reached the dungeon by this point and I looked over to Beth and I's usual desk. But in my seat, sat Tiberius Zarkoff.

They were absorbed in eager conversation, and I stared at her in outrage. She looked up eventually and just gave me a thumbs up before turning back to Tiberius.

"Son of a banshee," I muttered, and turned to look at Charlie, who had a dead look in his eyes, "Sorry buddy," I added, and moved off to find an empty seat.

I walked past Beth's Slytherin cronies, Felicia Calchas and Celestina Nitt, and they gave me dirty sneering looks, subtly mocking my loner status, and I died a little inside. Not really, I just smiled and flipped them the finger before I slid miserably next to seat next to Tiberius' abandoned friend.

"Hey, call me Snow," I said, stretching out my hand pleasantly. He looked at it a little disgusted, but shook it amiably before announcing in a highly pretentious burr, "Tarquin."

I later traipsed miserably out of the dungeons, having royally screwed up my potion under Tarquin's 'helpful', conceited suggestions, and lost five points for Gryffindor for singeing his eyebrows when it exploded.

I spotted Dora waiting in the entrance hall ready for our Herbology lesson, but she looked highly uncomfortable. That's when I saw she was with someone...

"So, Dora…" leered Bernard Leach, "do you have a plan for Valentine's yet…" he waited for her answer eagerly.

"Uh…" Dora began before I rushed in and cried, "Dora! Better get down to Herbology, you know how I hate to be late!" and grabbed her by the arm, steering her off towards the grounds.

"Thank you," she breathed, and shuddered a little.

"So, what _are _your plans for Valentines? You and Seth going for a loving ride on the giant squid?"

She didn't say anything for a second, then replied, "Well, I know you're probably joking, but I actually am spending it with Seth..." **(TS-ish)**

I stopped dead in my tracks, "Are you _serious?"_

She nodded, and blushed feverishly and my face broke into a grin, "Are you together now?"

She nodded again.

"Have you _kissed?"_

She blushed further, and I ran off back towards the castle shouting, "I'll be right back!"

I skidded into the entrance hall and spotted Beth luckily still lingering as she was talking to Tiberius.

"Beth!" I cried and she looked round at me, startled, "Dora and Seth are together!"

"What?" she cried.

"And they've _kissed!"_

"Holy crap," and then looked deep in thought, "you know, I can't imagine Dora being in a romantic relationship."

"Yeah, me neither… maybe with a cat."** (TS)**

"Yeah…"

"Anyway, Herbology!" I cried, "watch her around children," I added to Tiberius as I ran out, then ran into Bernard who was looking miserable, and added, "Sucks to be you buddy…"

Professor Sprout rolled her eyes as I sidled in late, but she'd long given up reprimanding me for it.

"Okay class, today we'll be studying the properties of Gillyweed. If you look down in front off you you'll see you each… Oh my lord Miss Dobbs! Did you just _eat_ some?" she shrieked.

She stared at her, wide-eyed and terrified.

"I… I-I don't know why… it was just there… and I was nervous about having told Snow… and when I get nervous I get hungry… and my hand just… there was nothing I could do… mind of it's own…" she stammered away until something caught her breath.

Her hand sprung to her mouth, then to the sides of her neck as the gills began to develop.

"Oh my god Dora, I leave you alone for two minutes!" I shrieked, rushing over, but I could merely watch, completely stunned into submission at her stupidity.

She began to hop uncomfortably from foot to foot.

That'll be the webbed feet, I thought.

Then she fell to the floor, and began to flop around like a fish...

...and for the life of me, I now couldn't stop laughing.

She looked like a Magikarp from that awesome muggle series Pokemon.

And then as soon as I thought that, all I could then hear was Magikarp's voice in my head as she flopped about… _'Karp.. karp…karp…'_

Sprout by this point at least had sprung into action, demanding everyone move out of the way as she stormed forward. Whirling her wand over her head she conjured a huge ball of water, which she then levitated Dora into.

She fell into like a goldfish into a bowl.

At this I was crying.

"Miss Snow, when you're quite finished, if you could take Miss Dobbs to the hospital wing?" she said sternly.

I nodded weakly and retrieved my wand, muttering the words to control Dora's 'bowl'. She shook her fist at me angrily as I continued to peel with laughter, guiding her out of the greenhouse and toward the castle.

After she returned to normal, she avoided us the rest of the day, but we soon caught up with her and Seth at dinner.

"Hey you guys!" I grinned as we all slid in next to them.

"So, Seth, what's this about you and Dora being an item now?" Beth said, "When did you... _reel_ her in?"

Dora flinched and froze midway through eating.

"Yeah, she's quite a _catch..._" Peri caught on.

Seth started patting Dora's back reassuringly, whilst trying not to laugh.

"But remember, if things go wrong, there are plenty of _fish in the sea_," I said.

"Yeah Dora, _haddock_ you had enough of him yet?" Peri continued.

"I hear he can be mighty _shellfish_," from Beth.

"You should really_ mullet_ over," Peri added.

"_Cod _guys, will you stop _carping _on at them?" I cried.

"But it's fun watching them _flounder_," Beth moaned.

"You're right Snow… could _salmon_ pass me the pumpkin juice?" Peri asked.

"In a _minnow,_" I replied.

"Can you save my _plaice_? I need to _weever_ down and grab some pudding," Beth asked.

"Are you guys finished?" Dora demanded sourly.

"What was that Dora? I'm a little hard of _herring_," I yelled.

"I hate you guys," she replied, storming off as we laughed, Seth hot on her heels.

"Aww, look at those two, really warms the _cockles_ of your heart doesn't it?" Peri continued.

"Do you think they'll watch _prawn_?" Beth sniggered.

"They're not even here any more, why are you guys still going?" Wood asked, bemused.

"Oh you know, just for the _halibut_," I finished.

"Yeah, _kipper_ lid on it Wood, we're having a _whale_ of a time!" Beth grinned.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Fish jokes, who knew right?<strong>

**Oh and the finding out about "Dora" and "Seth" section is loosely based on real life words! They started spending lots of time together and we joked about it ceaslessly. And then all of a sudden one day, "Beth" got a text back after a joke she had sent to "Dora" saying that though she knew we were probably joking, that they were together**** now ****! What she didn't know was that at the time we were all at the library revising... and "Seth" was there too! So we immediately started bombarding him for information, bullying him, etc, and telling everyone ****we knew ****by text or call that they were now together. This part worked out hilariously later, as my then boyfriend came to visit me and greeted us by, "Hey guys _*turns to Seth*_ lover boy." **

**Hi-larious.  
><strong>

**As I write this, by the way, I'm currently on the phone to "Beth". She's just called me because whilst she was walking to the station an old man slowed down his car to say, "You're pretty," then sped off again. She's properly freaked out, and later on she said loads of people on the bus were staring at her. My words? "Man, you must look _smoking_ today!" Either that or she's tucked the back of her top into her pants or something.  
><strong>

**She also told me that her friend coincidently came across this fanfiction and sent her a link saying, "This fanfiction sounds _just like_ you and your friends..." So funny! When "Beth" told her it was us she was like, "That makes a lot of sense." She had been wondering whether people had been following us. Glad to hear you like the story though "Beth's friend"!  
><strong>


	15. Chapter 15: Valentine's Day

**Valentine's Day**

* * *

><p>The morning of Valentine's seemed to come around swifter than I would've liked, and I waited patiently for all my dorm mates to get ready before making my own way downstairs, stalling a little for time. Eventually I hesitantly followed them out the door, and spotted Wood and Charlie lingering by the portrait hole. To my surprise, Serena had followed me over to them, and of all things was quickly swept off by Charlie, who shot me a wink and a smile as he put a hand to the small of her back and escorted her out.<p>

"Making Beth jealous?" I asked Wood.

"Seems to be the new plan," he replied.

We lapsed into an awkward silence.

"So... shall we head down to the Quidditch pitch then?" I asked, perfectly seriously.

"Oh, uh... no, I thought we would go to uh, to Hogsmeade?" he said, a hint of mourning in his voice.

I genuinely smiled at the change of heart in him.

Charlie had obviously put a word in for me, so making a mental note to thank him later I grinned and said, "Well, how about I _quickly _beat you at Quidditch, and _then_ we can go for a drink in the Three Broomsticks?"

He grinned back broadly and said, "Done."

Well.

I felt I put in a valiant effort...

And gave Wood a serious run for his money...

...getting only _three_ goals past him means _nothing._

_Nothing I say!_

Who am I kidding... _at least_ I managed three...

But either way, it turned out to be incredibly fun!

Wood was a really talented keeper, and as I watched him carefully put all the equipment away, it suddenly occurred to me that with all this effort he was putting into Quidditch _at_ Hogwarts, I'd never once heard him talk about Quidditch _after_ Hogwarts...

So pushing into the Three Broomsticks later, I was determined to have a conversation about it.

Before we got distracted.

I weaved through looking for an empty table, immediately spotting Dora and Seth looking _incredibly_ sweet together at the back of the pub. She looked up at me dreamily and I shot her a grinning thumbs up.

She blushed and ignored me.

I was then that I spotted Beth through the crowd, looking stone-faced and slightly irritated...

And Tiberius' was sat beside her, slumped back in his seat drinking deeply from his bottle and looking kind of bored.

I waved at her, pulling a face and gesturing in a 'What's wrong?' kind of way.

She folded her arms and also ignored me.

Then I noticed Charlie, sat on the booth beside them, laughing and flirting loudly with Serena, who was playing with her hair.

Oh...

"'Sup Beth," I said, weaving through the crowd to stand in front of her with my hands in my pockets. Wood had moved off to get us drinks.

"Nothing," she jumped, "_Ty_ and I are having a wonderful time," she spoke overly loudly, and put a hand on his knee.

This broke him out of his reverie somewhat, and he sat up a little straighter, and more happily.

"Yes," she continued, looking oddly sweetly at him, "_Ty_ took me to Madam Puddifoot's for brunch, and has been telling me all about his family's recent dinner with the _Minister of Magic_," she widened her eyes at me.

I glanced over at Charlie who was looking slightly annoyed.

He bent forward and whispered something to Serena, who then laughed incredibly loud and heartily. I narrowed my eyes at him now, slightly suspicious as to how he and Serena had come about this date...

Charlie looked at me shiftily and grinned.

"Oh, _brunch_," I said loudly at him, turning back to Beth, "how… _quaint_, and the Minister... impressive," I nodded.

"Yes," Beth kind of shouted, "it's been lovely, couldn't imagine spending the day with _anyone else_."

Tiberius looked at Beth confused and kind of uncomfortable, and another hearty laugh rang out from Serena, along with a giggling, "Charlie! Stop it!"

Beth looked furious.

I cleared my throat awkwardly, and seeing Wood returning through the crowd said, "Well... see ya!" grabbed his arm, steered him towards the nearest table and we sat back to watch the show.

Whilst the steadily increasing game of dating chicken continued in front of us, Wood and I settled into easy conversation, and to my incredible surprise, he was avoiding Quidditch altogether.

I glanced over at Charlie, to give him a nod of gratitude about this, but saw he was looking highly distracted...

"These two are crazy," Wood then said in frustration, "why won't they just tell each other they like each other already?"

"What, like we did?" I mused.

He shifted uncomfortably, "Well..."

And then I was distracted by the sudden soft, unmistakable noise of kissing.

"No way," Wood said as we clocked Charlie and Serena making out enthusiastically.

Beth looked wide-eyed and venomous.

_"Oh and Quigley's gone in for the kill," _I started commentated to Wood, "_Twycross is left winded on the sidelines, can she make a comeback or is this it for Slytherin?"_

Wood started laughing.

Then Beth grabbed Tiberius by the shirt front and pounced him.

_"And she's gone for it! It's Slytherin versus Gryffindor, both teams playing hard for win! Though Quigley's yet to notice this turns of events and..."_

_"_Oh _Ty_..." Beth moaned obviously...

"_There it is! T__he distractions worked! Quigley fumbles the play and Twycross is racking up the points... he better get his head back in the game or... oh! Atherton takes control! Atherton takes control! It's Atherton and Quigley, Twycross and... _what's that kid's name again...?"

"Zarkoff," Wood got out through his laughter.

"That's the badger..._ Twycross and Zarkoff! Oh and looks like Zarkoff's raising the stakes! A sly hand to the thigh to spice things up?" _I cried quietly, "_Ooooh and it's been rejected!" _Beth began to slowly slide back down the hand that had been slowly sliding up it.

Wood and I were absolutely creasing at this point, enough so that Charlie looked over at us in irritation.

He then obviously couldn't help but glance over at Beth.

...just as she was rejecting another of _Ty'_s moves.

And this time it was a hand sliding rather forwardly up from the waist to the chest...

"_Hey!"_ Charlie cried angrily, jumping to his feet and shoving Tiberius' shoulder.

He looked up at him furiously, wiping his lips briefly and asking, "What's your problem?"

"You are mate," said Charlie angrily, just as Beth said, "What the _hell_ are you doing?"

Though she looked a tad relieved.

"He was taking advantage!" Charlie yelled defensively.

"So what if I was," Tiberius yelled, getting to his feet, "what business is it of yours?"

Even I stood angrily up at this comment, but before I could step in Charlie continued with an "Oh, did I not mention? I'm the slimy git police, and this is an arrest."

Then he pulled back his fist and sunk it into Tiberius' perfectly sculpted nose.

It was chaos after that.

Wood launched himself at Charlie, pulling him back and trying to restrain him.

I on the other hand launched myself across and took out Beth, who was about to launch herself at Charlie.

We fell onto the seat and I landed partially on Tiberius, who groaned in further pain and I mumbled, "Sorry," as I struggled to keep Beth on the seat.

She was trying ferociously to scrabble up and get Charlie, mumbling incoherently through her rage. Key things were "How dare", "nose", "that tramp" and various other colourful words.

I managed to wrap my arms firmly round her waist and started shouted "Beth… stop!" but she simply tried even harder to get over to Charlie.

Likely to rip his face off.

So wrapping my legs round hers, I with great effort reached one arm up over her shoulder, round her neck, held her close to me in a head lock and hissed in her ear, "_stop or I scream about child trafficking_."

She immediately slumped into submission, and after a moment to check she wouldn't try again, I let go and struggled up.

"You take Charlie," I said to Wood who nodded, and wrestled him out.

I turned and helped Tiberius up, who was clutching his nose.

I could see a little blood.

"Come on mate," I said, and held out my hand to help him up, though I would rather of added a black eye.

Beth ranted all the way back.

_"He's such a douche! I mean he broke his nose! That perfect, perfect nose! And now look at it, I mean I can't even look at him! How dare Charlie ruin that level of perfection! Especially after the overly loud kissing session with that slut! I mean who is she? I've never seen them together before… but that's not the point, how dare Charlie… I'm going to make him pay for this! Just wait until I see him again… you just wait!"_

And then she stormed off ahead, leaving her date and I completely forgotten in her wake.

I sighed and turned apologetically to Tiberius, who now looked really pissed off as he cradled his nose.

It was bleeding pretty heavily and looked painful.

"Here," I said, getting my wand out, "I can fix your nose for you, if you want? Or you can go to Madam Pomfrey if you prefer?" I added when he looked slightly alarmed.

"Uh, no, it's okay…" he said, moving his hand away hesitantly.

I aligned myself, held my wand at eye level, then with a sharp wave I spoke, _"Episkey,"_ and with a small crack, Tiberius nose was perfection once more.

He touched it gingerly before mumbling his thanks, and we set off for the castle once more.

"So those two have a thing for each other then?" he asked.

"I'm couldn't even begin to tell what the hell's going on between those two ..."

...

Awkward silence.

"So why did you ask me out for her...?" he asked, confused.

"Oh..." I pulled up short, "uh, it's complicated…?" I tried.

"It's alright," he said suddenly, "I get it," he added, looking ahead.

"You do?" I asked in confusion.

"Yep," he sighed, "You have a thing for me."

I stopped in my tracks in complete bewilderment and shock.

He stopped too and looked back at me sympathetically, "And you have a boyfriend, so, you sent your friend off to make me unavailable. Completely understandable, I mean, look at me," he finished with a gesture toward himself.

I was in complete awe at his utter arrogance!

He continued to walk on, and unable to answer this crazy kid I followed silently.

Just short of the steps, he reached out to touch my arm.

"Just so you know, if you guys ever broke up… _I would_."

Then with one last knowing smile, he went into the castle, and left me with the urge to puke in my mouth a little.

I made my way inside and found Wood lingering inside the entrance hall, hands in pockets.

"That looked... cozy," he said.

I cracked a smile, "were you _jealous_?" I mocked.

"_No…_" he mumbled.

"Aww," I cried, moving towards him and wrapping my arms round him, "Well, let's face it. I'm hot stuff."

"Sure…" he said as we made our way upstairs.

"What do you mean by that?" I demanded, joking.

"Oh, nothing, I didn't mean…" he panicked

But our banter was cut short by screaming voices.

We looked at each other and broke into a run, finding Charlie and Beth yelling at each other, both red in the face a floor up.

"_It's none of your bloody business who I kiss_!" she screamed.

"_Well maybe I want to make it my business you dumb blonde_!" he yelled.

"_You're a dumb blonde!"_

"_I realise that!"_

"_And why would you want to make it your business if you think I'm a dumb blonde?"_

"_Because I don't think that. I think you're amazing, and I love that you speak without thinking and that you're a bit of a bitch and completely freaking crazy, I think you're completely beautiful and I can't stop thinking about you and to be honest, I'm finding this fight slightly arousing!"_

"_Well that's weird and I think you're a twat, and really hot and want to punch that Serena bitch in the face and I don't know why!"_

"_Because you like me too but you won't admit it!"_

"_No I don't!"_

"_Yes you do!"_

"_No I DON'T" _she screamed defiantly, then of all things, she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.

And then it got a little awkward.

"Shall we go," I mouthed at Wood as Beth and Charlie attacked each other, and he nodded, looking ever so slightly frightened.

"Well," I said, grinning widely at today's events, "all in all I'd say a successful Valentine's day!" and picked up Wood's hand in mine, just as another couple up ahead concealed themselves in an alcove for privacy.

For a split second I thought it was Peri, but then I remembered she was studying in the library.

"Could be better though," he grinned, and pulled me into our own alcove.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Seriously man, don't get on Beth's wrong side. She crazy.<br>**


	16. Chapter 16: Gryffindor vs Ravenclaw

**Gryffindor vs. Ravenclaw**

* * *

><p>Since Potter had been given the all clear to use his Firebolt by McGonagall, Wood had launched himself into a frightening level of Quidditch mania. I barely saw him anymore.<p>

It's not that I really minded, really, I understood… this was his last year and all… and let's face it, this is just the person he is but…

…it was my _friends _that were driving me crazy.

For example, I sit down at breakfast and begin piling items onto my plate, and down sits Beth, staring pointedly at the empty space beside me where Wood usually sits, in a disapproving and unimpressed manner.

I ignore her.

Dora comes along, goes to sit in said empty space, then pauses to have some form of internal struggle with herself, looking round furtively to see if Wood will arrive, then like a mourning family member leaves the space empty out of poignant respect.

I scowl at her.

And lastly comes Peri, who gazes sadly at me and my empty space, opens her mouth to obviously ask if I'm okay, closes it, and begins to talk about the weather, her standard topic when she's trying to stop herself prying.

I clench my jaw.

But this isn't one morning.

This is _every_ morning.

This is every _meal_.

This is _all the time_.

Oh and _Charlie_…

Charlie seemed to have taken it upon himself to keep me constantly updated on Wood's whereabouts, each time subtly explaining _exactly_ _why_ Wood was at whatever place doing whatever thing, as if I wouldn't deem it an appropriate excuse…

"_Guys!"_ I suddenly burst out after they had all joined me in this manner one morning, and Charlie had just opened his mouth to speak, "I _get it! _Wood is _busy_ with the Quidditch season, I _know _this, I _know_ where he is, I _know_ why he's there, I miss seeing him but it's not the end of my _freaking world! _Beth, stop being such an internal _bitch_ about it, he has a life outside me and that's _okay!_ Dora, just _sit _in Wood's freaking space already! He's not dead! Peri, if you want to ask me if I'm okay you can, but there's just no need for it - I am _fine. _And Charlie, stop explaining Wood's absences to me! _I know._ Do you guys really think I'm going to what, fall apart if he's not around? Go curl up in a ball in the forest somewhere completely _unable to function_ without him? No, of course I'm not, _who does that?_ So just _chill out_, I'm _fine!_"

I finished, breathing slightly heavily through lack of breath during my rant, and they were all staring at me a little shell-shocked.

"Snow…" Charlie said, slightly scared, "I was just going to ask if you could pass the bacon…"

"Oh…" I squeaked, flushing with embarrassment, "here…"

I then hurriedly busied myself with my own breakfast.

"_What was that about_…" I heard Charlie breath to Beth.

"_Must be the stress of not having Wood glued to her side all the time…"_ she whispered back.

…

Face palm.

But by the time our match against Ravenclaw rolled around, I had to admit, the absence _was_ kind of getting to me…

I woke in the early hours of the morning, unable to sleep, missing him with a dull ache, and suddenly I just couldn't take it anymore. I slipped quietly out of bed, pulled on my Tornadoes hoody and tiptoed out of the dormitory and over to the boys side, quietly letting myself in and creeping over to Wood's bed.

I eased the curtain open and the weak morning light spilled onto his sleeping form.

From the looks of it he'd had quite a fitful night's sleep, the bed covers were all over the place, and so was his hair. I couldn't help but smile at it, and gently stroked it flat, whispering his name until he opened his eyes in partial confusion.

"Hey," I whispered.

"Hey…?"

"Can I come in?"

He furrowed his brow and moved over, lifting the covers up for me to crawl under. I immediately snuggled myself into his side, resting my head on his chest and curling one leg over his. I then sighed in contentment.

"What's wrong?" he managed to whisper, half asleep.

"Nothing," I said, kissing his neck, "go back to sleep."

So he wrapped his arms around me and did just that.

It didn't seem like even five minutes later that soft lips on my forehead were my wake up call to go for breakfast.

But my few snatched hours were enough to turn my mood completely on its head. I pretty much bounced my way down to the pitch with the others.

"What's got you so happy?" Beth asked, eyeing me suspiciously.

"The prospect of a guaranteed win for Gryffindor," I beamed.

"Hey!" Peri cried.

"Suck it up Peri, we've got a Firebolt and you're going down," I cheered.

"No," said Beth, "this isn't just happy Quidditch Snow…" she continued to eye me.

"It probably has something to do with her 3am booty call with Wood this morning," jibed Charlie as he joined us.

"_What?_!" Beth, Peri and Dora all cried together.

I threw Charlie a '_You're going to pay for that_' glare.

Beth was absolutely speechless, Peri immediately started talking about the weather and Dora of all things started to cross herself.

"Oh calm yourselves!" I cried, grabbing Dora's hands mid religious ritual, "nothing happened!"

Peri and Dora both looked absurdly relieved, and Beth looked completely unconvinced.

"Oh _please_, what time did you leave? _Sex_ o'clock?"

"Ha!" Charlie burst out, and high fived his girl.

"We didn't do anything," I pressed.

"Oh sure you didn't do anything… just Ollie," said Charlie.

"Ha!" Beth cried, and high fived her boy.

I sighed and gave up arguing, turning my attention to the match as it kicked off, letting them continue their jibes as they pleased.

"Hey, hey Snow, you know what you need to keep track of all these 3am booty calls? A _Sex_cratary!" Charlie cried from behind me.

The Firebolt was absolutely phenomenal. Potter was darting round the pitch at incredible speeds as though he was gliding through silk, and Chang was just trying her best to keep up. It was a ridiculous tactic she had thought to adopt - tailing Potter. There was no way she would out race him on her old Comet… what exactly was her game?

"Hey, hey Snow, so did you help Wood polish his broom last night?" Beth asked.

Wait, Potter was on the move!

"_Come on Potter_!" I was on my feet screaming…

…but one of the Ravenclaw beaters was already sending a bludger his way.

"Damn it," I said, slumping back down.

I had to assume their tactic was to keep Potter away from the snitch until Ravenclaw had a point lead high enough to render the snitch obsolete.

And that would have been a good plan if we weren't already eighty points to zero.

"Hey Peri," I heard Charlie call, "Gryffindor's scoring on Ravenclaw more times that Wood did on Snow last night!"

"Charlie..." Peri scourned.

But Ravenclaw had just stepped up their game, scoring three goals in quick succession.

I stared over at Wood to see what was going on – he was distracted, watching Potter and the Firebolt's progress with the snitch.

"Wood!" I screamed through cupped hands, "get your head in the game!"

"A running commentary from last night," Beth said to Charlie.

Wood looked over and nodded at me, returning to his usual level of focus.

But Potter was diving again.

"Come on Potter, catch that snitch!" I screamed!

"Wood wants to catch _your _snitch," said Charlie.

But Chang blocked him.

"What? _Knock her off her broom_!" I screamed, just as Wood screamed the same thing.

But it was too late - the glint of gold has disappeared, again.

"For christ's sake!" I said, throwing my arms up in frustration.

But I was on my feet again in no time screaming at Potter to _go, go, go_… until I saw the dementors.

"No way…" I whispered.

Dora, in one fluid motion, dove beneath her seat with a loud squeal.

Peri jumped backwards into the arms of the nearest stranger - a very bewildered looking Herbert.

And Beth cried, "_Awesome_, I wonder if he'll pass out again?" and started to scan the skies for Potter.

But before any of us could really finish our reactions, Potter had sent an enormous sliver white Patronus at the group of black figures.

We all stood in complete awe at the degree of magic we had just witnessed from this little third year…

"That was a fully formed Patronus…" Peri manage to breath, completely mind blown.

"Yeah… that was incredible…" Charlie continued in wonder, "he whipped out his Wand even faster that Wood did last night…"

But before I could punch him in the arm for that last one, we were both punching our fists into the air.

Because Potter had caught the snitch.

The Gryffindors absolutely exploded, storming onto the pitch without a moment's hesitation, pelting their way over to Potter to try get a hand on him (and the Firebolt) but I was already throwing myself into Wood's arms.

"That was amazing!" I cried, "and did you see the Patronus Potter shot out?"

"I know!" Wood grinned, beaming from ear to ear, "fully-formed! Incredible!"

"I can't believe Dementors would come to the game again…"

"Oh, they weren't Dementors," Wood replied, pointing over at them.

I looked over to see Malfoy and a few of his cronies in a crumpled heap, trying to disentangle themselves from their black robes whilst McGonagall fumed over them like a Hungarian Horntail.

"Cheeky little sod…!" I cried.

But the euphoria was too great to maintain any level of anger.

Back in the common room we'd broken out into full blown party mode, generously supplied by the Weasley twins.

"I'm not sure I even want to know how you get hold of this stuff…" I said to Fred in awe.

"It's best you don't," he winked as he continued setting down bottle after bottle of butterbeer.

I grabbed three and made my way back over to Wood and Charlie.

"Have you seen the Granger kid?" I asked, pointing her out.

"Figures," said Charlie as he clocked her reading an enormous book in the corner whilst the celebrations raved around her, "that kid needs to get out more… oh hey Jordan!" and he wandered off into the party leaving me and Wood alone.

"So what was this morning about?" he said, pulling me into his lap.

"I don't know… I might have missed you or something…" I said bashfully.

He frowned, "Have I been gone that much?"

"Yeah…" I said, running my hand through his hair, "It's okay though, I get it."

"Sorry…" he said, but I just smiled and kissed him, dwelling in my mind on how nice it was to wake up next to him this morning.

I caught Charlie's eye across the room and he gave me a suggestive wink and a thumbs up, so I poked my tongue out at him, when a thought occurred to me.

I climbed out of Wood's lap and grabbed his hand to drag him behind me.

"Where are we going?" he asked, bemused.

"To give Beth and Charlie something to talk about," I grinned and headed for the boys dormitories.

* * *

><p>"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"<p>

I shot up in bed at the cry, shocked out of sleep.

"Wha's goin' on…" Wood said blearily, sitting up as much as he could half asleep.

"I don't know," I whispered.

I could hear the other boys stirring in their beds around me, and footsteps pounding down the stairs outside.

Wood was wide awake now, kissing my forehead and whispering, "Stay here," then slipped out of bed, leaving the curtains closed around me.

"_What the hell's happening_?" I heard him ask.

"_Dunno_," replied Charlie's voice, "_let's go check it out_."

I heard the door open, and five sets of feet shuffle out and race down the stairs.

As soon as it had closed behind them I quickly searched for my discarded jeans and hoody on the floor, pulling them on and moving to the door. I creaked it open and seeing the coast was clear, slipped out and subtly joined the crowd in the common room just as McGonagall arrived.

"Now, really, enough's enough!" She slammed the portrait closed behind her, staring around furiously.

Percy moved forward to exchange words with her, but I couldn't hear anything until his youngest brother yelled, _"It wasn't a nightmare! Professor, I woke up, and Sirius Black was standing over me, holding a knife!"_

The whole common room went completely silent.

I caught Wood's eye in the crowd, and he immediately made his way over to my side, picking up my hand in his and drawing his wand as he looked around furtively.

My wand was already out.

Once everything had settle it was clear no one was going back to sleep, so Wood and I found Charlie near the back of the common room, looking tired but wary.

"This is nuts huh?" he said as Wood sat down, I remained on my feet still feeling uneasy.

He then eyed my attire suspiciously, obviously recognising it from last night…

All of a sudden his face broke into a gleeful realisation, then it dropped into one of intense thought, until he finally lapsed into a state of defeated weariness, "I'm too tired to think of clever innuendo _- these two did it_," he said loudly.

"Cheers Charlie," I said, trying to ignore the shocked looks of those within hearing distance, but Wood just squeezed my hand in his, and suddenly I forgot all about them.

* * *

><p><strong>AN:<strong> GUYS. I'M SORRY I HAVEN'T POSTED IN SO LONG! Essays... exams... University... drinking... socialising... it gets in the way. Got a nice block of chapters all ready to post now though, until I reach yet another hole in the plot that I have to fill... but I'm really glad so many are enjoying it, and I'd be really grateful if you share the story around! I'd also like to get some requests from you! When I finish up with the girls at Hogwarts, I'll be writing some bonus chapters that 'Beth', 'Peri' and 'Dora' have requested, stuff like us at the Quidditch World Cup, and during the final battle of Hogwarts. So what would anyone like to read, or even hope to see in their last year still? Or heck, stuff in the past you would like to read about! Just leave your wishes in the reviews and I'll try and grant them. Coz I'm freaking magic like that.


	17. Chapter 17: April Fools

**April Fools**

* * *

><p>"<em>Oh my god Dora don't!"<em> I yelled, and smacked the mouthful of food away from her.

She looked at Beth and I in shock as we breathed heavily beside her, bending down as we recovered from our run.

"What's going on?" Peri asked in confusion.

"The Slytherins," Beth panted, "they messed about with all the other houses food, I just found out…."

Peri and Dora dropped their knives and forks in frightened disgust, "What have they done to it?" Peri cried.

"You don't want to know," I shook my head in revulsion.

"Well…" said Dora desperately, "we can eat at the Slytherin table, right?" she asked Beth.

Beth shook her head gravely, "They'll know I've told you. I'll be ostracized for weeks."

"Well," Dora squeaked, "what about the kitchens? We can get new food from the House Elves?"

I pulled a face, "I'm afraid they've covered that too. They convinced the house elves that Dumbledore doesn't want them to give out any extra food today, as it's a special 'human holiday'…"

Dora's eye began to twitch.

She stared down at the food.

Her hand flinched towards it…

…then away.

She shook her head slightly…

…then she grasped the plate it in both hands as her eyes widened in horror.

"My food hamper?" she squeaked.

"Well, unless you refilled it, you cleaned it out yesterday, remember?" I said gently.

She flung her body around to stare at the Slytherin table, eyes darting back and forth manically, looking for a weak spot in the defences…

Beth and I's façade was beginning to crack a little, and Peri rolled her eyes at us in pained understanding.

And it was at this moment that Seth had decided to come ambling towards us, "Man, I'm stuffed, you ready for Transfiguration Dor?"

Dora jumped up suddenly, standing up on the bench so she could tower over him, "_Why didn't you tell me_?" she hissed manically.

"Tell you what…?" he asked, taken aback.

"_That the Slytherins have messed about with the food? The _food_ Seth_!" she grabbed his front and shook him slightly.

He stared at her, gently released her hands from his front and said, "The Slytherins haven't done anything to the food Dor…"

She froze, and very, very slowly, turned her head to look at us, where we were creasing with supressed laughter.

"You…" she began, then suddenly looked back and the food, and dove for it.

The next second she was literally rubbing bacon on her face mumbling, "Oh bacon… bacon, bacon, _bacon_…"

Even Peri was doubled up with laughter at this.

"Hey," said Wood as he and Charlie joined us.

"Hey," I grinned through my hysterics, kissing him in greeting.

Beth and Charlie's greeting on the other hand was a little less demure.

Most people in the immediate area either had to awkwardly avert their gaze or were unable to look away in pure shock.

In the still less than two months that the two had been dating they had broken up eight times, been sent to Snape and McGonagall six times, Dumbledore twice, Beth had broken Charlie's broomstick, (no innuendo intended) wizard chess board and nose, and Charlie had broken poor Serena's Atherton's heart three times in their game of sexual politics.

But today they were doing incredibly well!

They'd almost look sweet if they used a little less tongue in public.

"I was thinking," I said, furrowing my eyebrows at the pair of them and returning my attention to Wood, "we all have a free this morning, we could have a double's game of Quidditch?" I said, motioning to Beth and Charlie.

"That sounds brilliant!" grinned Wood enthusiastically, and he began wolfing down his breakfast so we could get to the pitch faster.

I smiled at Beth who grinned back, and Charlie looked back and forth between us suspiciously.

Soon we were all strolling onto the pitch, Wood scurrying on ahead to unlock the broom cupboard happily, pulling out school brooms and testing them out before handing each of us the better ones.

Then he grabbed his own.

He swung his leg over it, and then suddenly frowned.

"What's wrong?" I managed seriously.

He didn't say anything. Just jumped up a little as he tried to kick off from the ground, holding the broom underneath him…

But nothing happened.

"What's the matter?" I tried again.

This time he jumped up and down a few times and shook the broom underneath him desperately.

"What's the matter mate?" asked Charlie, genuinely worried, "is something wrong with your broom?" he hurried over to stand next to me as we watched Wood drop to the ground with the broom, and begin to check it over manically.

He looked like he was starting to hyperventilate.

Beth was already laughing so hard she had to go hide round the corner of the broom shed so she wouldn't blow it, and I was looking away as I tried to contain myself.

Wood by this point had shoved his fist into his mouth, I think to prevent himself from crying as he tried to figure out what was wrong.

Charlie then looked at me very suspiciously, then over to the broom shed where Beth had disappeared… you could hear the odd escaping noise of compressed laughter…

He then sighed heavily as realisation dawned and leaned over to whisper:

"You've swapped his broomstick with an _actual_ broom haven't you?"

I nodded, tears streaming down my face.

His face broke briefly, then he contained it artfully.

"Let me have a look at it mate," Charlie said, pushing Wood to the side and kneeling before it, getting out his wand and whispering a few things.

Wood crouched beside him and wrapped his arms round his knees, one hand pressed to his mouth as he watched, rocking himself back and forth with a manic gleam in his eyes.

God I was hot for that boy…

And then, speaking of hot, the end of the broom burst into flames.

And not just a little flames.

Oh no.

_Big _flames.

Like so big Charlie and Wood had to launch themselves back to avoid it.

And that's when Wood started screaming like a little girl.

To be fair, it was kind of understandable why he didn't talk to us the rest of the day. Charlie had made the rookie April Fool's mistake of taking it one step too far. The beauty of a prank is keeping it simple, as Beth and I had discovered after the incident of '87.

Dora's eyebrows haven't been the same since…

"Well Snow," Beth said as we watched Charlie try to apologise to an incredibly angry Wood as he stormed back up to the castle, "probably won't be the first time you fail to see Wood get his broom up."

"Cheers," I said.

"You're welcome," she replied, and that's when we spotted Dora and Seth whispering in the entrance hall and headed over.

"Choosing baby names?" I joked, a line of teasing we had ceaselessly adopted since the moment they had got together.

"How did you find out?" Dora squeaked, then looked horrified and covered her mouth with her hands.

I stopped dead in my tracks at the angry look Seth gave her, and the terror in Dora's eyes.

"_What_?" I asked quietly.

"Nothing, nothing," said Dora quickly, then she scuttled off towards the dungeons.

Seth made to follow her, but I grabbed his arm and demanded, "What's going on?"

He stopped for a moment, then not being able to look at me, sighed and whispered, "Dora's pregnant," and before I could say a word, he was gone.

Beth and I were left reeling.

"This has to be a prank," said Beth.

But I wasn't so sure, "That was pretty good acting for Dora…"

"And they've never even tried to prank us before…"

It was at this point that I saw Peri emerging from the dungeons, pale-faced and red-eyed.

"Peri," I called, rushing over to her, "are you okay?"

"Seth said he told you?" she whispered, looking at me earnestly.

I nodded, watching her warily for any signs that she was kidding.

"I just, I don't know what to do…" she said, her voice catching in a sob, "Dora's beside herself, and I just, what do I say to her?" she finished, burying her face in her hands.

I looked at Beth and we now both realised.

This was no joke.

I placed my hands on Peri's shoulders and just said, "I don't know."

We stood for a long time, speechless, Peri sobbing quietly into my shoulder.

"Should we go down there?" Beth said eventually.

I nodded, and put an arm round Peri to guide her back towards the dungeons.

When we walked round the corner, I was trying desperately to think of something comforting to say, when I stopped dead, because we were greeting with message magically written on the wall in front of us…

'April Fool's!'

Peri burst into laughter, and Seth and Dora jumped triumphantly out of their hiding places, whilst Beth cried, _"No!"_ in outrage.

But I didn't do anything.

I dropped my head, and just said quietly, "that wasn't funny."

"Oh c'mon Snow, don't be such a sore loser," Peri chimed, dancing around in glee.

"Look _you guys don't understand_," I yelled angrily, and they all stopped, "this stuff isn't a joke! This… this has happened to me…" I said, allowing my face and voice to falter with my emotion, and I dropped my head so they wouldn't see me cry…

"Are you serious?" said Beth.

I nodded.

"Oh my god Snow, I'm so sorry," Peri said desperately.

"It's okay," I said, snapping my head back up and perfectly regaining myself, "April Fool's."

Peri, Dora and Seth all groaned, and Beth high fived me as I grinned.

"Don't hate the player guys… hate the game," I said.

"Well, you guys aren't going to get me this year," Peri announced, "until it's one minute past twelve o'clock, I won't believe a thing you say," she sniffed, and marched off to her next class.

"It's okay, we knew you'd do that, _we're not even bothering to try this year_," I called after her.

She merely gave me a disapproving look.

"_Damn_," Beth cried suddenly, "we haven't done anything to Charlie!"

"Oh, it's okay. I have that covered," I grinned.

"What?" Beth demanded.

"You know how he runs his hand through his hair like, fifty times a day?" I asked.

"Yeah?" she said, confused.

"Take this, and follow my lead," I grinned, handing her a bottle of hair gel from my bag.

We found him in the common room.

"Still not talking to you?" I asked.

"No, he's barricaded himself in the dorm room," he sighed.

"He probably just needs some time to calm down, shall we go to lunch and try again later?" I said in faux sympathy.

He nodded distractedly, running a hand through his hair like he does.

I frowned at him.

"What?" he asked worriedly.

"Nothing," I said, shooting an obvious look at Beth who mimicked it, and we both looked away awkwardly.

"No seriously what?" he demanded.

Beth opened her mouth to speak, but I interrupted, "It's nothing, seriously, it's just… your hair…" I eyed it disparagingly.

"What about it?" he asked, both hands jumping up to feel it.

"It's just a bit… _bla_ today…" I said.

"_Bla?"_ he demanded angrily.

"It's okay, hang on, Beth," I said turning to her, "let me borrow some of your hair gel," and I held out my hand impatiently for it.

"Why do you assume I carry hair gel around me?" she said, mock offended.

"Beth… _c'mon,"_ I said.

"Oh fine," and she dove into her bag and rifled through until she found it.

"Thanks," I said. I put a small amount on my fingers, styled Charlie's hair with it then washed my hands immediately.

"There," I said, "much better."

"Can I borrow your mirror Beth?" Charlie asked.

"Now why do you assume…"

"Beth," we both chorused, _"c'mon…"_

As soon as we left the common room, Beth was eyeing him warily, wondering what effect the gel was going to have, and by the time we were sat down for lunch, each time he even vaguely raised his hand as though he was going to touch his hair, we couldn't help but sit up a little straighter.

"Ha," said Peri as she joined us, brandishing her watch, "half past twelve. Anything you do now will make _you_ the fool," she said happily.

"_What the…_" Charlie then said from beside us.

Beth burst into laughter and clapped her hands over her mouth.

Because Charlie now had his hand firmly glued into his hair.

And then just as I had hoped, he used the other hand to try and get it out.

"What the…?" he demanded, desperately trying to rip his hands away from the gunk in his hair, but they weren't going anywhere.

"I wouldn't bother Charlie," I said, looking at my watch, "it won't wear off for at least four hours."

Beth was beside herself with laughter, and Charlie was hurling ceaseless abuse at us.

"Oh Peri, I almost forgot," I said suddenly, "Flitwick said he wanted to see you before the end of lunch!"

She narrowed her eyes at me, "It's past twelve you know," she said.

"Yes, I'm aware of that, and I believe you'll agree that a fun day was had by all," I said, giving a small bow, "well, at least me and Beth had fun," I added.

Dora, Seth, Peri and Charlie all looked at us sullenly, Charlie in particular because his hands were still stuck solidly to his head.

"C'mon, I'll walk with you," I said to Peri, "I need to ask Flitwick about the essay anyway."

I insisted we took the long route there, no shortcuts, and knocking tentatively on the door ten minutes later.

We heard the small squeak of Flitwick's voice from inside and entered.

"Aah, Miss Poliakoff, oh, and Miss Snow, if you could wait outside a moment? I have a serious matter to discuss with Miss Poliakoff," he said, slightly gravely.

I raised my eyebrows and looked at Peri with concern, and she looked back slightly frightened.

"Of course Sir," I said, and left the classroom, but left the door open a crack so I could eavesdrop.

"Take a seat," he said kindly.

I heard the shuffle of feet and then the scrape of a chair.

"Now Miss Poliakoff, your performance in Charms recently has been… slightly lacking," he said delicately.

"What…?" Peri whispered incredulously.

"Yes, and I'm afraid I marked your most recent essay and… well… look for yourself."

I heard a rustle of parchment being handed over.

"A _T_?" she cried in astonishment.

"Yes, I was rather shocked as well," he mumbled, "now this means, I'm afraid, Miss Poliakoff, that you are currently failing my class…"

"F-failing?" she stammered weakly.

"I'm afraid so. And I simply don't understand what's brought this on, you're usually a top grade student…" he trailed off.

"I can't think of _anything,_" Peri assured him, "although," she began, "I… I have been seeing someone… and… it's a bit of a secret… so… maybe it's… distracted me more than I think?" she ended hopelessly.

My mouth was hanging open in shock.

Peri was secretly seeing someone?

"Oh my…" said Flitwick, "well, I suppose that may be it… anyway… I'll be writing to your parents to let them know you're failing of course…"

"My _parents?_" she cried.

"Of course Miss Poliakoff, and then we'll have a discussion at a later date to organise some extra tutelage, and any other ways to retrieve your sterling educational reputation, how does that sound?"

Silence.

"Now should you be off to your next lesson?"

"…Yes Professor… thank you Professor…" she said quietly, and I heard her move off the chair and head towards the door.

"What happened?" I said, acting oblivious.

"I'm… I'm failing Charms…" she said, shaking her head, unable to look up off the floor.

"What?" I cried, "how on earth can you be failing?" I demanded.

Then right at that moment, Professor Flitwick came wandering round the corner, and upon spotting us outside his office said, "Oh, Miss Poliakoff, Miss Snow, how lovely to see you… did you need me for something…?"

Peri stared at him in utter confusion, then her jaw set angrily. She moved back and pushed the door to Flitwick's office back open, to reveal Beth laughing wildly in Flitwick's chair, half-way through her transformation as the effects of the small amount of Polyjuice potion wore off.

Peri looked back at me, pure fury in her eyes, until eventually she exploded, throwing her hands up in the air and screamed, "Every _bloody_ year!" then her face changed, and she stabbed her finger at her watch, brandishing it in my face, "It's 1 o'clock!"

"That's funny," I said, looking at my own watch, "I'm sorry Professor, what time do you make it?"

He patted down his front, and then retrieved a golden pocket watch from his pocket, consulted it, and replied, "It's just struck noon!"

"Yes," I said, a slow grin forming, "that's what I make it too. Your watch must be an hour fast Peri," I concluded.

She stared at me furiously, then said through gritted teeth, "You changed the time on my watch, didn't you?"

"I'm not sure Peri… did we Beth?" I said as she joined me.

"I think we did Snow," she replied gleefully.

Peri looked like she was going to curse us into oblivion, her fists balls, shoulders hunched and shaking slightly, until eventually she managed to hiss, "I hate you both!" then she turned on her heel, and stormed off, screaming, "_every year_!" as she rounded the corner.

"High five for a perfect April Fool's day," I said, holding up my hand to Beth, who slapped it triumphantly with her own before we started heading towards our next lesson.

"We should probably start planning for next year," Beth said.

"Or we can start plotting on how to catch Peri with her secret lover?" I suggested.

"Oh yeah, that sounds much more fun!" she cried happily.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: <strong>Peri man... she's a dark horse!

(And btw 'Beth', we really didn't make the most of April Fools days in college... maybe that because we aren't magic... and that makes me sad...)


	18. Chapter 18: Slytherin vs Hufflepuff

**Slytherin vs. Hufflepuff**

* * *

><p>As we pressed further into April, Wood began to lapse back into his Quidditch mania again.<p>

The brief honeymoon period of calm that the Ravenclaw win had bought me was well and truly over...

...and it was worse this time.

Next up was the Slytherin vs. Hufflepuff game, which was of no real consequence, we just needed to hope for a quick win so that Slytherin didn't rack up too many points…

But Wood was moving into dangerously crazy territory.

Charlie and I watched him worriedly from afar as he furiously mapped out plays, tore them up and threw them on the floor, much like he did on the train ride to school after Christmas.

He didn't turn up for meals any more.

He paired up with Charlie in class to discuss tactics.

He went to bed early, and got up even earlier to practice every morning.

And the last time I tried to sneak into his bed he yelled at me that if I stayed the night he wouldn't get enough sleep and it would offset his entire training schedule.

It was getting too much.

"Beth's coming over here again," whispered Wood to me one morning, the first morning in weeks that he'd deigned to join us for breakfast. I think Charlie had finally said something to him.

I looked over my shoulder to see Beth heading this way, and nodded in greeting, "So she is," and turned back to my breakfast.

"Little funny, don't you think?" he whispered, eyes narrowing.

I looked up at him, furrowed my eyebrows, and whispered back, "…why?"

"Well, it just so happens that we'll be playing Slytherin in the final, and she starts hanging out with us all the time?" he whispers furiously.

I stared at him for a long moment, "Wood…" I narrow my eyes, "she always hangs out with us…"

"Yes, but why does she always sit at the _Gryffindor_ table? _All_ of the time? _With_ the _girlfriend _of the _Gryffindor's Quidditch captain_?" he demanded.

I stared at him, "Are you trying to insinuate that she's only friends with me to get the inside scoop on the Gryffindor team…?" I asked in complete disbelief.

His eye twitched.

I paused, "And we're not forgetting that she's been my friend since first year, and I've only been dating you for like, five months…?"

"Well that's _the thing_ about the Slytherins isn't it?" he said manically, "they're _ambitious_ aren't they? They've probably been planning this since the start… got a mole in _early_…" he trailed off into thought…

I set my cutlery down, "Yes, I'm sure the Slytherins knew back in 1987 that you, the scrawny little first year would one day become captain of the Gryffindor Quidditch team in the final of '93. _And,_ not only did they know that, they also _just so happen _to know that you would end up dating me at the same time! Because they didn't go straight for the kill," I dropped my voice conspiritavley, "Oh no, they're too clever for that, having a Slytherin befriend _you_ was too obvious, no, no, no, they had them befriend _me _in anticipation… I bet they spent all summer auditioning potential girls to befriend me… good god," I finished, taking a long pause in which I looked off into the distance in thought, "they're _evil genius'_…"

"But that's the thing! It's not impossible!" he cried suddenly, "Everyone _knew_ I liked you in first year!"

"You liked me since first year?" I said, softening immediately and smiling.

"Oh, er, no…" he mumbled, coughing and blushing as he starting eating his breakfast with sudden concentration.

Beth had chosen this moment to now slide into the seat next to him.

"You know what, why don't I just ask her?" I said.

He looked at me in alarm and started glugging his drink, eyes darting back and forth between us.

"Beth, are you trying to sabotage the Gryffindor team's chances in the final?" I ask.

"Yes," she replied, not even looking up, "I poisoned all their drinks."

Wood then sprayed the entire mouthful all over the table, and started retching, and grasping desperately at his throat.

"Jesus, Wood she's joking! You're not poisoned!" I yelled, grabbing at his hands.

By this point most of the table were staring at us with interest.

"I have to go," Wood choked, and stumbled off the table, hurrying out of the great hall.

We watched him leave in perplexion, until Bethany took a bite of toast and said, "So, things going well between you two then?"

To which I could give no possible answer.

And the closer we got to the final, the more paranoid and introverted Wood grew.

Eventually, I couldn't ignore that fact that it had become too much, and went to find Wood in the library.

He was surrounded by various Quidditch books, flipping through them manically and occasionally scribbling down a few furious notes.

I stood front of him.

He didn't notice.

"Wood…?" I said.

Further scribbling.

"Oliver?" I tried.

Further flipping.

"_Look out for that quaffle_!" I yelled.

His ducked and cried, "Wha…?" throwing his hands up as if to catch one.

"Oh hey," I said, gaining his attention, "spirit of all previous Quidditch captains since the last time Gryffindor won the house cup, currently possessing the body of my boyfriend… I have a question for you."

"I don't really have time to uh… gotta to uh… to uh…" he looked desperately at his books.

"Oh, it's Quidditch related," I assured him.

He nodded adamantly, giving the go ahead.

"Okay, so, in Quidditch…" I said, sitting down in front of him, "…if I took possession of the Quaffle, and raced down the pitch to our goal side… where you're the keeper," he nodded, "and threw it really, really hard into your face… would you notice I exist?" I finished.

He paused for a moment with thought, then replied, "Well… depending on the velocity in which you threw it and the speed in which you were flying, you might render me unconscious and I…"

"_Oh my god Wood -_ not the point!" I interrupted with a cry, gaining a disapproving look from Madam Pince.

He closed his eyes as if he were in pain, and rubbed the bridge of his nose, "What is the point then…?"

"Dude, the point is you've been ignoring me for weeks! We arrange to meet and you don't show up…"

"When did I not turn up…?" He looked at me in some confusion.

"Just now! You were supposed to meet me after Potions? And go to lunch together? Like we do every week…?" I trailed off hopefully.

He didn't even look like he could remember now.

"That's twelve times. This week," I continued, hoping for some recognition.

But he just simply looked at me for a long while, as if deep in thought, opened his mouth to say something, then seemed to think better of it and closed it again.

"What?" I said, "what were you going to say?" I demanded.

"Could I…" he began, and stopped to struggle with his words, "Could we… maybe… just… just… put it off… until… after the final…?"

I stared at him, dumbstruck.

Finally.

Finally, a question I had been asking myself for months…

If he had to….

If he _had_ to…

…would he choose Quidditch or me?

And I had got my answer.

But I did think about it.

I really did. I thought, maybe it's not _that_ crazy an ask? This is his last chance, but… "No."

His face dropped a little.

"No, I'm sorry, we can't."

"Why?" he asked.

"_Because I shouldn't be second!"_ I cried, flinging my arms up.

Miss Pince shushed me loudly.

"And, if I'm honest," I dropped my voice back down, "if we stayed together for a long time… you'll probably go on to play professionally, and… and this would _always_ happen…"

He didn't deny it.

"So, I'm sorry but… I don't think I can do that," I finished, getting up slowly, not entirely believing what I was doing.

"Wait… what do you mean…?" he said suddenly, looking the most lucid I'd seen him in months.

I brushed my eye before the tear could fall and pushed the nearest book closer to him, "Keep working hard. You guys will win."

And then I left.

* * *

><p>"So how's she doing?" Charlie asked as he sat down on the Gryffindor table.<p>

"Oh you know… coping," said Beth.

I looked up from where I had my head buried miserably in my arms and said, "I'm right here guys."

"Oh, I know," Beth said, patting my head somehow unsympathetically, "but you're in a state of depression, and can't answer for yourself."

Charlie nodded, actually sympathetically.

I narrowed my eyes at them, "I want to knock your heads together like coconuts."

They both cocked their heads at me in confusion, and Beth turned back to Charlie, and whispered, "_It's the depression…_"

"I hate you guys," I said, burying my heads back into the safety of my arms.

"Oh, hey Ollie," said Charlie loudly, and I heard the bench move as he got up and presumably moved off to join him.

Traitor.

I jerked up suddenly with a gasp, "Oh my god, Charlie's gone, I didn't ask him if he said anything about me! Beth," I said grabbing her desperately, "did he say that he said anything about me?"

"No… chill out and let go!"

Dora and Peri now came up the aisle, smiling sympathetically at me, sat down, looked at Beth, and said, "How's she doing…?

"_I'm right here!_" I screamed.

I looked round at the staring eyes, and dove my head back into my arms with a groan, and then to my annoyance Beth decided to resume her unsympathetic patting of my head.

Eventually I couldn't take it anymore so I lifted my head and asked, "Do you want to play Quidditch?"

Bethany looks as though I've officially lost it.

"Your boyfriend dumps you, because he'd rather make it with a Quaffle than _you_, and you want to distract yourself from this humiliating heartbreak… by playing _Quidditch?_"

"Shut up and go get changed," I said.

So after much persuasion, I finally get Beth and Peri to trudge down to the Quidditch pitch with me, with Dora trailing miserably behind us mumbling "But it's almost _lunchtime…_"

Luckily no one was using the pitch, so we helped ourselves to brooms and a Quaffle.

"Dibs Peri on my team," Beth shouted, and I groaned, looking over at Dora who was pulling a slightly squashed cake from her pocket.

She then proceeded to lick the icing from it with a look of euphoric release on her face.

"Heads up Dora," I said, and threw the Quaffle toward her.

She looked up a second too late and it hit her squarely in the face, causing her to stumble backwards over her discarded broomstick.

Peri and Beth were bent over in laughter, and I smacked my hand to my forehead in frustration.

Despite my infuriation towards Wood and his obsession, I loved Quidditch. I've always longed to be on the Gryffindor team, and I eagerly tried out in my fifth year when a spot became available, but I narrowly lost out to Katie Bell. A little embarrassing considering she was only in her second year, (Beth still hasn't let it go) but I had to admit, she had some serious talent.

But Wood's mania and absorption had made me forget this a little, and I wanted to remember why I loved it.

I swung my leg over the broom and kicked off hard from the ground, soaring into the air with a sense of elation.

There was nothing like flying.

It was like complete freedom as you dipped and dived through the air, defying the laws of gravity. It made you feel pretty powerful, and it was here that I felt most connected to the fact that I was a magical being.

"First to 150?" I yelled at Beth, and she nodded.

Peri and Dora both soared off to the goals either end, and I pointed my wand at the Quaffle, still on the ground below us.

With a bang, it launched itself into the air, and I dived for it.

Beth got there first, taking advantage of the time it took me to stow my wand back into my pocket. She darted towards Dora's end of the pitch, who was sitting anxiously on her broom, vaguely drifting from side to side as Beth drew closer. I leant forward and drew parallel to Beth, punching the Quaffle out backwards from under her arm, drawing my broom back hard and flipping over into a dive to catch it.

Beth was immediately on my tail as I sped down the pitch, and knocked into me.

Shoulder smarting, I dipped suddenly and swerved away, putting a valuable amount of distance between us.

Nearing Peri I could see she was readying herself, concentrating on my movements to guess my intentions, I headed for the nearest goal, then served violently to sink it through the top goal.

Enraged, Beth caught the Quaffle from Peri when she had retrieved it, and whizzed down the pitch.

I struggled to keep up, when suddenly she put on an extra burst of speed from nowhere and I fell back into the slipstream.

Looking up at Dora, I saw she was not eagerly anticipating Beth's movements as Peri had done, but instead had resumed the eating of her cake.

"_Dora!_" I bellowed in anger.

She jumped in violent fright, fumbling the cake which then flew up and out into the open air.

Lurching forward in hope of catching it, Beth threw the Quaffle with ease under Dora's outstretched arm and pulled back with a victorious smirk, yelling out, "Wood was right - it does go faster if you squeeze it a little!"

But I wasn't listening.

Because Dora was heading full-pelt toward the ground on her broom.

Beth noticed my gaze, and looked with shock down at Dora.

"What the _hell_ is she doing?" she cried.

"She's going for the bloody cake!" I yelled, speeding after her, "Dora, stop! _Dora_!"

And then, to my utter astonishment… Dora caught the cake deftly in one hand… and pulled out of the dive with unmistakable skill.

I sat absolutely flabbergasted on my broom, watching as she then proceeded to munch away on her catch, oblivious, and looked from Beth to Peri, whose faces matched mine perfectly.

Eventually, Dora finished the cake, looked up and said, "What?"

"Dora, you just pulled off a freaking Potter!" I cried in disbelief.

She looked at us, startled, "Did I?"

I nodded my head in utter confusion.

"Are we still playing?" she said.

I then heard a noise from the ground, and saw Tamsin Applebee and Heidi MacAvoy running towards us, waving manically.

We touched down onto the ground as they caught up to us, the two Hufflepuff chasers hunched over as they tried to catch their breath. Bless them…

"That was incredible," huffed Heidi to Dora, whose face had turned a violent shade of red.

"Listen," said Tamsin quickly to Dora, "would you be interested in playing Seeker in our last match?"

I think my jaw literally hit the floor.

"What about Diggory?" cried Beth in outrage.

"Spattergroit," she replied, and we all recoiled.

"I… I can't play properly…" Dora began.

"It's okay," Heidi cut in, "there's no pressure. There's no way we can win the Cup, but we could really use a good seeker to at least beat Slytherin. And you look like you'll be just the ticket!"

Dora's mouth was now opening and closing in a fish-like manner.

"Please say you'll do it, saves us having to have trials," Tamsin pleaded.

"O-o…kay," Dora stammered, looking completely petrified, because she has a complete inability to say no.

The Chasers squealed with joy and hugged her, gushing their thanks as she looked at us with confusion and discomfort, "We have a practice right after lunch, come on, we'll talk about it then," and steered her off back towards the castle.

The three of us just stood there.

"What the hell just happened?" I said eventually.

Beth could only stand and shake her head, whilst Peri furrowed her eyebrows in thought

"You know when a mother finds the ability to summon huge amounts of strength to save their child if it's in danger?" she said eventually.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"Well I think that there is literally nothing Dora won't, or can't, do nfor a cake," she concluded.

And so the next few weeks passed with Dora was training hard for the Quidditch match…

Lord did I never think I would say those words…

…in a serious way I mean, I've joked it millions times...

…and before we knew it the preposterous day had arrived, and we all trudged down to the pitch to watch with avid curiosity.

Peri and I were sporting the colours of Hufflepuff in support of Dora, but Bethany was of course clad in green and silver.

She also had with her a small, bulging satchel, the contents of which she refused to disclose.

When the Hufflepuff team walked out, Peri and I screamed enthusiastically, receiving a few confused looks from the surrounding fans, all of us knowing that there was no way in hell they could possibly win this match.

Most of the Hufflepuff supporters hadn't even turned up, not being able to suffer the pending humiliation.

The teams kicked off, and the Slytherin chasers took a commanding possession of the Quaffle.

I think the problem in particular with this pairing, is that the Slytherin chasers were huge and burly boys, who played overly aggressively, and the poor female chasers of the Hufflepuffs just weren't brave enough to take them on like the Gryffindor girls do... Or were at least too repulsed by their appearance to fly anywhere near them.

Within five minutes the Slytherins were sixty points up and we were all groaning with almost physical pain as Beth jumped up and down beside us, cheering gleefully.

Suddenly, Dora pelted across the pitch and Malfoy shot after her, and everyone's heart jumped into their mouths as we caught a glint of the snitch…

Beth moved suddenly beside me, diving into the satchel, and from it, of all things, she withdrew a handful of cupcakes, and proceeded to throw them with some skill onto the pitch.

Dora immediately caught sight of them, and veered off track in confusion, drifting back and forth like a sun-drunk bumblebee. I grabbed Beth's arm forcefully, just as she was about to let go of another one, and unluckily for her, this movement caused it to sail through the air and hit Malfoy in the back of the head, breaking his concentration too as he reached back to touch the place where it had hit, bringing back a hand full of icing.

"What the bloody hell are you doing?" I cried, wrestling cupcakes from Beth's grasp and getting us both covered in icing.

"_We can't lose to Hufflepuff!"_ she screamed manically, chucking another cake over the side under my arm, and now Peri had to join in with the struggle.

Eventually we got the satchel away from her, and the three of us were left panting for breath, Peri sporting a small scratch on her cheek and I had a few indents of teeth marks on my hand.

"Bloody nutter," I said, shoving her in the arm and causing her to fall back to sit on the bench, and I chucked the satchel over the side of the box so it fell to the ground.

Beth folded her arms childishly, but her concentration was quickly reabsorbed into the match.

The Slytherins were now a one hundred and ten points to zero, and you could see the Hufflepuff team's spirits dropping as they slowed down, the effort becoming less obvious.

When Slytherin had scored two more goals, I had my face buried in my hands, not even able to watch anymore, when a shout from Peri caught my attention.

"_Pretend it's a cake_!" she yelled, and I looked up to see Dora and Malfoy once more speeding across the pitch.

I jumped to my feet, "_No Dora! It is a cake! Look at it! It's a cake!" _I screamed, hurting my voice with the level of volume.

I noted Dora's expression changed as she put on a burst of extra speed, stretching out a hand, and for a wild moment, I thought she was going to get it.

If only it hadn't been for that bludger.

From nowhere, Montague hit the damned thing with annoying precision and power, and it clipped the end of Dora's broom, sending her into a temporary spin, which she luckily managed to right herself from, but not before Malfoy had closed his hand round the snitch and rose to victory on a two hundred and eighty points to nothing win.

Peri and I groaned deeply, and slumped onto the benches, as Bethany screamed and jumped in elation, punching the air in delight.

So I reached out a hand and pushed her over.

When she righted herself, rubbing her side with chargrin she simply said, "That was not cool," and stormed off.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: <strong>Wood and Snow... sad face. Leave your thoughts in the reviews!


	19. Chapter 19: The Final

**The Final**

* * *

><p>The lead up to the Final was tense to say the least, and Beth and I were constantly bickering– although that's when we even deigned to speak to each other.<p>

During the run up I spotted Potter walking down a corridor towards me, looking underslept, sick and stressed so I patted him on the back and said "Breathe, you'll be awesome."

He smiled weakly and I watched him pass with worry… to then see Beth coming.

I narrowed my eyes at her…

She narrowed her eyes at me…

Then she shoved her foot out to trip Potter up.

"Beth!" I cried.

"What?! All's fair in love and war right?" she called, "Right?" she said to Potter from his sprawled position on the floor.

After that Wood had people escort Potter everywhere.

On the eve of the final the common room was completely buzzing - we had_ such _a strong chance of winning! The best we'd had since the legendary Charlie Weasley won it for us… and with the _Firebolt _on our side… we were _so close_… if we _lost_… if _he_ lost…

"Hey Snow," said Charlie, flopping down beside me, "How you doing, y'know…?" he trailed off.

I sighed and looked over at Wood forlornly. But then I saw that he was muttering to himself, crouched over a Quidditch pitch model prodding little figures across it…

"Uh, you know what…" I said taking this image in and turning back to Charlie, "Better."

He just laughed and pressed no further, and we spent the rest of the evening getting swept up in the atmosphere.

But I barely slept that night.

Please let us win, I thought, please let him win…

By the time I got to the Great Hall for breakfast the whole team was there, all looking slightly sick and incredibly nervous. Wood tried to shove food in their direction and had nothing himself I noticed, but he eventually gave up, stood sharply, and started ushering the team out to huge applause applause from the Gryffindors, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs.

And I stood up and clapped the hardest.

I glanced over at Beth, who narrowed her eyes at me, so I narrowed my eyes at her. I pointed two fingers at my eyes, then one at her. She narrowed her eyes further. I lowered myself down slowly, maintaining eye contact, til I noticed Peri and Dora had joined me, clad in Gryffindors colours. Dropping the charade I grinned broadly, suddenly elated at our hopeful chances of winning, until Charlie slid into the seat next to me looking nervous.

"How's he doing?" I asked immediately.

"I have no idea," he sighed, "it's like he's possessed," he said nervously piling sausages onto his plate, "He's never been this bad. I don't even want to think what he's going to be like if we lose."

I groaned at the thought and began to feel nervous again, pushing my own plate of food away.

Soon people started to trickle out and head for the pitch, so I stood and initiated our group's movement into the growing crowd, and Beth eventually caught up with us, Felicia and Celestina in tow for serpent support.

"There's no way you guys are going to beat us," Beth said smugly.

"What, you mean like we did last year? And the year before that…" I asked.

"Oh and when was the last time you guys won the Quidditch cup again?" she countered.

"Care to place I bet," I asked, cocking my head to one side.

"Fifty galleons!" she cried immediately.

"Don't be stupid," I said, "I don't want your money. I was thinking more along the lines of a… slap bet?"

Beth's eyes widened with both excitement and fear, "How many?" she asked.

"Ooh," cried Peri, "can I be slap bet commissioner?"

"Yes you can, which means you choose the terms," I said.

"Okay," she said, furrowing her head in concentration, "it needs to be high stakes… okay, how about, winner gets five slaps that can be doled out anytime from here to eternity?"

"Beautiful," I smiled, and held out my hand to Beth.

She was quiet for a while as she thought, then confidently stretched out her hand and said, "done" just as the Gryffindors gave an almighty roar, signifying the teams entrance onto the pitch, looking sufficiently confident when Lee Jordan cried, _"Widely acknowledged as the best side Hogwarts has seen in a good few years…"_

I grinned cockily at Beth, who joined in the loud chorus of boo's from the Slytherins, and we settled ourselves into the stands as the air of pure unadulterated rivalry rippled through us.

You could almost taste the tension in the air...

Down on the pitch Flint and Wood's handshake was looking pretty brutal, but neither so much as winced and a tremor of cheers arose as they kicked off from the crowd.

Gryffindor of course immediately took possession.

"_Suck it,"_ I whispered at Beth, who scowled at me.

Spinnet was heading straight for the goals, and I stood on my tip toes in anticipation of an easy goal… but just as she got within range she was intercepted by Warrington.

"Suck it," said Beth, to which I scowled.

Suddenly Johnson had possession again. She was flying up the pitch… and… "yes… yes… go, go.. go, GO!" I screamed and she sunk it through one of the hoops.

"_Yes_!" I screamed in Beth's ear who gave me a shove of annoyance.

A loud crunched sounded and I whirled round to see Flint had tackled Angelina.

The Gryffindor supporters roared in outrage, everyone on their feet and yelling for Madam Hooch, but just before she reached them, the legend that is Fred Weasley chucked his bat at the back of Flint's head, whose face smashed down into his broom and came back up bleeding.

I broke into laughter and looked over at Charlie who was whooping and cheering, and I held up my hand for a high five which he obliged, then to our horror, Hooch awarded penalties to both sides.

Beth smugly stuck her V's up at us and I shoved her a little.

Alicia lined up for her penalty, and of course, got it past the brute of a keeper expertly.

Then it was Flint's go.

My stomach began to knot with fear as I watched Wood's stoic face. He hovered in front of the goals, and I held my breath.

At Hooch's whistle. Flint shot to the left, feigned, and threw the Quaffle to the right.

Wood had hesitantly mirrored his movements, but he easily swung his broom backwards and round, hitting the Quaffle clear away with the back end of his broom and grinned smugly at Flint.

My throat was getting hoarse with cheering.

The play continued and Bell streaked up the pitch, when suddenly, Montague, the freaking baboon, literally grabbed her head, causing her to cartwheel off and almost fall off her broom.

"_What the f**k_," Charlie and I both screamed, and were barely contented when we were granted a penalty, which she naturally scored.

"_Hey Beth,"_ I yelled over the noise_, "look at that! Even being cheat b*****ds you still haven't even scored one goal!"_ and then I kind of half stretched, half waved my right hand at her in reminder of our bet. She pouted.

There was a ripple of excitement, and I spun my attention back to the match.

Potter was on the move.

I grabbed Charlie's front next to me in trepidation, my eyes fixed on Potter. My hands clenched down when a bludger went whooshing by, and then clenched even harder when a second one narrowly missed.

"Snow, do you mind," Charlie said painfully, "I kind of like my nipples..."

"Oh, sorry," I mumbled, releasing his front and heard a sigh of relief exhale from him.

The beaters suddenly closed in on Potter, who then pulled up at the last second, sending them crashing into each other.

"_Nice one Potter you little_ _genius_," I screamed, shaking Beth by the shoulders, who shoved me off angrily.

Then before I knew what had happened, Flint got a goal passed Wood.

I sunk a little at the knees and searched his face for emotion, but he remained impassive and focused, immediately returning to his watchful hovering.

I looked down at Beth who was grinning knowingly at me, so I began to chant in a muggle football fashion, "Three ONE! Three ONE! Three One.. Three One..!" and her face fell as she turned back to the match. I turned back to the match just in time to see Bole inexplicably hitting Spinnet over the head with his beater's bat.

Every Gryffindor was on their feet.

"Bole_ you slimy, floppy-wanded, son of a banshee, dementor-buggering… unicorn turd_!" I screamed.

Everyone turned to look at me.

Awkward.

I noticed Potter's bushy-haired friend was looking particularly scandalised, so I just smiled and stuck my thumbs up at her.

There was a chorus of_ 'ooooh's'_ as George Weasley sunk his elbow into Bole's face with a resounding crunch, and all the Gryffindor's around me reached for his little red-head brother and shook and patted him in roaring approval of George's actions.

But civil unrest was beginning to surface and penalties were again awarded to both sides.

As the celebrations broke out over our fourth goal and another spectacular save by Wood, so did a few scuffles.

"_Come on Flint, that jumped up Gryffindor keeper sucks royal Hippogriff! Put some effort in!_" screamed a pretty boy Slytherin to Charlie's right.

"_Hey!"_ Charlie rounded on him, "that's my best mate you're talking about!"

"_Yeah!_ " I jumped in, "and he's _my_… uh… ex-boyfriend…" I trailed off.

"Oh yeah, well I guess he's not such an idiot after all, getting rid of you I mean," he sneered.

My mouth dropped opened in outrage.

I closed it again, pushed calmly past Charlie, and dropped my voice, "Say that again."

He squared his shoulders, towered over me and started to slowly say… "I said he's not such an idio…"

And before he knew it, yellow pus was secreting out of his nose.

He cried out in horror, and started fanning his hands about, clearly torn between trying to wipe away the pus and really not wanting to touch it.

"_Ew_ Theo, what the _hell?_" said a pretty girl beside him, clearly his girlfriend.

And clearly disgusted.

I wrinkled my face in pained compassion, leaned in, beckoned her to listen, pointed at him behind my hand and whispered, "_Chlamydia_."

She literally recoiled in horror, put a hand to her own face, then spun round and scarpered.

"'_Livia!"_ cried Theo, who now had pus coming out of his ears and all down his front, "_where are you going?!_ Help me!" he cried, and followed after her.

I turned back to our group triumphantly who were on the floor laughing. Charlie high fived me, and Peri just couldn't get over how idiotic the girl was.

"I mean, she knows that's a _sexually transmitted disease_ right? Why on earth would it affect his _nose_?!"

I was laughing so hard by this point that I almost missed as Bell scored another goal. Fred and George swooped around her to celebrate, and then I screamed Wood's name.

But he was already down with two bludgers to the stomach.

Everybody was on their feet roaring, mostly in fury, some in approval. I turned to rush down to the pitch, but Charlie caught me and told me he'd be fine.

I wasn't sold as I looked back. Wood clutching his broom in pain, completely winded.

Madam Hooch was absolutely beside herself, screaming at the Slytherins and awarding yet another penalty for us to easily score, then with some superb beater work, Fred sent a bludger at Warrington, knocking the Quaffle out of his hands for Spinnet to sink through the goal.

"_Oh, hey Beth, what's the score again? I didn't hear_," I yelled at her over the cheering.

"Seventy-ten," she mumbled, folding her arms.

"_What was that? I can't hear you over all the _winning_…"_ and then my heart stopped.

Because Potter was on the move again… and if he caught it, the Cup was ours….

Please…

Please…

_Please_…

Please…

WHAT THE F***?!

"_You cheating son of a…" _Charlie was screaming.

"_You snivelling scum of a…"_ I was shouting.

"_You beautiful genius of a …"_ Beth was shouting.

Because Malfoy had grabbed the end of Potter's broom, and the snitch was gone.

"_How can you be proud of that?!" I _yelled at Beth, throwing my hands up in frustration.

"_How couldn't I, it was a great move_!" she yelled back gleefully.

"_It was a great _foul_!"_ I countered, but knowing it was useless to argue with a Slytherins imbalanced logic I left it at that.

Lee Jordan was screaming unabashed abuses at the Slytherins, and we all looked over to see why McGonnagall wasn't reprimanding him. But judging by the way she was shaking her fist and had lost her hat, she was screaming profanity too.

"_You go McGonnagall!"_ I yelled, but was soon quietened as the Slytherins, seemingly having gained a second wind from Malfoy's despicable foul, had scored another goal.

We were one goal down on our chance for the Cup.

The Quaffle was back in Johnson's possession, and suddenly, the entire Slytherin team was swarming after her.

"Is this really happening?" I said to Charlie.

"It is. There is so much cheating going on, I feel physically dirty," he replied.

Suddenly Potter was streaking toward the crowd. I assumed he'd seen the snitch, then quickly realised he was sending the Slytherins scattering and cleared the way for Johnson to score a spectacular goal.

We were back in the running for the Cup!

"Malfoy's diving!" screamed Dora, and all our hands flew to our heads in horror.

Potter was on his tail.

"Oh please _Wizard God_ let that Firebolt be as fast as it's meant to be..." I prayed out loud.

"Go!" said Charlie.

"Please!" said I.

"Faster!" cried Peri.

"_Grab his broom_!" shouted Dora.

"No, no, _no_!" screamed Beth.

And Potter pulled up, hand aloft, glinting with gold.

It was like a literal explosion. The noise was absolutely deafening. Slytherins left right and centre were being swarmed by gloating Gryffindors, Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs, united in their joy at the Quidditch dictators overturn.

I searched the sky and found Wood, blatantly sobbing into Potter's shoulder as he held him, and we started to storm the pitch.

Up ahead we could see the Cup, glinting in Dumbledore's hands as he smiled benevolently at the rioting crowd, every single one of them trying to merely touch a member of the winning team. Potter was lifted up and borne across the body of delirious students towards Dumbledore, who was presenting the Cup to a still openly weeping Wood, who passed it gratefully to Potter when he joined them.

I finally caught his eye for the first time in weeks, grinned broadly and winked as I cheered with the rest. He grinned back, then after a moment's hesitation, he dropped off the stand into the crowd and was heading towards me.

I could see what was happening.

Really I should turn and run.

It was always going to be like this..

He was never going to change..

And he… Oh I'm already pushing my way towards him too? Dammit.

"I'm so sorry," he said as he reached me.

"Shut up," I replied, and grabbed him by the back of the neck, crashing his lips to mine.

Then, when we were done, I grinned at him, turned round…

And slapped Beth really, really hard in the face.

"That's one!" I beamed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: That's my favourite chapter ending :D how dyu like them apples 'Beth'? That's for all the 'moooooore?'s. And I've still got four left! WIN. <strong>

**Oh yeah, review please :) and sorry it's been a while, got a bit o writer's block! Also called laziness. But we'll pretend it's writer's block. Coz we're friends.**


	20. Chapter 20: NEWT's

**N.E.W.T.'s**

* * *

><p>I raced down to the common room in the morning…<p>

But he wasn't there.

So I waited, and eventually Charlie came down...

But he said he'd left early for breakfast.

So I raced down to breakfast…

But he wasn't there.

So I checked the library.

The owlery.

The bloody Quidditch pitch!

Nowhere to be found.

So much for our grand reconciliation.

By dinner time I was pretty pissed off, and then all of a sudden I saw him coming up the aisle, looking exhausted and a little battered.

"Bloody hell, what happened to you?" I said, getting up.

But he just dropped to his knees and said, "Please forgive me!"

"For what?" I said, incredibly confused.

"I can't take any more of this…" he said.

"What? Anymore of what?" What the bloody hell was he talking about…?

"There you are!" came a shrill voice, and Beth came racing down the aisle.

"Oh no…" said Wood, looking at her with fear and moving behind me.

"Come on you," she said, grabbing him by the arm.

"No, please, don't let her take me…" he said, grabbing my hand.

I held it firmly and used my other hand to grab him round the waist and out of Beth's reach.

"What the heck is going on?" I demanded.

"Uh…" Beth said, obviously trying to think of a lie.

"Beth?" I said warningly.

"Nothing! Nothing's going on, we're just… working some stuff out, right Wood?"

He looked like he wanted to sob.

"What stuff?" I said, now pulling Wood closer as Beth tried to pull him away, it was turning in to a kind of tug of war…

"You know… stuff…" she said evasively.

"Wood, what's she making you do?" I said, looking at him.

"I.. I said I'd do anything…" he stammered.

That's when Peri and Dora came rushing in, saw us all together and then tried to edge away again.

"You two, over here, now!" I yelled.

They stopped, looked sheepish and wandered over.

I looked from Beth… to Peri… to Dora… ah… the weak link.

"Spill," I said.

Dora looked startled, took a deep breath, threw a terrified look at Beth who shot her a warning glare, then burst.

"We didn't want Wood to get off so lightly with ignoring you and putting Quidditch first so Beth told him you were still mad at him and we got him to do all kinds of things for us for him to earn your trust back…" she ran out of breath.

"Like what?"

"Um… well Beth made him polish all her shoes…"

"Bloody hell, there's hundreds!" I said.

"I know," said Wood from behind me.

"And uh… Peri made him alphabetise her book collection…"

"Blimey…"

"By genre…" she added.

"Christ."

"And um, I, may have used him… you know… as a dress model."

"He looked very pretty," said Beth.

"Disturbingly pretty…" added Peri.

"Is that all?" I asked, incredulous, but Wood shook his head mournfully.

"Well," said Beth, "I might of… y'know uh… magically hung him off the side of the Astronomy Tower and made teeny _tiny_ little threats to him about what I'd do to him if he ever chose Quidditch over you again…"

"She said she'd tether my broomstick to the ground with my own intestines so I could never fly again…" Wood blundered, traumatised.

"Right…" I said.

To be fair, I didn't know whether to be furious, or incredibly touched. I chose the latter.

"Aww… you guys," I said, opening my arms for a group hug, then I turned and smiled at Wood whose face broke into a look of relief.

"But seriously," I said, our faces both dropping, "if you do that again I _am _going to hurt you."

He just gulped and nodded.

And you know what, being Wood's number one priority was absolutely amazing.

But you know what's not absolutely amazing?

Exams.

I needed some help from Peri one day so I headed to the library, and sure enough I find her there, like a good little Ravenclaw, except she's hyperventilating into a paper bag.

"Peri what's wrong?!" I cry, rushing to her.

She looks at me, wide-eyed and fearful, the paper bag filling and deflating rapidly, "my life _gasp_… is going _gasp_… to be _gasp_… over… _gasp_."

"Why?" I demanded.

"_Exams,"_ she's says in reply, her breathing becoming even more rapid.

"What about the exams?!" I say.

"I'm go to fail!" she cries, shoving her face deeper into the bag, as if it was producing some kind of performance enhancing drugs.

Or just drugs.

"You're not going to fail!" I shout.

"I am," she says wildly, "I'm going to fail! Oh god, then my father will disown me! And my mother will be mad, and then they'll get a divorce! Then Mum will develop a drinking problem, and Dad will meet a new young girl, with big boobs and blonde hair and she'll pop out some twins!" another deep breath from the bag, "and then one day I'll come downstairs to find Mum face down in a pool of her own vomit, surrounded by pills because she's killed herself and then I'll be an orphan!" another deep breath, "and then I'll have live on the street and become addicted to Heroin, selling my body for my next fix, "another deep breath, "and then I'll contract HIV and be impregnated, and I know I won't be able to raise the child so I'll have to have an abortion, but oh god, I can't afford one! What will I do? I'll have to find some back street abortionist with a dirty knife and a folding table, like in Dirty Dancing, and then I'll probably get an infection and then…"

And then I slapped her very hard across the face.

She looked at me in horror, with one hand nursing her cheek.

"I'm sorry Peri, but you needed that. You know that don't you?" I said slowly.

She nodded, eyes still far too wide.

"Would you like me to take you to the hospital wing?" I ask.

She nods again, expression the same.

"Okay," I say, and I gently try to ease her up out of her chair.

"Can I bring my books?" she says fearfully.

"Let's just leave them here for now," I say.

She looks at me in renewed horror.

"It's okay, they'll still be here, you just need a little break. You know you revise so much better after you've had a quick break."

She nods again, her hand still on her cheek, and I slowly guided her towards the hospital wing.

"Only a short break though," she says halfway there, "Lot's to do."

In the end I was forced to leave her under Madam Pomfrey's capable care, sleeping off some of the stress under the influence of heavy medication.

The hospital wing was the busiest I'd ever seen it, and not only with those cracking under the pressure, but also the idiots suffering the effects of Hogwarts black market of intelligence boosters, stress relievers and general exam miracle cures.

"Have you seen the stuff they're pedalling this year?" I said, catching up with Beth.

"I know, it's ridiculous. I saw a guy back there selling Beluvian Sphinx hair, insisting if you put it in Polyjuice potion, you'll get it's intelligence for an hour."

"For christ's sake," I cried, "it's probably his nipple hair."

"Or back," she replied, "I hear back hair is quite the intelligence booster."

"I know right? Who would be dumb enough to fall for that…?"

"Hey guys!"

We turned to see Dora rushing towards us, arms laden with objects.

"What the heck is all this Dor?" I asked, picking up what seemed to be a galleon necklace.

"Oh! That one is a lucky galleon. It was blessed by leprechauns!" she beamed.

I smacked my hand to my forehead in unison with Beth.

"Dora, how much did you pay for this?" I asked.

"Ten galleons," she said, looking at us with dawning confusion.

"So let me get this straight, you paid ten galleons… for one galleon? And not only that, a galleon with a hole in it," Beth said, pointing out said hole, through which the necklace string was looped.

"No, it's a_ lucky_ galleon," she cried, snatching it from me.

"And what about the rest of this stuff?" I demanded, trying to rifle through it but she just turned away from us to protect her loot.

"Well, this glove is imbued with moon power, and if I wear it when I write, I write three times faster!"

"With moon power?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said.

"With the power of the moon?" Beth asked.

"Yes."

"Do you have the power to moon people?" I asked.

"What?"

"With your moon power, do you have the power to moon people? With the power of the moon?"

"You guys can make fun all you want!" Dora huffed, struggling to hold all her treasures, "but we'll see who's laughing when I sit down in the great hall with the intelligence of a Beluvian Sphinx!"

And then she stormed off.

"Beluvian… is Beluvia even a place?" Beth asked.

"I assume so, you know these con artists, thorough with the research them."

"So, how's your revision going?" Beth asked as we sat down for lunch.

"Meh, haven't started yet, got plenty of time," I said, starting to pile food on my plate.

"…isn't your first exam tomorrow?" Beth asked worriedly.

I paused.

"Oh sh*t."

It was alright though, just crammed all night. See I'm one of those cocky students – leaves everything to last minute but still pulls it off and gets good marks?

Sucks doesn't it.

"How'd you do?" I asked Beth as we filed out of the Potions exam.

"Well, you can put my cauldron count up to eighteen," she said, but she was surprisingly casual about it.

"Isn't that like… an automatic T?" I checked.

She just shrugged, "My father has contacts in the ministry. Doesn't matter what I get, I'll still have a cushy well paid office job lined up for me. Probably wrapped in a bow."

I stared at her, "I kind of hate you a little."

"I know," she grinned, "isn't money great? I hope it's a green bow…"

I shook my head and sighed - man I couldn't wait for exams to be over.

"Dora!" I called, seeing her in the distance and catching up, "how'd it go?"

She shook her head perplexed, "I'm not sure I used the Sphinx hair correctly, I didn't feel smarter at all, and this is going to sound really weird but… I think my nipples are hairier…?"

Blimey.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Guys, it's been a while. I'm sorry. Uni... it's a lot of work - who knew right? <strong>

This is Beth- She is lying to you, she is just very lazy.**  
><strong>

**Beeeeeth shut UP! I do lots of work. Important Uni work.  
><strong>

What like that personal contribution report you are meant to be writing right now? yeah i thought so, very important uni work: aka LAZY!**  
><strong>

**Yes, the personal contribution report I'm meant to be writing, but you won't let me because you're making me write this. So, quiet you.  
><strong>

**I will write more over the Christmas holidays, I promise. And... dare I say... I might... FINISH IT! (Say whaaaaat? Did she just say finish?! did they just say finish?!) Yes readers. Finish. I think there'll only be two more chapters after this... prepare yourselves...  
><strong>

**and review.  
><strong>

**please.  
><strong>


	21. Chapter 21: Leaver's Ball

**Leaver's Ball**

* * *

><p>"<em>Did you hear?!"<em>

"_Have you heard?!"_

"_Professor Lupin…"_

"_Sirius Black!"_

"_Werewolf…"_

"_Attacked that Weasley kid…"_

I spun my head back and forth as I passed each huddled group until I caught up with my own gossip machine.

"What the hell is going on?" I asked Peri, whose eyes widened with excitement as she turned to look at me.

"Sirius Black!" she exclaimed.

"He tried to get into the chamber?!" Beth cried as she joined the group.

"No." We all chorused.

"So what's happened?" I backtracked.

"_Apparently_, Sirius Black got into the grounds last night, kidnapped Ron Weasley, used him to lure Harry Potter and their Hermione friend to the Shrieking Shack, they were rescued by Professor Snape, and Black was later caught trying to escape with Potter by the Dementors! And to top it all off, he actually did escape… again!" Peri breathed out in a rush of excitement.

"Blimey," I concluded.

"Oh," Seth then chipped in, "And whilst all this is happening, guess who's roaming the grounds as an untamed werewolf?"

"Filch?" I said.

"Snape?" Beth said.

"Hagrid's hairy secret long lost brother?" I continued.

"No…" Dora replied, "Professor Lupin!"

My jaw dropped.

"No way!" Beth gasped.

"Oh no!" I realised, "does that mean he's leaving?!"

"I'm afraid so," Peri nodded gravely.

"Oh that's sucks… he's the best teacher we've ever… oh wait, what do I care? We're leaving too. So, you guys picked out what you're wearing to the leaver's ball?" I moved on.

There was a collective groan as we continued this discussion animatedly, but Seth stopped short in bewilderment.

"That's seriously all you guys have to say about one of the biggest pieces of drama to happen to Hogwarts?"

"To be fair, I don't think it's bigger than Professor Quirrell having You-Know-Who on the back of his head for an entire year, then trying to kill Potter," said Beth.

"Or a giant killer snake slithering round the pipes of the school for a whole year, petrifying people and then trying to kill Potter, again. I mean, it's literally not bigger than that. Literally," I said.

"Fair enough," he conceded, "continue."

The day did then continue to revolve in these same circles of conversation, from the events of the previous night (Peri: "How the hell did we not figure out Professor Lupin was a werewolf? His boggart turned into a full moon for crying out loud! I've definitely failed my N.E.W.T's…"), to the anticipated arrival of the Leaver's ball (Beth: "There's no way in hell I'm going with Charlie. Not even if he looks absolutely stunning in his dress robes so that every time I look at him I get butterflies in my stomach. Not even then."), back to theories of Sirius Black's miraculous escape (Dora: "What if he went back in time, stole Hagrid's hippogriff, which mysteriously disappeared _right_ before it was meant to be executed, then broke his past self out of the top tower, and gave him the hippogriff to escape?"), to reminiscing about the highlights of our last year at Hogwarts (Me: "Remember when Granger punched Malfoy in the face? That was awesome.")

"Uh, excuse me, Peri, can I talk to you a minute?" came a voice from behind us, and we turned to find Herbert Sheppley stood looking both nervous and slightly angry.

"O-okay," Peri blushed, and following him to a safe distance away.

"Do you think he's asking her to the ball?" Dora chimed excitedly.

"I don't know, it kind of looks like they're arguing," I said, judging by the way Herbert was gesturing and in their use of low, harsh whispers.

"What on earth is going on…" wondered Beth.

"I've had enough Peri!" Herbert suddenly yelled, "tell them now or lose me forever!" he demanded, pointing over at us.

Our jaws dropped, and Peri stared at us in wide-eyed horror.

"Well?" Herbert encouraged.

Peri opened her mouth but no sound came out.

"Fine, that's it," he cried, and turned to storm away when Peri screamed, _"I'm dating Herbert Sheppley!"_

No one said anything for a while, we just stared awkwardly at each other.

"For how long?" grinned Beth, the shock wearing off.

She looked tentatively back at Herbert, and sidled toward him, picking his hand up in hers and said, "since… since before Valentine's day…"

"Oh my god! Why didn't you tell us?!" I cried, genuinely a little hurt.

"Snow, you guys spent an _entire_ day coming up with fish puns to tease Seth and Dora. A whole day. You sent them a baby grow for their one month anniversary! You've named their imaginary children Bethogen and Imothy! Not a single day goes by you don't crack a joke about their impending nuptials or birth of a child. You've already planned a surprise baby shower for their nine month anniversary!"

"Spoiler alert!" cried Beth.

"I'm just saying, I just knew you guys would tease me ceaselessly about it, and you know I don't like to be teased…" she trailed off ashamedly.

"I can't believe you wouldn't trust us with such a huge thing in your life," I said.

She dropped her gaze.

"I must say, I'm really hurt that you would keep it from us for so long…" Beth chided.

"Even from me?" Dora mumbled sadly.

"I'm so sorry guys, please forgive me…" she pleaded.

"Or what…" I began, and I sincerely, really tried to stop myself from saying it… "we'll lose you forever?"

Bethany sniggered beside me, and Peri's eye twitched.

"See!" she screamed at Herbert, "you had to give them ammo didn't you!" and she spun on her heel and stormed off leaving a sheepish Herbert in her wake.

"I'd go after her mate," I said.

"Yeah, or she'll never forgive you," Beth chuckled.

"Won't ever speak to you again," I said.

"For the rest of your life," Beth added.

"So essentially…" I continued,

"…you'll have lost her …" Beth sighed,

"Well…" I trailed.

"Forever," We both finished, and grinned brightly at him.

He looked from one of us to the other, then at Dora who could only shrug helplessly, before he shouted "Peri!" and turned on his heel to follow her, "I'm so sorry! Please forgive me! I'll never doubt anything you say again! I should've listened to you!"

"Well that was new… so yeah, remember the time Granger punched Malfoy in the face?" I continued.

"Yeah, that was awesome," Beth agreed.

* * *

><p>"Oh my god, Snow evolved! Into Hot Snow!" claimed Beth as I met her in the entrance hall.<p>

"Hell yeah I did," I agreed, striking a pose.

"Okay, now me," she demanded.

I sneered, "You look alright, I guess, could've made an effort."

She looked like she wanted to eat my heart out. And the hearts of all the subsequent children I bore. I'm not sure how that would work, but it would.

"Shall I try again?" I asked.

She nodded.

I cleared my throat, "Daaaaaayum girl, you look all kinds of hot!"

She grinned, "I know, I feels it."

"I mean, if being _sexy_ was a crime, you'd be guilty as charged!"

"Well…"

"If you were words on a page, you'd be what they call _fine_ print."

"Getting weird now."

"It's a good thing that I have my library card, because I'm totally checking you out!"

"Stop."

That's when Dora and Peri arrived.

I nodded my head and smiled at Beth, and we both turned and went, "Dayuuuuuuum!"

"Peri, do your feet hurt? Coz you been running round my mind all day," I continued.

"Dora, are those space pants? Because your ass is out of this world!"

"You can see my pants?!" Dora shrieked, feverishly now assessing the full length dress she'd made.

"No, Dora, it's an American line… they call trousers pants…"

"But I'm not wearing trousers…" she said, utterly confused.

"Forget it," Beth gave up.

We all stood awkwardly for moment… but then the boys arrived.

"Dayuuuuuuuuuuuuuuum!"

(Me to Wood) "Was your Dad a baker? Because you've got a nice set of buns!"

(Beth to Charlie) "If you were a laser, you'd be set on stunning!"

(Peri to Herbert) "I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you!"

(Dora to Seth) "If you were a bogie, I'd pick you first."

All turn to Dora.

"What…? It's all I could think of… I'm no good under pressure!" she huffed.

As Seth consoled her we all became absorbed in our other halves, "Shall we?" Wood said, proffering his arm.

"Why thank you kind sir," I smiled, taking the arm and walking my most lady like down the stairs.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"Being a lady," I replied, grinning at Beth who was doing to same, but also giving the Queen's wave.

"Please, no pictures," I said to a bemused passing first year, shielding my face.

"You guys…" Charlie merely said as we made it into the hall.

Inside two of the tables had been cleared away, and the others had been covered in white cloths and set nicely for dinner. The space in the middle now created a dance floor, for which music was being piped in from an unseen source... just like magic… (lol jokes, it was magic.)

"Nice to see they spared no expense with the decorations," I said, indicating the same house banners that were hung at each final feast.

"At least they don't have to bother taking them down straight away, can just leave them up for tomorrow," Charlie pointed out.

"I can't believe it's our last ever feast tomorrow," pined Peri as she joined us.

"Crazy isn't it," I mused, looking round at all my classmates, hardly recognising half of them.

The nicest part was that instead of the usual candles, the air was full of twinkling lights that flitted and flew around, literal fairy lights.

"Well then guys, let's get our rave on… claw."

The group collectively groaned at me and left to join the festivities.

"Aww come on," I said following, "that's like the funniest thing I've ever said..."

Seth managed to get hold of some Firewhiskey again, so the night for me is now basically just a montage of drunken memories, they may not be in the right order, but it started about here:

Seth: "Just one sip Dora!"

Dora: "Never!"

…

Beth: "Wanna spike Dora's drink with me?"

Me: "Hell to the yes."

…

Dora: "You poo-smelling rapscallion!"

…

Beth: "Herbert and Peri are going at it in the corner!"

Me (yelling): "Peri! What would your mother say!"

…

Charlie: "Check out my moves baby!"

*does the running man*

*poorly*

…

Peri: "But I didn't even figure out that Professor (hiccup) Lupin was a werewolf! I must've failed!"

Dumbledore: "I assure you Miss Poliakoff, I am sure you performed spectacularly."

Beth: "Your beard is really long… like really long…"

…

Bernard Leach: "Dora… can I have this dance?"

Dora: "Back peasant!"

…

Me: "I love you man… you're like… my best friend, in the whole world…"

Percy Weasley: "Well, um, thank you Imogen…"

Me: "Seriously, even with those stupid glasses, and your _stuck up _attitude, you know what, _you know what_… you're alright kid."

Wood: "Come on babe, let's get you some water…"

Me: "Let's get _you_ some water, because you are _wasted_."

…

Beth: "I love you… s-so much…"

Me: "I l-love you t-too!"

Beth: "And, it's s-so sad because… after this… we'll never see each other again, because… I'll be moving with a higher calibre of wizards…"

Me: "I… w-what?"

…

Charlie: "Babe, babe, babe! Check out this one…"

*does sprinkler*

*somehow slaps McGonnagall in face*

…

McGonnagall (dragging Charlie out by ear): "Kiss goodbye to any future you thought you had after Hogwarts!"

Charlie: "I'm sorry! I don't even know what happened! I was just getting my groove on!"

Beth: "Well who am I supposed to make out with now? …Dora, come here for a second."

Dora: "Why?"

Beth: "I just want to talk to you…"

…

Dora: "She put her tongue in my mouth!"

Seth: "I know! I saw! It was kind of hot."

Dora: "…you sicken me."

…

Beth: "I punched myself in the face once, because it was dark and I couldn't see it."

Me: "LOL."

(TS)

…

Beth: "Have I got my lipstick?" (offers open purse)

Me: "Why can't you look?"

Beth: "My eyes are closed."

(TS)

…

Dora: "Do you hide things in your beard?"

Hagrid: "No…"

Dora: *narrows eyes* "Your beard is full of _secrets_."

…

Peri: "Dora thinks that Sirius Black went back in time, rescued Hagrid's hippogriff, and then used it to escape from the tower… how ridiculous is that?!"

Dumbledore: "Highly…"

…

Dora: *squinting through a fork* "Ha… it looks like you're in jail."

Beth: "You're an idiot."

(TS)

….

Me: "What are you guys doing?"

….

*All three looking through forks*

Me: "Ha… lol."

…

Beth: "Snow, if we went on a group holiday together in the Lake District, would you come?"

Me: "Yeah, yeah, sure."

Dora: "Yay! Because there's a bobbin factory where they make wooden bobbins and…"

Me: "Well… I'll have to check my diary… I'm pretty busy…"

(TS)

…

Seth: "Where's Dora?"

Beth: "Under the table."

Me: "Eating pudding."

Seth: "Why?"

Me: "We were making fun of her."

Beth: "Relentlessly."

(TS)

…

Me: "So, you've decided to forgive us?"

Dora: "Hmmpfh."

*sits down on chair*

*it splits in two*

(TS)

…

*Dora on floor in ball of embarrassment*

Beth: "Chin her!"

*we all tickle her under the chin*

*she severely dislikes this*

(TS)

…

Peri: "I can't believe you turned my hair into a penis."

Me: "Hahahahahahahahahahahaha… ha!"

…

*Me, Beth, Peri, and Dora in hysterics*

Beth: "And then… and then he said… if you squeeze it… it goes that much faster!"

*more hysterics*

Wood: "This isn't fair, I didn't know what you were talking about!"

…

*crying from laughter*

Me: "And what he didn't know… is we'd… we'd… switched his broom… with a real broom!"

*falls off chair with laughter*

Wood: "You guys suck."

…

Me: "Remember when Malfoy tried to pay you for sex?"

Beth: "He didn't pay me for sex!"

Charlie: "Child trafficker!"

Me: "Charlie how did you even get back in here…?"

McGonagall: "Mr Quigley!"

Charlie: "Oh gnome jibblies…"

…

*Back in hysterics*

Beth: "You thought the Hufflepuff animal was a panda!"

Dora: "Shut up!"

…

Seth: "Where's Dora?"

Peri: "Back under the table."

…

Peri: "You guys shouldn't tease Dora so much."

Beth: "Why?"

Me: "Because we'll lose her forever?"

*Peri storms off in frustration*

…

*All mad dancing on the dance floor*

McGonagall: "Will you all please, _please,_ go to bed!"

…

Dora: "We should break into the kitchens."

Me: "Yeah, coz I need me some fried chicken, like, right now."

…

Me: "I love you guys."

*consensus of I love you's*

Me: "But not as much as I love fried chicken."

*continues to eat fried chicken*

…

And then I woke up.

In one of the Greenhouses.

In a sombrero.

"Great night."

* * *

><p><strong>AN: <strong>So two years and a degree later...

I'M SO SORRY GUYS.

My laptop broke in my second year of university, and I couldn't afford to get it fixed. It's unfortunately just been lying around gathering dust, come with me through two moves, BUT I've finally got round to retrieving this, the most important file off the hard drive to finally finish!

So, though the Hogwarts chapters will be concluded in the next chapter, that won't be it. The rest of the gang will never let me stop, they've insisted on various chapters like the Battle of Hogwarts, children, marriage, and just further fun and hilarity, so make sure you sign up to alerts!

To make up for two years absence, not only have I written this and the final chapter, I also have the first BONUS chapter of many to come - us meeting on the train to Hogwarts in first year!

Just to catch up on our real life counterparts, 'Dora' is now living with 'Seth' in an adorable little house and are very happy together. 'Beth' has graduated and has a boyfriend, who has already been run through the name generator to make an appearance later! After a year in Canada 'Peri' is finishing her last year at University, and I have now also graduated and am living with my boyfriend, who weirdly is called Charlie, so reading back over this was very, very weird.

As usual, please review, it's been SO long, I'd love to hear from you! :)


	22. Chapter 22: One Last Time

**One Last Time**

* * *

><p>I'll admit it, I welled up a little when I walked into the Great Hall.<p>

Mostly thanks to our spectacular Quidditch Cup victory, the hall was adorned in Gryffindor colours for the house cup, which was eye watering hapiness enough, but then it was also sadness. Because this was it, the last feast.

I caught a glimpse of each of my friends at their house tables. Peri was beaming as she showed everyone her fantastic N.E.W.T results, Dora was sobbing a little with each mouthful of food as she mourned her imminent departure from the House Elves cooking, and Beth looked like she was trying to set fire to the Gryffindor banners with her mind.

We'd all done pretty well with our N.E.W.T results, apart from Beth's T in Potions. I got mostly E's with an O in Defense Against the Dark Arts. I was glad I'd excelled in that one as least, before mentally kicking myself for not trying hard enough in the rest.

I slid into the seat next to Wood and Charlie shot me a wink. He and Beth had broken up once again, and I was worried it would be a little more permanent this time as now we were all going our separate ways. I knew Beth would want to keep her options open once she entered the big bad world.

"How are you doing?" Wood asked, squeezing my hand.

"I'm a bit sad," I sighed, shrugging.

He smiled understandingly and kissed the side of my head, and I couldn't help letting a little smile escape.

The food as usual was excellent, the house elves always excelled themselves for the end of term feasts, and the overwhelming aura of victory and happiness from the surrounding Gryffindors was hard to ignore. Eventually the main course disappeared and was replaced by dessert, and I quickly began to fill napkins with a variety of portable treats, then got up from the table to leave.

"Where are you going?" Charlie asked, incredulous I could be leaving in the middle of his re-telling of how Sirius Black escaped on the back of the Giant Squid, who he had apparently befriended during his time at Hogwarts.

"Neutral ground," I smiled, and quickly kissed Wood before hurrying out into the foyer.

"Hey," I said, my armful of treats as Peri, Dora and Beth all grinned at me from the bottom steps of the marble staircase.

I added my contribution to the hoarde of treats assembled, and squeezed in between Peri and Beth.

"So this is it huh?" I smiled sadly.

"Oh don't," cried Peri, "I'm too sad already."

"What about you Beth, feeling anything?"

"Don't be ubsurd," she sniffed, a little reluctantly.

"Aww come on, not even a little sadness. A little tear for the end of an era?"

"Shan't," she replied, turning her head away to hide her shining eyes.

I grinned and dug into a piece of chocolate fudge cake.

"It's been a good year," I said, with my mouth full.

"Yeah, Snow actually pulled Oliver Wood. Who would've guessed that would ever happen?" Beth grinned, helping herself to an eclair.

"Oh I did," Dora piped up.

"You did?" I asked.

"Well yeah, he was always looking at you in class, and then there was that time he asked me if I thought you liked him in third year," she replied absent-mindedly, relishing her cupcake.

"What?!" we all replied.

Dora startled and looked at us.

"Oh no!" she said, "I shouldn't have said that..."

"Dora why didn't you tell me that?" I cried.

"Because he told me not to..." Dora blinked.

"But... you ... I..." I struggled.

"Breathe Snow, breathe..." Beth said, "you're together now, and will have little Oliver Wood's running around in no time, called Quaffle, Bludger, Snitch..."

"Ah shut up," I said, shoving her eclair in her face as she drew it to her mouth.

"So no Charlie babies for you Beth?" Peri ventured, before Beth could jinx me.

"Oh god no, babies? No. Gross. Horrible things," she said, wiping her face and licking cream off her fingers.

"I reckon Beth would pull a Serena," I said.

"What, blow them up?" Peri asked, and we all started to laugh at that story.

"Remember when I convinced Beth she'd ended up in the hospital wing because she'd captured Sirius Black?" I grinned, and Beth groaned.

"I can't believe I missed seeing Beth high on amortentia fumes," Peri mused.

"What about when you dared Snow to talk to Wood about... about... _penises_," Dora whispered, barely able to say the word through both embarassment and laughter.

"Or when you nearly burst yourself with a bubble head charm!" I countered.

"Oh god, the moustaches," Peri cried and we couldn't stop laughing for about ten minutes.

"Speaking of penises..." I started.

"Oh shut up, I do _not_ want to talk about that," Peri snapped.

We all grinned, and I took a big sigh and looked up around me at the glory of Hogwarts.

"Maybe I'll come back here to teach one day. I can't bear thinking I'll never come back," I sighed.

We all looked around silently, lost in our own memories.

Soon the trickle of students began as the feast came to an end and we quickly gathered what was left of our picnic.

"So," I said as Charlie and Wood joined us, "I'll see you guys tomorrow."

"Yeah," we all mumbled, and soon we were in a big group hug.

"Oh.. this feels so right..." I said, caressing Beth's back, who shoved me off as I laughed.

"See you in the morning," we all said, and then I hauled myself up to Gryffindor tower for my very last night in my bed.

...

"So something weird happened last night," I said as I lugged my trunk towards the train.

"Wood polished his broom?"

"No," I sighed, "Well, not in the way you're implying. He genuinely does polish his broom every night."

Beth sniggered as we paused to get our trunks up onto the train.

"No, he said something kind of weird and it's freaked me out a little," I said, starting to move down the corridor looking for an empty compartment.

"Ooh, what did he say? Tell me tell me tell me," she demanded, stopping so suddenly Dora immediately fell over Beth's trunk.

"I'll tell you when we're sat down," I said, getting annoyed that everywhere was full.

"No, tell me now!" she demanded, folding her arms and refusing to move, not even noticing Dora had fallen, or that in now struggling to pull Dora up from the floor, Peri had fallen too.

"Jeez," I sighed, turning to face them, then frowning as I watched Peri and Dora scupper each other's attempts to get up, "he was just really excited, and cryptic, and wouldn't tell me what was going on and just kept insisting he wanted to wait and take me out somewhere in London when we're back."

I turned back to move along the train as more people piled on.

Suddenly a huge gasp from Beth turned me back around. She had her finger pointed at me in mute horror, "He's going to propose!"

At this Peri, who had just got up and was helping Dora, immediately dropped her again and fell over in the process.

I flushed red as the students around me turned to stare, "He's not going to propose," I hissed flashing her a warning look.

"Oh my god, you're pregnant!" she yelled even louder so that Percy Weasley, not looking where he was going, tumbled straight over Peri and face-planted into Beth who was also knocked over like a bowling pin.

I just left them there and finished scouting the train.

Eventually they joined me at the back.

"Guys, I hate to break this to you," I began.

"But you're pregnant," Beth finished.

I glared, "But there's no empty compartments."

"What?!" All three of them chorused.

"I know!" I agreed.

"But there's always a conveniently empty compartment available for a small select group of people despite the entire student populace squeezing onto a one train!"

"Yeah I know, I mean this one would be empty but there's a crazy looking homeless guy in the... oh wait that's Professor Lupin, hey Lupe dog!" I said now barging in.

He looked up in alarm and receded into the corner.

The others piled in behind me and settled themselves down, apart from Dora who just looked alarmed.

"Oh my god Dora, it's daytime, chill out," I said.

She just continued to stare at Professor Lupin who shifted uncomfortably.

"So Professor I got an Outstanding in my N.E.W.T," I grinned proudly.

"I can't believe you're a werewolf, because thinking back it was pretty obvious and not even Peri figured it out," Beth chided.

"God, I miss one thing and I never hear the end of it!" Peri cried.

"I mean it was pretty obvious, because you were like off ill every month and always giving out chocolate. To be honest I thought maybe, possibly secretly you could be a woman, but that moustache is just so impressive," I considered eyeing it.

"But the full moon boggart thing, I mean come on Peri, I thought you were meant to be smart," Beth continued.

"Oh my god seriously, you guys didn't figure it out either!" Peri yelled.

"Seriously Dora will you sit down, he's been teaching us all year and there hasn't been a single mauling... I mean that we know of..." I said.

"Okay girls I think I might just... it's getting a little crowded in here and I don't want to upset Miss Dobbs..." Lupin then got up to leave.

"Oh no Professor, you don't have to leave," said Peri reddening in embarassment.

"Oh no it's fine... I may visit the driver..." Lupin cleared his throat awkwardly as he reached the compartment door where Dora was still standing.

"If I may..." he said, gesturing that he wished to get by.

"Dora you don't need to be scared," Peri said gently, getting up to try and move her.

At Peri's touch Dora seemed to come to her senses, and then of all things stammered,

"C-can I have your autograph?"

Everyone stared at her open mouthed.

"E-excuse me?" Lupin said, stunned.

"I never thought I would meet a real, live werewolf... I mean I always hoped... and, oh, I'm even part of W.O.O.F!"

"Woof?" Lupin asked, whilst Beth and I sniggered. You know, because Lupin, a werewolf, said 'Woof'. You get it.

"Werewolf Observation and Outreach Foundation," she replied solemnly. She then began rifling through her bag and eventually retrieved a small piece of card with W.O.O.F printed boldly next to a hand drawn picture of herself.

"Dora, did you by any chance make this foundation yourself?" I asked.

"Well, me and mother..." she admitted.

"Uh... Miss Dobbs... this is..." he said, staring at the card.

"My mother would love to have you over for dinner, are you... single?"

"OKAY I'm just going to... if you'll excuse me," and then he pretty much barged past Dora and ran towards the front of the train.

"So... Dora's mum has a werewolf fettish?" Beth summed up.

"Seems to be the case," I agreed as Dora began to protest.

"Anyway, back to Wood's proposal..." Beth veered off.

"He's not going to propose!" I yelled.

"I don't know, it kind of sounds like it," Peri chimed in and I was stumped.

"What are you talking about?" I cried.

"Well, he wants to wait and take you out somewhere in London, which means he wants the environment to be special," Peri mused, "so either he has something really big to tell you.."

"...that _he's_ pregnant?" Beth interrupted.

"...or he has something really big to ask you," Peri concluded.

I sat quietly as I processed.

"Wub wud woo way?" came a muffled noise from Dora who had a mouthful of pumpkin pasty.

"Huh?" we all chorused.

She swallowed, "What would you say?"

"What would I...? What, I don't know! This is ridiculous, he's not proposing, we're seventeen!" I yelled, getting increasingly flustered.

"Well, he has got quite an obsessive personality, he might be worried now you're not at Hogwarts anymore you might drift apart," Peri continued to consider.

"No we wouldn't..." I tried.

"That's true... long-distance is difficult..." Beth added.

"We can apparate!"

"But once you both start working you might struggle to find time to see each other," Dora dropped in.

"What - you guys have the exact same problem!"

"Yeah, but our boyfriends aren't crazy obsessive and prone to psychotic episodes..." Beth mused.

"Psychotic...? When has he ever... just because he... you're psychotic!"

"You're being awfully sensitive, maybe you are pregnant, in which case you probably should say yes when he proposes," Beth concluded.

At this point I burst into rage and stormed to the door, but I stopped when I saw an ashen face on the other side of the glass.

"You're pregnant?!" Wood yelled through the glass, arms flailing in panic.

"What! No!" I yelled, mortified, "No, no, no, no, no!"

I threw open the door to make sure he could hear me as I continued to repeat no.

"Charlie said he overheard some second years that heard Beth yelling that you were pregnant, why would they say that?!" he yelled, looking wild-eyed.

"Because Beth's a dick!" I said, thinking this clarified everything, "Beth tell him," I demanded.

"Well I only assumed she was pregnant because you two are getting married," she replied.

"What?!" Wood cried in an octave I was surprised he could hit.

"Oh my god, no, no, no, no, no Beth! Look, I told Beth what you said last night, about us going out in London and how you wouldn't tell me what was going, and she's got it into her head that you're going to propose to me and then she started shouting that I was pregnant in front of everyone, and I'm not pregnant I swear!" I finished, hands open pleadingly.

We both just stared at each other in silence processing.

"You're sure you're not pregnant?" he checked.

"Yes, in fact I'm Professor Lupining as we speak!" I cried.

"Professor... whating?" he asked, confused.

"You know... happens once a month, involves lots of chocolate?"

"Oh... _oh... _I didn't need to know that..." he grimaced.

There was a long awkward silence.

"So are you going to propose?" Beth piped up.

"Beth!" I cried.

"No, I'm not proposing... not that I wouldn't... not that that's not... _I've been signed!_" he yelled suddenly.

"W-what...?" I stammered.

"Puddlemere United... they signed me, I'm going to be a keeper... professionally..." he got out, reddening.

After a stunned moment, the compartment erupted.

I flung myself screaming at him in a hug as the girls did the same, jumping and yelling and cheering in joy and astonishment until suddenly I turned round and...

_WHAM!_

...I hit Beth really, really hard right in the face.

"That's two!" I yelled happily, and went back to cheering.

The rest of the journey flew by in the utmost excitement. Charlie eventually joined us, along with Seth, and Herbert even made a brief appearance to see Peri. We bought a veritable feast from the trolley when it came by and before we knew it we were pulling into King's Cross.

I looked around in shock at our sudden arrival and couldn't process what was about to happen.

We all looked at each other not quite sure what to do or say, until Seth broke the spell by pointing out that the boys should go get their luggage.

Taking their queue we all began to unload our trunks from the luggage rack, and out the window I caught sight of my parents waving me down.

I waved back and suddenly felt a bit tearful. I quickly wiped my eyes and took a deep breath, looking around at the familiar compartment.

Outside the door the other students were piling down the corridor, a babble of excitement and chorus of farewells.

I looked at the others and eventually Peri bravely slid the door open and began making her way off the train for us to follow suit.

I tried really hard to commit everything to memory as I walked along the train, looking into every compartment and at every feature until it was time for me to step down.

My Dad met me at the door and took my trunk, then swept me up into a hug before passing me to my mother. I was momentarily distracted, and when I got my bearings our group was scattered, greeting their own families.

"How was the journey?" my mother asked, face beaming at having me back.

"Yeah, really good," I replied, not being able to manage much more.

"Okay, well we'll wait for you on the other side, whilst you say goodbye," Dad winked knowingly, and they made their way back towards the barrier.

I turned to look up at the beautiful train and wondered how long it would be until I saw it again, if I saw it again.

Peri was the first to come over to me, she just smiled and gave me a really big hug, then we turned back to look at the train.

Then Dora came over, and the same thing happened, big hugs each and back to the train.

And then the fourth voice said,

"You guys are such _losers_."

But even Beth had a little tear in her eye this time.

I grinned and put my arm round her, and we had this massive group hug, which suddenly came under seige as Charlie jumped in from nowhere.

We all laughed and then suddenly I realised how much I was going to miss him. Other than Wood we had no real reason to see each other again now he and Beth were over. I felt like he was thinking the same thing as he looked at me and said, "Ah, come here you!" and pulled me into a rib-crushing hug.

"Take good care of my boy," he said, "he might be a bit mad but he's a good one," and he grinned before turning his attention to Beth.

"Now Beth, whenever you're ready for rebound sex, remember I'm only an owl away."

She just hit him in the arm but was eventually gracious enough to conceed to a hug.

By this point Seth had joined Dora and they both looked ready to leave.

"So," I said, hugging them both, "we'll meet up, this weekend?"

"Of course," Dora squeaked, "you should come over, mother and I will make pastries!"

"Sounds great," I grinned, and turned to hug Peri, "this weekend?" I checked, and she just smiled and nodded through tears.

"What about you?" I turned to Beth.

"Well, I really shouldn't, should leave you all to the dust, align myself with a higher calibre of society, but I suppose I could drop in, if it pleases you..." Beth sniffed, trying to fight it.

I just grinned and hugged her before she could protest.

"Okay," I said, brushing away a tear, "I'll see you on the weekend."

And with one last look I tore myself away from the scene, grabbed Oliver Wood's hand who stood smiling and waiting for me, and then I pushed my way through the barrier.

Not for the last time, but at least, for a while.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: <strong>SOB. I can't tell you how fun this has been for me, from late nights feverishly writing, to skyping with the others as they read just so I can hear them laugh. I'm so grateful to those that have written reviews, and those that have enjoyed it as much as us. We almost enjoy it too much, and kind of talk about it as if it's stuff that actually happened. My favourite is when 'Dora' reads it in the same room as 'Seth' and laughs, he asks why and shes like 'Oh, we just tricked 'Snow' and 'Beth' into thinking we were pregnant! And he's like '...what?!'

So as I said, this won't be the last, there'll be random one shots every now and again as we love the characters so much! So I hope you enjoy the next chapter which is a flashback to the first journey to Hogwarts, and as always - please review!


	23. Bonus 1: When we met

**When we met**

* * *

><p>Dad insisted on driving us to King's Cross instead of having Mum apparate. He claimed he wanted to escort me to the magical world in his own muggle way, but I knew he just hated side-along apparition.<p>

I gently eased open the door of the cage beside me, and threaded my arm in to stroke the coat of the handsome Barn Owl my parents had bought for me. I'd named him Finwick, after the keeper for my local, and favourite, Quidditch Team – the Tutshill Tornados.

After what seemed like an eternity of battling through the London traffic, we finally pulled up to the station, and I jumped out eagerly, running round to the side of the car to retrieve Fin's cage, and waited impatiently for my poor father to load my very heavy trunk onto a trolley.

We pushed through the crowds and towards the magical barrier, my heart beating very loudly in my ears.

The youngest of my four older brothers, Halwyn, pushed past me roughly as he broke into a run, and disappeared behind a crowd of students. He was the last of my siblings to remain at Hogwarts and was three years my elder, me being the youngest.

I levelled myself with the barrier and with a deep breath, strode through it with Finwick's cage in my arms, closing my eyes on impact and opening them when the shrill blare of the train's horn sounded.

My face broke into a huge grin and I rushed forward into the crowd, ignoring the calls from my parents behind me.

I found Halwyn talking to his friends and hovered on the edge awkwardly, with no magical friends of my own. He noticed me and cruelly said, "Bog off Im, you're not sitting with me," and his friends sniggered and followed him onto the train.

I dropped back into the crowd to find my parents, and my mother drew me into a huge hug when I set Finwick down.

"Now remember to be safe darling, and send a note back with Finwick the moment you get there to let us know you arrived safely?"

I nodded solemnly and followed my father onto the train as he carried my trunk. We pushed down the corridor, looking for an empty compartment, but could only find one with a small mousy girl inside. She had a long plait of hair she fiddled with nervously, and looked undoubtedly like a first year, so I knocked on the door and tentatively entered,

"Do you mind if I sit in here?" I asked.

She gave a frightened squeak at being spoken to, and nodded fearfully at me. You'd think I'd threatened to kill the toad she had in a plastic container beside her.

I signaled to my father that this was the compartment I would settle in, and he dragged my trunk inside then heaved it into the luggage rack.

"Thanks Dad," I said, now feeling incredibly nervous at our impending separation.

"That's okay," he said, wiping his brow heavily, "Now, you'll be safe won't you? Keep out of trouble?" he winked, and I nodded quickly, throwing myself at him as he hugged me goodbye, and then he left to re-join my mother so they could wave farewell.

I sat quietly by the window, sombre in my thoughts, when a knock sounded on the door of the compartment. The other girl jumped again, and I turned to see another first year looking timidly in, obviously wanting to join us. I smiled and gestured to the other empty window seat. She smiled gratefully and opened the door, also followed by a man I assumed to be her father and shared a similar scene to mine.

Eventually she sat down and with a breath for courage I stuck out my hand and said, "I'm Imogen."

She shook my hand weakly and replied, "Peri…" and I nodded, then stuck my hand out to the frightened girl reasserting, "Imogen."

She looked at my hand as though it were diseased, but none the less squeaked out, "D-Dora!"

I smiled kindly, and settled back into my seat, looking back out of the window for my parents who smiled and waved.

I heard the compartment door open sharply, and a thin blonde girl stood in the doorway appraising us. She then signaled to something down the corridor, and her trunk came floating in and hovered itself into the luggage rack.

"There's no other spaces," she said carelessly and then flung herself down on the seat by the door.

"Oh," I said, exchanging looks with Peri briefly before introducing myself, "I'm Imogen."

She looked at me disparagingly before eventually replying, "Bethany."

Suddenly, with a blast of the horn the train shuddered with movement, and slowly began to move. I threw myself towards the window and waved frantically at my parents as they disappeared, and suddenly felt very alone and frightened.

I looked to my left and Peri mirrored myself, both stood with hands on the window and looking deeply sad. She turned away and discreetly brushed away a tear, and I slumped back down into my seat, feeling awkward and uncomfortable.

We passed about ten minutes in pure silence, Peri crying softly, Dora fiddling with her plait, and Bethany with her arms folded moodily across her stomach. I thought wildly for some form of conversation topic to raise, but the longer the silence drew out, the more awkward it became to speak.

I settled myself to stare out of the window, when all of a sudden, a giant rumble emanated from my left, and I jumped and spun round to see what on earth had made the noise.

Beth looked equally as startled, and Peri looked convinced it was an issue with the train, now looking desperately out of the window for a clue, but Dora just looked utterly mortified, and before I could open my mouth to ask what was wrong, her stomach gave out another huge rumble of hunger.

I looked over at Bethany in shock, and we both just burst into laughter, along with Peri.

"Excuse me," Dora mumbled, but the side of her mouth cracked into a smile and she climbed up onto her seat to retrieve a wicker hamper from the luggage rack. Opening it, she revealed a sheer feast of goodies that I stared at in awe, and noticing our expressions, she picked out an item and gestured to us, "Pumpkin pasty?"

"Yes please," we all chorused, and politely moved forward to retrieve one, and then we all began to munch away happily.

"These are amazing," said Peri.

"Yeah…" Dora mumbled, "my Mum's a really good cook..."

"Your mum made these?" asked Beth impressed, "I should have father hire her as our new cook."

I laughed at this seeming joke, but Bethany merely looked at me as though wondering what was so funny.

"So what house do you think you'll be in?" I asked casually to the group.

Peri and Dora both shrugged, and Bethany replied, "I don't know, my family's been very mixed over the years, though thankfully no Hufflepuffs."

I nodded, "Yeah, two of my brothers were in Gryffindor, my oldest brother and sister were in Ravenclaw and my brother Halwyn's in Slytherin, so I could be anything!"

"Are you the youngest?" asked Bethany.

I nodded through a mouthful of pumpkin pasty.

"Sounds like a Hufflepuff waiting to happen then," she teased and I scrunched up my face and said, "Don't even joke."

"What's wrong with Hufflepuff?" piped up Dora.

"Oh, sorry, were your parents in Hufflepuff?" said Bethany, though clearly not sorry.

"Uh…" mumble Dora, suddenly embarrassed, "N-no, my, my Dad was a muggle and uh, my Mum's a squib," she finished, going red.

"My Dad's a muggle," I chimed in with quickly.

"And my Mum is," said Peri.

Dora looked a little better at hearing this, and I glanced at Bethany in curiosity, to which she raised her hand and said "Pureblood," proudly.

"Maybe we'll be in the same house?" I said hopefully, quickly warming to this group.

"That would be great!" smiled Peri, and Dora just looked frightened again whilst Bethany was merely eyeing up Dora's food hamper.

"_Candy from the trolley_?" came a call from down the corridor, and I jumped up excitedly, diving into my pocket for money just as Bethany did the same. We grinned at each other and raced out of the compartment to the kindly faced old witch with the trolley.

Stocking up on chocolate frogs and Bertie Botts, we ladened our arms with treats and turned back to the compartment door where I bumped into the person waiting behind me.

My purchases scattered onto the ground, which caused Bethany great amusement, but the boy I had bumped into bent down quickly to help me.

"Sorry about that," he said.

"My fault," I replied quickly, flustered at my clumsiness.

I looked up and smiled gratefully at the boy. He was a first year like me, with darkish brown hair that was cut inexpertly around his nice-looking face. I blushed furiously, and dropped one of the chocolate frog packets, which burst open and the frog jumped out. We both dived for it, but it eluded our grasp, but as it jumped off I stretched out my hand instinctively and caught it mid-air.

"Wow," he said, raising his eyebrows, "you'd make a fair seeker."

"You reckon?" I said, my face splitting into a grin.

He nodded, "I'm Oliver, Oliver Wood," he said, stretching out his hand to me.

"Imogen Snow," I said, shaking his hand cheerily.

"_Where's Imogen_?" I heard Peri asked from our compartment.

"Pulling," Bethany replied loudly as she slid closed the door, and Oliver and I blushed furiously again, dropping each others hand quickly and making our excuses to leave.

I slid into the apartment and snapped my hand against Bethany's leg as I passed, "Git."

She shouted in pain but laughed evilly at the look of mortification on my face, and I couldn't help but join in. We quickly dove into our chocolate frogs, pulling faces at the Dumbledore cards we both received.

"I've got hundreds of him," Bethany grumbled.

"Me too," I replied, and we spent a good hour discussing our lavish card collections, whilst Peri and Dora chatted comfortably from the other side of the compartment.

Out of the corner of my eye I noticed something bobbing up and down, and turned to see a small owl frantically beating its wings to keep up with our carriage, so I jumped up and pulled open a window for it to fly in. With the gush of wind that poured in, the little owl tumbled inside and fluttered madly for a moment whilst it regained its bearing, before it soared joyfully at Bethany who cried, "Sir Featherton!"

"Is that your owl?" asked Dora.

Bethany looked at her like she was crazy and replied, "Obviously," cuddling the owl to her chest,

"I have a Toad," said Dora cheerfully picking up the plastic container beside her, "he's called Mr Mole."

"…Mr Mole?" I replied in confusion.

"Yep," she said, clearly seeing nothing wrong with this, so with a brief exchange of glances between the other three of us, we silently agreed to let it slide.

"This is Finwick," I said proudly picking up his cage and placing it on my lap, stretching my fingers through the bars to lightly brush his feathers.

"He's lovely," said Peri, "I almost wish I'd got an owl, but my parents bought me a kitten instead."

"_Kitten_?!" the three of us chimed excitedly.

She grinned and nodded, getting up and carefully retrieving a small cat basket from the luggage rack. She opened the door gently, and retrieved a tiny black, sleeping kitten from within, with a small diamond of white on its forehead, "This is Morgana," she said proudly, placing the little creature on her lap where it continued to sleep soundly.

We spent the rest of our journey happily bonding over the animals, and eventually Quidditch debates. I felt complete at ease with the other three girls, and smiled happily at the ease in which it had taken to make new friends, whilst my eyes darted occasionally at each person that passed our compartment door, secretly hoping to see Oliver again.

Suddenly the compartment door slid open, and a wildly red-headed boy poked his head in and said pompously, "We'll be arriving soon, you should get into your robes," then continued purposefully upon his obviously self-assigned mission of informing the entire train of this fact.

I raised my eyebrows at Bethany, who giggled, and we all reached up to retrieve our robes and changed excitedly out of our muggle clothes.

Eventually the train began to slow and we pulled into a small, dark station, and piled towards the exits, trying to remain with each other as we became more nervous and introverted.

"Firs' years!" came a booming voice from the end of the station, and the four of us jumped.

We stood opened mouthed at the gigantic, shaggy creature demanding first years, and for a wild moment, I wondered whether that was what he feasted on.

Eventually we shuffled towards him with the others, and I looked round to find Dora missing. Turning back I saw her still frozen in position next to the train, staring wide-eyed at the gigantic creature. I moved back and grabbed her hand.

"Come on, it'll be fine, I'm sure he's just a teacher or something, or a caretaker come to help us," I smiled encouragingly, but she just looked at me with a horrified expression, and it wasn't until Bethany grabbed her other hand and physically dragged her along with us that she moved.

We followed the giant until eventually we reached a small fleet of rowing boats, to which he bid us assign ourselves in pairs to one. Peri got carefully into one, and Bethany and I again had to physically push Dora in to join her, then jumped into the last empty boat ourselves.

Then, just like magic, (well actual magic), the boats began to move softly and silently through the water, and we got our first breath-taking view of the one and only Hogwarts castle.

It was even more incredible than my wildest dreams.

Finally we reached the other side, and were greeted by a terse looking witch in a tartan hat, who led us into the castle and left us to ready the sorting hat.

Bethany and I giggled at some of the theories the muggle-born first years were coming out with about how we were sorted into houses, until the pompous red-head from earlier cried, "Oh don't be ridiculous," at a small blonde boy who was insisting that we had to fight a lion, snake, badger and eagle, and whichever one we defeated indicated our house.

Soon enough, the witch who introduced herself as Professor McGonnagall, returned and organised us into a single file, and we followed her into the great hall.

We all stared in pure awe at the incredible enchanted ceiling, and proceeded to wait patiently as McGonnagall called us forward alphabetically.

"Dobbs, Dora."

Dora stumbled forward, and tripped onto the stool in her nervous state, jamming the hat onto her head, and it only took one squeak of fright from her from the sudden darkness, for the battered hat to cry, "Hufflepuff!"

The table of yellow and black ties cheered, and smiled at Dora as she traipsed nervously over to their welcome arms.

"Poliakoff, Peri."

Peri took a deep breath, gave a last look to me and Beth, and stepped forward, placing the hat on tentatively. It took a minute or so, but eventually the hat cried, "Ravenclaw!" and Peri took it off gratefully, smiling back at us, and I smiled, a little sad that we weren't going to be in the same house as I'd hoped, even if it would have been Hufflepuff.

"Snow, Imogen."

I exhaled and looked back at Bethany, who smiled briefly, and I rushed forward, eager to hear my fate. I picked up the hat gently, and placed it on my head.

"Hmm…" said a small voice in my ear, "another Snow… though a tricky one to place… plenty of loyalty… courage… ambition… and a good mind… but in different measures… I think it may be your confidence that sets you apart here, yes, a lot of nerve, so let's make it, _Gryffindor_!" it cried.

My heart soared with joy, and I ripped the hat off excitedly, and rushed to the table, catching my brother's eye from the Slytherin table, who merely nodded in recognition but showed no emotion. I waved at Dora and Peri from my place, and settled down myself to hear Bethany's fate, hoping desperately that she at least would be joining me.

"Twycross, Bethany."

She sauntered forward, and placed the hat on her head, to which it quickly shouted to my utter disappointment, "Slytherin!"

I caught her eye as she passed, and she shrugged at me with a smile and sat a few places down from Halwyn.

Eventually there was only one boy left.

"Wood, Oliver."

The wee Scotsman marched bravely forward, and shoved the hat onto his head, and to my absolute pleasure it yelled, "Gryffindor!"

He ripped it off with a grin and raced to our table, smiling brightly at me as he passed to join the small blonde boy, apparently called Charlie Quigley, who was currently being told off by the pompous red-head Percy Weasley (who to my vague annoyance was also in Gryffindor) for knocking his pumpkin juice into his lap and announcing to the table that he'd wet himself.

I thought that would be it for our brief encounter. How could we continue our friendship from different tables, and different dorms? But to my surprise, in each lesson we were paired with a different house, and each time I paired up with either Peri, Dora or Beth, and eventually, we began to share our meals on the table of whoever had reached the great hall first, as we chatted too animatedly to notice or care, and with that, we soon became friends.

Best friends.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: <strong>Yaaaay. So, let me know any chapters that you guys would like to see, whether it's past or future. I think I'll likely be following main events from the rest of the HP books as a frame, so next would probably be the Quidditch World Cup. **  
><strong>

Oh, here's a question for you! What jobs do you think the gang will end up having after Hogwarts? This is a source of much debate between us!

Please review! Keep the Pufflemouths alive!


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